Husband has cheated. I feel so lost.

[Lucylooloo2]

I found out 5 days ago that my husband has cheated on me with someone he works with. I’ve had suspicions for a couple of weeks which I brought to him and of course he denied it. I really thought he loved me so there would be no way he would do this. He’s been acting anxious and not himself though so I knew something was wrong. He eventually confessed over the phone to me, at first he had just kissed a random stranger and then finally I got it out of him that he had slept with someone. I knew who it would be too as I’ve been uncomfortable with this person at his work for a while.

I just feel so stupid. I really never saw this coming, no one I’ve confided in has. We’ve been together 11 years, married nearly 5. We have a 2 year old together.

He’s just changed over night, I have texts from the day before he told me saying how much he loves me, that I was his person and he would do anything for me. And now he’s just being so cold and distant.

Our whole relationship I’ve always made it clear that cheating is my firm red line and if you cross it that’s it over, so he’s been kicked out. But why do I miss him so much? Why am I desperate for him to just call me and tell me how sorry he his and beg for my forgiveness?

I just feel so lost.

Don’t really know what I’m looking for here, but hopefully there’s someone that’s been in a similar situation that’s further down the line that can tell me it will all be okay. And I can get through this without him and be happy again. Because right now I don’t see how I’ll ever be happy again.

This is so heartbreaking and tough. Impossible pain. But stand firm and stick to your guns that it is over and have pride in yourself that its done and you are in control.

Have you decent friends around you ?

@Lucylooloo2 I have sent you a PM.

sorry to hear this

has there been any conversation about why he dud it? Was he unhappy ? Were you having problems? Not saying that justifies it as it doesn’t at all but has ha said why ?

is he asking for forgiveness ? Or does he think he wants to Be with this person?

in terms of practical stuff if you are 100% committed to separating because of this then you’ll need to think about your situation in terms of divorce

eg
do you own a home together
are you working
who will pay what in the short term
what could a financial settlement look like
what housing will you both need
what does child arrangements look like

of course you don’t need to act immediately on these and should take time to process your emotions but soon enough you’ll need to think about these.

where is he staying now ? If you own a home together legally he can just return

And you will be ok whatever happens. It just won’t feel like it right now

Sending strength OP. It's very early days so it's going to feel so hard and will take time for the dust to start to settle, be kind & gentle to yourself. You are absolutely doing the right thing drawing a hard line and not tolerating this behaviour.
You won't see it yet, but eventually you'll get stronger and will move on from this, you'll rebuild & you can hold your head high knowing you stuck to your guns and didn't let him weedle his way back in, he doesn't deserve you.

You miss him because you’re human and it’d be weird to not miss your partner of 11 years. You still love him. That love you have for him doesn’t just disappear.

However IMO, cheating should absolutely be a hard line and you’ve done the right thing kicking him out. Save yourself the heartache and don’t take him back. You’ll never trust him again and you’ll never look at him again without seeing betrayal.