Stay or leave a relationship… how do you know?!

[FarmerJoe88]

Help please 🙏
little bit of back story…
I (38f) have been together with my partner (42m) for 7 years. We have 3 beautiful children 4&under together, We are unmarried and I am a partner in his business.(not sure that matters?!) I moved 2hrs away from home to live with him. We are farmers and his days are especially long.
basically I don’t think I am in love with him anymore, I consider leaving pretty much on a weekly basis. I don’t not like him, he’s not a bad person at all. I know he loves his children and they him. Family days out are rare. Since our last baby there sex has been nil. On both sides, nothing from him to initiate and I don’t even feel that bothered by it. We hardly talk about anything other than farming or children and even then any decisions regarding the kids is up to me. Conversations about our relationship he shuts down. I try to go back to my home town once a month to see my family and friends and I just love it. I just dont know what to do anymore, keep going as is and hope things improve, take the kids and leave, be an awful mother for taking the kids away from their dad and splitting the family up? I know if I move the business would struggle without me.
not even sure why I’m posting this, any advice? Tia

Life is very hard with such small children. The working lives of farmers is very hard too. I can easily see how you have ended up not prioritising your relationship and I mean both of you.

Don’t give up on things now. There are still many positives in staying together and making your relationship work. Leaving and raising three children on your own is difficult. How would you house yourselves? How would you work to support them?

I remember having three under five and it was a slog but things get easier, leaving both of you more time for each other.

I agree with pp that you are in the eye of the storm at the moment (how old is the youngest?)

BUT I am also here to say that your happiness is a priority. My advice would be to stop having children, and to give yourself a year to try and fix the relationship. I think during that time it would make sense to try and angle your life towards something that better suits you and your personality whilst also investing in the relationship. Don't lose sight of the first bit of that and only invest in the relationship. It sounds like you've let go of loads about who you are and what you want.

Now is the time to go on that journey of self-rediscovery and see if you can bring him with you.

If not, you are absolutely allowed to leave, for no better reason than that you want to. Life is too short.

Its because you are both not making any effort with each other, and yes, life gets in the way. You could leave but would you be happy on one income and having kids some of the time,

IMO its only a definite "over" if you experience DA or have exhausted all attempts to fix

I would sit down and have a serious conversation, discuss what the issues are and work towards trying to improve it. Revisit again if it doesn't work. Atleast then youve made an attempt to try and repair the relationship

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, I have a house near my hometown, work wise who knows!
we likely need to have a very heartfelt discussion with each other.
possibly living away from friends and family is a far bigger issue now than it was before having children!!

Thankyou for taking the time to reply I really do appreciate it

Thank you for your advice! Eldest has just turned 4, middle is 3 and youngest is 18months! And definitely no more 🙈
this sounds exactly what I need to do, a year to try and turn things around almost… and then re evaluate.
I have lived all over the country before having kids and never felt ‘homesick’ however since having 2nd and 3rd the want to be back home with my family and friends is almost crippling.