My boyfriend (34M) of 6 years broke up with me (30F) 1.5months ago. He actually bought the ring and was supposed to propose (has booked the restaurant for the proposal and everything) and then very abruptly broke up 1 evening before the proposal was planned. I knew the proposal was supposed to happen the next day, but I was moody and acting cold when we went to dinner that day, so according to him in that moment he felt like there's no way for us to ever work together given I was in bad mood one night before the engagement. I can understand how my behaviour has angered him as I knew engagement was coming and still chose to be in bad mood. I don't even know what I was in bad mood. I begged him that night to at least think about it for 2 days but he said it was his final decision. There were no warning signs in previous months, he said many times he wants to propose, he initiated sleeping with me just one night before. So this came as as a huge shock for me and I've been completely broken.
The way he handled the post break-up period was very hard for me as well. I left our flat that same evening to stay at my sister's and he never contacted me again to speak about what happened, only about logistics. I packed all my stuff and moved out of the flat (his mortgage) 1 week later and he hasn't initiated any proper conversation since then. He asked if I wanted he could speak to me about what happened so I can get closure but at the time I said no because it was too painful. Before I packed all my stuff I called him to ask if he had any doubts about his decision and he said he didn't. Back then, he also didn't even ask where I'm going to live. He basically completely discarded me after so many years. We lived together in that flat for 4 years so it was my home too.
We used to have more explosive fights early on in the relationship, as I was more anxiously attached and he avoidant. Many fights were probably my fault. But then throughout the years I worked on myself, tried to give him way space etc and he also very much acknowledged that. In the last years I thought we had a good and loving relationship, we also spent a lot of time together on the weekends etc. However, it's true that I was probably in an annoyed mood more often than I should've been when we were together. I also nagged him about things like cleaning or similar. I didn't always know how to show my appreciation for him. We both have very demanding jobs, I travel a lot and I guess I was tired and a bit burnt out with life. However, he hasn't properly brought up that these things have been bothering him.
I only contacted him for logistics matters in the first month after the break-up. But now in the last 2 weeks we chatted a couple of times on the phone and we also met up during the weekend for a few hours. This was all my initiative. When we met, he looked completely broken. He cried a lot, said he doesn't understand why he did what he did, said he is dreaming about me, feels trapped in the flat, is lonely, doesn't know what he wants to do with his life in terms of his job etc. He also referred himself to therapy and feels depressed. He's not the type to easily talk about mental health or open up in general. I've never seen him this sad ever. I am 99.9% sure there is no other girl, we've been so close before and spending most of our free time together. He also said when we met he hasn't downloaded the dating apps. He never lied to me before.
He was always a good and reliable boyfriend. He helped me a lot throughout the years and I've felt like he truly loves me. In a way, what happened is completely out of character. On the other hand, it's true he's very avoidant, doesn't talk about emotions and can't handle conflict well. Perhaps he took an impulsive decision (to break up) in the heat of the moment and then didn't know how to deal with it / take it back so he completely removed himself from the situation. This was then fuelled by his dissatisfaction with his job as well as lack of much social life outside work and me. I've encouraged him in the months before the break-up to find some hobbies, hang out with more people, but he hasn't really picked it up. Perhaps he also felt like he shouldn't because I was difficult about wanting to spend free time with him in those first years.
After we met during the weekend, we've agreed to meet up again next weekend and try and explore if we want to get back together over time. This was definitely more initiated by me than him but he was happy to agree and said he will keep an open mind. We said we will try meeting up in a new environment and chat about "light" topics, not the break-up, to see how it goes. He also then messaged me to confirm the timing for next weekend. I guess I could demand from him that either we get back together or we don't see each other anymore but given his current mental state I don't think this would be healthy or fair.
As this break-up came out of nowhere and I know I am to blame for things too (being moody, annoying, anxious for connection etc), I'd like to keep trying. I love him and I feel like I owe it to myself and the relationship to at least understand if this was his true decision or something resulting from anger / depression that he then couldn't take back due to his avoidant personality.
If he's truly struggling I don't want to abandon him... I want to improve more and control my emotions better (not get cold / moody for no reason). At the same time, I need to take some care of myself. I've been through so much pain in the last weeks so I'm not sure I can handle any more. If I now keep seeing him and he doesn't want to be with me, I am going to be hurt again. I am also not SO young anymore and would like to have kids and family etc.
Do you have any thoughts how to go about this situation?