Please bear with me this is a long one as I don’t want to drip feed.
Divorced about 5 years ago with one DS now aged 16. Mutually agreed (no solicitors involved) to an informal arrangement of 50/50. In our financial/consent order, I agreed to pay full cost of small holiday cottage until DS is 18 for ExH to take DS to for holidays and school fees. No maintenance either way as 50/50 care. At first this was fine and ExH would contribute to significantly extra costs like uniform, birthdays, major schools trips, school bus fares, School Lunches etc and all was fine. Over time this has reduced to him paying next to nothing. He pays for DS phone contract £20/month I pay for everything else, pocket money, all clubs and extra curricular activities, clothes, holidays, school lunches annd buses etc. ExH doesn’t use the holiday home with DS for more than 4-5 days per year. But does use it with his friends and new family.
My house (original family home) has always been been the registered address of DS. For school, Doctors etc
ExH meet a new woman about 4 years ago, She moved in about 1 year ago and they have just got married.
Around the same time as she moved in, DS decided he wanted to stay more at my house due to exams and school work and it being easier to get to school and more consistent. I suspect some of this was also due to new girlfriend moving in and the change in the dynamic at ExH house.
DS has been with me for 80% of the last year. Nothing changed during that time in terms of financial arrangements.
DS is about to move to sixth form college and has now said he wants to stay at mine pretty much all the time and just see his father when he wants to.
My dilemma is this. I am a high earner but I also have high outgoings due to trying to keep the original fmaily home going. In addition, I am already paying all school fees (which will stop this year) and for the holiday home which is not used for the benefit of DS. ExH has become more and more disinterested in DS over the last few years and spends very little time with him and refuses to fund any hobbies or support DS in taking him to clubs etc claiming he can’t afford it, yet can happily afford a large lavish wedding and 2 honeymoons but tells DS he can’t afford to pay for anything for him.
I’m becoming more and more pissed off that EX is exiting DS life and this year I will have to find money for driving lessons car insurance, possibly a car (we live quite remotely), a laptop for college and need to start planning for university support.
I recently found out that ExH has registered as DS living with him and is claiming child benefit for him. I am considering contacting the CSA to claim maintenance from him for DS (based on what I think he is earning and time spent with him this would be about £400/month).
ExH will kick off at this I know and it will cause some upset for my DS but at the same time he has now registered him as living at his address which is completely false and I don’t know how that would impact any claim for maintenance through the CSA.
What would you do in my position? Would you just keep paying for everything and keep the peace or make EXH contribute to DS upbringing?