Cheating again after I gave him a 2nd chance, advice please when/ how to split and who to speak to.

[Bettergettolivin]

Hi lovely people, experience is much needed. Married 20 years to a selfish narc, he had an affair in 2016 and I took him back as kids were too young, etc. recently discovered he’s cheating with her again, he doesn’t know I know. If I divorced him now he would soon stop supporting the kids financially - one almost 18; the other 14. He would also play dirty and is selfish. On paper it looks like I am the higher earner because he has a business and declares very little income but he is the main earner and controls the household, paying the main household bills etc.
I am wondering what are the pros/ cons to splitting while I have one under 18, re family home etc Custody wise I would like him to spend time with our youngest but I know he will soon lose interest. Same with contributing to eldest at uni. It’s also likely he would use every trick to devalue the business which is essentially just him. Who can I speak to about strategic options about when to pull the trigger and finances? Any recommended advisors out there who can give me holistic advice? I have suffered this long, I want to make sure I make the right decision. What would you do if you had time to prepare. Anything I should consider? I have a rough idea of assets but no passwords or statements. I’m so new to this all.

My youngest was at uni and my EX did as youre expecting yours to do and not pay a single penny towards it. If I think about it too much it gives me the rage but I know my child won’t invite him to graduation because of it - which I think is sad. You’re right to use this time strategically. Get all the info you can about the business, how much it is worth, past statements, pensions, loans, assets etc. hide all of your paperwork away (I stored mine at my parents) as he will do the same to you if he catches wind. Then when you have everything move very quickly. Split starts at 50% of everything (as the higher earner I had to give away so much) BUT with a kid still under 18 you’re in the best position to argue a deviation from that in your favour.

It will be all ok - I promise you x

Thank you so much, really appreciate it! I will do that, anyone you used that you recommend to help you through it ?

I did a lot of prep myself because if your XH was like mine - dragging out the process and making things difficult, nothing really counts until the court hearing. If you DM me I can share with you who I used.