Anyone else quietly preparing for separation and planning when to leave?

[Sleighmyname86]

Anyone else ‘getting their ducks in a row?
when are you aiming to be gone?
I took first steps today and spoke to a financial advisor, citizens advice and can be ready by this time next year if I am very frugal and clever.
What are you most looking forward to? What are you dreading?
I wish finances meant this could be done sooner but I live not far from London and cannot relocate somewhere cheaper and lose all my family and friends support.

I did this in first marriage- saved cash for several months, made copies of bank statements etc etc. it was all well worth it as my ex was (predictably) absolutely vile when i did pull the plug
I always looked forward to not being with him any more frankly - no dread or fear at all

Yes me and I cannot wait to be free.

Why do you need to wait?
whats stopping you today ?

From the otherside my husband did this to me and it blindsided me to know he had been planning it for so long....

Yes, me! End of this year at the latest I hope. Our house will be in much better shape to sell by then and I will be in much better shape financially too.

I expect my husband will be blindsided too, but I think it's a different dynamic when a female leaves a male a lot of the time. I'm not telling my husband anything because I know he will be outraged that I want to end the relationship and will want to destroy me and maybe even kill me. Much safer for me to not say anything, stealthily move out and then tell him.

Of course there are cases where it’s best to bide time.

most separation and divorces don’t fall into that from a sense of violence risk. They just have to deal with a deeply hurt spouse who is not going to be pleased. I don’t think it’s fair for either sex to string the other along and then blindside them after years of planning both emotionally and financially and then miraculously expecting the other party to be ok and also on board with everything

I don’t think it’s fair for either sex to string the other along and then blindside them after years of planning both emotionally and financially and then miraculously expecting the other party to be ok and also on board with everything

I think you've misunderstood if you've interpreted posts in this thread as expecting the partner to be on board. Mostly it looks like the opposite - they're expecting them not to be on board to the point of violence - which is precisely why they don't feel they can be open about it.

I agree with this. Women are inherently less safe when ending a relationship.

@TheresMillionsOfGeoffreys which is precisely why I said there would be some cases it would be appropriate

but most don’t fall into that category. We have no idea if op does or not

most fall into, needing /wanting to gather money /find a house /wait for school to end etc.

I currently work part time as youngest not school age so need to work full time to put money aside.
Not married so no spousal support (he had loads of debts so it’s a sensible choice as now he also can’t get my pension and I don’t take on his debts.)
he has his own business and is self employed and declares next to nothing so won’t have to pay me much.
purely finances keeping me here.

He has cheated on me in the past and I suspect he is doing so again so I’m not doing this to a kind sweet man, rather one who has blown multiple chances:

To be clear, there is lots of abuse and he has done lots of awful things.
i am not the malicious party here.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear either. He knows. Well. It’s just taking time. He is not going to make it easy. When it finally is all signed and done, I will be elated.

@Ihavegotthisforever sorry to hear that sneaky bastard this that to you, you must have been really shocked.

But that doesn’t seem to be the case here, it sounds like he can’t claim to be ‘blindsided’
I have noticed some people who say they were ‘blindsided’ ignored a lot of things. (Obviously not in your case) I just see amongst my own friends that women are being ignored a lot and the men act shocked when their wives finally stop tolerating them.