How would you interpret his behaviour now that he is engaged?

[Gonegirl0825]

Me (23F) and a guy (28M) have known each other for a few years. We were never officially together, but we had a close emotional and sexual relationship before he got a girlfriend. When they started dating, I distanced myself, although he’d periodically reach out their entire relationship. He’s now engaged. Recently, he reached out again. He said he still wants me in his life and even invited me to their engagement party.
During the same conversation, he told me he’s still attracted to me and shared doubts about aspects of his engagement.
Whenever we’ve reconnected, I’ve tried to move things toward a normal friendship, but he continues to bring attraction into the dynamic. I’m struggling to understand what space he expects me to have in his life now. Being asked to celebrate his engagement while also hearing about his doubts and his ongoing attraction to me feels like being pulled in opposite directions.
How would you interpret this? Thanks ladies

This sounds like trouble. I'd avoid contact

He’s keeping you in reserve, don’t let him. Bar him and move on with your life.

In reserve? For what though he’s already committed to her / engaged

He's breadcrumbing you. He likes the attention and he likes having a bit on the side, but he does not, and will never see you as his primary girlfriend or partner. You are wasting your time and your life holding on for something more because that will never happen. He just wants to know he Han still have you if he wants.

While you’re still giving this man brain space you could be missing out on opportunities for a real relationship with someone who wants to put you first.

What happened to your very long thread where everybody said he was using you?

Sex and companionship that works alongside his real relationship. As soon as it doesn't, you will be gone.

He’s using you to feed his ego. Cut all ties, nothing good will come of this.

He doesn’t see you as a partner or the relationship would have worked first time round. Honestly, don’t entertain this man and look for someone who makes you feel good.

The PP means he's hedging his bets. He's planning for a scenario where if things don't work out with her and the relationship falls apart, he has a ready made "situationship" (as the young people say) to simply step into with you. No effort required. You're the fall-back, sorry.

I'm almost 40, I've seen this film before. You're only going to get the exact same advice from everyone here. Go no context with this no-hoper, don't look back, and enjoy your life.

Take care.

Do you really need it spelled put? For a shag on the side!

You’re his side piece. You’re the starter, not the main course. You’re lunch, not dinner. And you deserve better. This is not the man for you.

Yes. And stop ‘interpreting his behaviour’. It literally doesn’t matter what he thinks here. Only your own behaviour is within your control.

You need to cut contact with him. He’s a rat, plain and simple. His poor fiancée - hope she gets away before the wedding. You have the knowledge of his highly dubious moral fibre and weak sense of integrity- sack him off and be grateful you’re not in her shoes.

You are worth so much more than this, but I think you can already see that. A woman who fell for this would be questioning if he'd really found his person and wondering what she could do to make herself more appealing so he'd choose her, but you're not falling for it.

Don't waste your 20s (or any other time on your life really) on this shit.

Go and be with a man who adores you, chooses you and only you and makes you feel beautiful. This is not him and he is not worth (as my 6 year old would say) even a microdot of your time.

He thinks you are desperate and will accept whatever crumbs of sex and attention he decides to throw your way when he’s not getting enough attention at home.

I hope he’s wrong?

Have some self respect and stop chasing after someone who is involved with someone else.

Sounds like he still wants the sexual aspect of your previous acquaintance. If he was truly committed to and in love with his fiancée then he wouldn't be reaching out to a previous sexual partner and telling her he's still attracted to her. Do the fiancée and yourself a favour and sever contact. This will not end well.

Except she's not chasing after him at all. She would have been content with a friendship dynamic if he wasn't being such an arse. This is his poor behaviour, not hers.

Yes I don't understand why OP has started a second thread about this.
I think the answers on this thread will just echo what was said on the other.

Except that’s entirely within her control. Perfectly possible to say ‘You’re boring me now, Nigel —if you bring up attraction ever again, I won’t be seeing you again.’ And stick to it. Instead of which the OP keeps meeting him, apparently listening to him tell her he’s still attracted to her, and then running to the internet to ‘interpret’ his behaviour.

You've already posted about this and received lots of replies. It's obvious what he wants, not sure why you're posting again?

And why post in divorce/separation?

Classic case of having his cake and eating it. Some people can't commit to just one person. Sounds like an awful person. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone so lacking in morals.

Agree. Op - you aren't going to get the answers that you presumably want however many threads you start.

Share gis messages with this gf and see how that places everyone.
Wake up
Hes a sleaze bag
Ego and you really need this in your life!

Not so sure about that.

If you’ve already had a pages-long thread filled with identical replies to the ones here, I don’t know why you’d start another thread unless you were desperately hoping for different answers.

Sadly I think what the OP is after is validation that she’s actually the true love of his life, and she’s holding out hope he’s only now realised his mistake and will eventually come back to her. He won’t, because he’s obviously a dick and a user who doesn’t want her but loves the ego boost of keeping her hanging and fucking with her head.

Difficult as it may be, OP, you have to block and walk away. This ‘friendship’ will never bring you anything but pain.