Advice on messy divorce transition

[DazedandconfusedParent]

Hi MNers,

New here but looking for insights and similar stories to help me on my journey. Im a divorced parent, 2 kids, clean break and finances all sorted via courts. Both ex and I living in the same house, which has been on the market for almost a year. Co parenting schedule is good, and seperated in late 2023. 2024 I took a year out of dating and focussed on getting divorce/finances and children settled, however its becoming a living hell under the same roof while the house wont sell. Took over a year of hell, finalised in late 2025.

Its not selling because the ex wont agree to price drops, meaning more legal shenanigans to implement the court sealed consent order and get it sold. 2 Estate agents and 3 independent valuations show the ex's expectations are out of whack. Frustrating!

Anyway, in late 2025 I met a new partner and had a wonderful, loving relationship for 7 months or so. She was in a nesting setup, and we loved each other deeply but the stress, practicalities and change was all too much for us to build something new together. We ended with love and kindness and now im heartbroken, but ok.

For now, ive taken myself firmly off the dating market, focussing on being alone and processing everything. Im fortunate to have a good career, flexibility with the kids and enough money to buy my next home with a sensible deposit regardless of what happens. Im 41 and just about 50/50 with the kids. I cant, however, afford to pay rent + mortgage and all bills as I currently do (let alone the SDLT) until the house sells.

Id like to understand who else out there has had a similar experience - any advice? Anyone else fall for someone in the messy untangling of your old life and it not work out? Any success stories?

I guess im looking to this community to give me some outsider perspectives.

Thank you!

For political, economic and seasonal reasons house prices are dropping.
Why is your ex set on a certain price? Could you decrease your share of the sale to make it happen? no matter what the selling price is, your ex keeps a specific sum?

Im not recieving any equity out of the house - I instead chose to protect my pension. This is what makes it more difficult!

I should clarify, has anyone met someone whilst untangling thier lives, perhaps even had a similar experience to me? I know ive made this whole thing harder for myself than it needs to be, and that I should have stayed single until I was comfortable alone in my own home.

So if you are getting nothing out of the house, why are you still paying the mortgage and all the bills? If your ex refuses to discuss dropping the house price, surely you can counter that by threatening to reduce some of your financial support.
In regards to dating .. no way. I don't think my mind would be in the right place until I was living on my own (with the children during your 50% of the time), making a fresh start away from my ex. With children, I think I would wait even longer, so they get used to their new lives before having to face getting used to a new partner as well

The reason im not withdrawing financial support is because it was agreed in the consent order that I would continue to pay all the mortgage and bills (as I did throughout the marriage) until it sells. Plus, if I stop paying and demand contributions from my ex, they wont pay. That then utterly wrecks my credit score and makes it impossible to buy my next home.

And I hear you on the dating front - I probably should have just parked that need for companionship and waited, I wasnt expecting to fall for someone again like I did - now ive got heartbreak on top of the rest of this stuff to work on healing. Its been 3 years seperated, 2 years divorced and 2 months since the breakup.

The off-putting thing for anyone is someone who lives with ex - I was lucky, my ex moved out 2 months after separation (paid her for her share of house) so I could get back to normal asap.

Personally I dont get all this healing stuff - but appreciate we are all different. Unless you want someone back I would never dream of putting my life on hold for 3/4 years. We only get one life and if you want companionship and dating then go for it.

I would guess the reason your ex is playing hardball is a) wants you back, b) is nasty and vindictive or c) is onto a good thing with you paying all or most of the bills. And you also get the kids full time too as you are not in separate houses.

I would get your solicitor to look at ways you can speed this up - get the consent order redone as they are behaving incorrect;y?

She definately doesnt want to get me back - shes already moved on with a new bf. Kids are doing well, and I do get to see them every day so thats a massive plus.

Apparently there is something called an "Implementation order" that can allow the court to handle the sale if we dont agree on things - the consent order is a sealed clean break and ive been told it cannot be reopened unless there are exceedingly tight mitigating circumstances, which ours are not apparently.

I can’t comment on the new relationships side of things but your consent order is terrible unless there are explicit timelines stated and repercussions if not met - otherwise it’s open ended and there is zero incentive for your ex to agree - as you’re paying for everything. Why would she look to sell and change that?

ultimately you can go back to court to get an enforcement order and a judge can take control of the sale - that’s your only bargaining tool.

Sounds like you were badly managed!

When I split we agreed the financials between us and got my solicitor to draw up and hers to agree. From separation to her receiving money was 8/9 weeks. House then in my name and remortgage done.

Ok, that is quicker than most but you should have agreed selling price in agreement and then what happens if market goes up or down, or if house doesnt sell in x timeframe.

My ex husband was difficult like this, we were living together but luckily he only came home at weekends and I had a new boyfriend who I went and stayed with at weekends so we didn't see each ther. He wouldn't let people in to view at weekends and wouldn't take offers and every Sunday evening I came home to a shit tip. After a bought three offers which he declined my solicitor wrote him a stinking letter and he moved out which was better and I accepted the next offer and told him to take me to court. He didn't and it was sold very quickly. He refused to come get his stuff so I sold it all on marketplace he became a proper dick

The whole process to even get to an agreement was insanely painful - I hired a partner at a well regarded family law firm, costing me a ton of money, and I was met with all the silly games and tactics from them. No agreement on anything, was given a "heres what I want and I wont accept Less" offer that would have left me homeless, bankrupt and broke for the next 10 years at least.

Could only get my ex to agree to a fixed figure, no % split of anything. Its actually worked out in my favour as I chose to protect my pension, in return for giving up my equity in the home. With the housing market as it is, the prices are falling and the amoutn she thought she would get isnt realistic any longer. Thats the sticking point - the expectations she still has, she thinks like its 2021 again.

Im sorry you went through all that - it really is hell, and Its made me not want to marry again. In truth, all I want is a home of my own that nobody can take away from me and peace, in hindsight I thought I was ready for another relationship and when it ended, it was because neither of us had done enough of "the work" on ourselves single after each of us having difficult marriages.