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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Is the CMS calculation fair when an ex works nights?

11 replies

MummyofoneT · 28/08/2026 21:45

I would love some second opinions please. My ex works nights and the child maintaining calculator works on how many nights the child is with each parent as most of you probably know. In term time my ex has our DD for about 4 hours after school on Tuesdays, then about 1.5 hours on Thursday & Friday. He also has her Saturday evening through to drop off at school on Monday. He pays me £55 a week which is a figure he made up. The cms thinks it should be £78 a week.

He is an abusive narc and will do things like keep her for an extra night we haven't agreed then lower his cm money as he's had her one more night. I've explained it doesn't work like that as it goes on how many nights per year but he doesn't care. I'd like people to put that aside and tell me if they think I should try and enforce this with the CMS so that they switch to collect and pay and take it straight out of his wages. They think he should be paying £80 a week and then will put an extra 20 % on that. I'm worried that he will flip and do something abusive.

Can I ask - do people feel the CMS calculation is fair towards people that work nights but do spend time with their kids in the day?. I want to be fair but also not walked over by an abusive bully. This week he has given me £33 and he's not contributed towards new uniform and doesn't pay for any of the two activities she does. I've sent lists before but he just ignores.

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Shittyyear2025 · 28/08/2026 21:48

CMS. First thing on Monday.

MummyofoneT · 28/08/2026 21:54

He is the sort of person that would change his shifts to day shifts or switch jobs just to mess it all up though. I've heard some people have waited years and not received anything with collect and pay, so it's a bit of a gamble as he will end up so angry he may cancel his payments to me then wait for them to take it from his wages. I really don't know how good they are, does anyone have experience of collect and pay being quick and successful?!

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Yetanotherone12 · 28/08/2026 21:59

i don’t follow what him working nights has to do with it?

if he has her sat- Monday morning he has her two night a week and cms should be calculated on that basis.

how would him switching to days change that?

LizandDerekGoals · 28/08/2026 21:59

I also think you should go through cms with him. And communicate through a parenting app.

MummyofoneT · 28/08/2026 22:06

If he switched to day shifts he could have her overnight more, so that would change the number of nights and then he would be paying less. He could do this to spite me is what I'm trying to say! x

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MummyofoneT · 28/08/2026 22:09

Also we have a court order. He refused to use an app afterwards as I offered to pay for it but didn't realise he would have to pay for his side which he refuses to do. He wrecked my mental health so much that my mum has now taken over communication so I never have to read his messages first hand, they email each other. I know it's not ideal but I couldn't carry on as I was, made me suicidal with the constant digs all the time.

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LizandDerekGoals · 28/08/2026 22:19

MummyofoneT · 28/08/2026 22:06

If he switched to day shifts he could have her overnight more, so that would change the number of nights and then he would be paying less. He could do this to spite me is what I'm trying to say! x

He would be paying less but having her more so why would that be bad?

MummyofoneT · 28/08/2026 22:42

I guess I don't really want to see her less or change her routine, she needs stability and he's all over the place.

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nrp2 · 28/08/2026 23:02

Why do you get to lose out on all the "fun" parenting time and only have the working week? That's something that should probably be reviewed as well (so like him moving to EOW so you can have proper time) but yes CMS ASAP as well x

Coconutter24 · 28/08/2026 23:28

Just go through CMS, if they are basing the £78 a week on him having her 2 nights that’s what he should be paying. I would try avoid collect and pay though to avoid the costs to both of you (although even with your deduction you’d still be better off than the current £55). Then if he refuses to pay after CMS tell him his payment plan then go to collect and pay

MummyofoneT · Yesterday 11:29

Thanks ladies. The only option when you report missed payments is to request to go to pay and collect so that's what I've done this morning x

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