Hi guys sorry this may be a long one but I’m wanting some advice….
myself and my ex (DD 14 and 8 dad) 18 months ago. At the start was very inconsistent with visiting girls, would have disappeared for weeks or 2 at a time with no contact. Last 6 months have been better, however I am still having some issues.
I have 2 main problems. First one is, I find he makes more effort with 8yr old DD than the eldest. Younger dd will stay over a night every week. Eldest doesn’t really like staying over so he just doesn’t have her. Ive suggested taking her out for the day and bringing her home but this seems like a big deal, he only lives 15 mins away from us. (Note he only has a 2 seater car so will only take one at a time even tho I have offered to do pick up drop offs etc). He will text/ ring occasionally but rarely. She is fed up with this and I think it’s really hurting her, especially when he spends so much time with the youngest. I have challenged him
on this and I get accused of shit stirring.
2nd issue is - he comes and gets the youngest whenever it suits him. We try and stick to a weekend but he always changes times/ days. When we have arranged a time (. For example today 11am, he didn’t arrive to collect dd at my mum’s until 2pm, I was working but had rang and text a few times)
sometimes he will have her overnight, agree to bring her home the next day say around 12. You won’t hear anything from him until maybe tea time. I’ve asked so many times to be kept in the loop when she’s with him, and if plans have been arranged then stick to them or let me know if times need changed etc.
I feel like a pushover but he’s very manipulative and will tell the children I’m then trying to stop him seeing them when I try and get some routine.
I’ve went to family mediation, he’s now refusing to liaise with them. I am considering going down a legal route but I’m very worried about costs. Surprise surprise he hardly pays maintenance and this has been very sporadic also (it’s all through cms).
im so tired and anxious now as every weekend is becoming a nightmare. As far as I can see it he wants me sitting around the house at his beck and call to either pick up or drop off. I’ve tried speaking to him but I just get nothing but verbal abuse.
please be kind I’m at my wits ends