Need advice on divorce while living in the EU

[Prettylittlecat]

Hi, name change for this.
I need some advice on the topic but as I’m not in the UK I don’t even know where to start really.

I’m in the EU, so not the Middle East or somewhere where I’d have no rights, but I suspect divorce law is less favourable than in the UK.

I’ve been married for years, always worked, children now grown up and as I near retirement age I feel I don’t want to spend whatever’s left of my life with this man. He’s now retired, I’m not yet. Part of this realisation has come from me thinking I don’t want to retire because I don’t want to spend my time with him. I don’t want to start analysing rights and wrongs. He’s never been unfaithful or violent, though he did once say (when I said I wanted to leave, a few years back) that if I did, he’d do everything to make things horrible for me, so there’s a nasty side that I do need to take seriously.

Our bank account is shared, so I don’t even know if I can open another one without him knowing. What could I put in it that he wouldn’t notice? I could take cash out of our main account I suppose.

I do speak the local language (French) but I’d really like an English speaking support group or something and I can’t seem to find anything much, just “how to divorce in one month” (by mutual consent, which of course I don’t know if he’d agree to!) Also these sites say get a lawyer but I don’t know if you just pick one at random and how much difference it makes to costs. I could get one to call me back but 1) that requires me to be on my own and 2) it would be at random so I don’t know if it’s a good idea.

I think I have all the internet passwords for banking, insurance etc but there’s probably stuff I’ve forgotten.

I should have said too that after asking him several times to go to couples therapy, I finally booked a session and insisted we go. He was pretty negative about us at the session and I know he isn’t going to change at this stage anyway. I’ve booked another session next week (because he just never mentioned it again after that first time), but it’s more to convince myself that there’s nothing to save here.

By negative I mean, he didn’t say he wanted to save our relationship, it was more like “why change now?” - his position has been that if we’re unhappy it’s my fault too - which is true of course, but surely that’s a reason to go to therapy, not a reason to just go on as we are.

I guess I’m looking for a handhold and maybe if possible (ideally) someone with advice about divorce abroad. Im trying to think of who I know here who’s divorced whom I know well enough to ask….