Give up now? And if so, what?

[Dadaost]

DH and I have been together nearly 30’years. Two teenaged kids. I am perimenopausal (49). Have been unhappy for years, our sex life has needed constant work as he is mostly impotent and won’t seek help for it, I have tried to be patient and supportive but tbh is feels like he is more worried about having an embarrassing conversation than about the impact of so much rejection on me. I feel on edge around him, he is very certain of himself and his views and over the years I’ve just shrunk myself to where I second guess everything I’m about to say in case he ignores it, or says it’s not something he interested in. We have similar interests, get on ok as people, and have come through some tough parenting things. I am thinking all the time now about splitting up. But I’ve been the one raising the kids and working part time so my income is about half of his, and my pension is shit. We live in London so housing is very expensive. What do I need to think about? Can we be fixed? If so, how? If not, what do I do?

Are you full time now, if not you need to be. Preparation is key.

You definitely should try marriage counselling where these issues can be discussed freely. From what you've written, it doesn't seem like a catastrophic relationship breakdown just yet. Do you still love each other? (Also try HRT if your perimenopausal symptoms are untreated.)

If it does come to divorce, the pp is correct that you will need to be able to stand on your own two feet, so that means working full time. You'd likely get 50% of your home's value and a share of his pension - but obviously bills, mortgage/rent etc would all have to be paid by you.