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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

House vs maintenance

34 replies

pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 20:13

Weighing up all my options..

Joint mortgage, not married. One child in nursery. Both work full time.
Partners maintenance would work out around 250 a month. (This is what he pays for other child)

If (it is still an if but I want to plan my options) if we split, I would like to keep the house and transfer mortgage into my name. We could sell and split but would likely walk away with about 20k, maybe 30 max each after all fees etc. Not great and stressful. Nothing else in the area for either of us to buy separately I don't think.

To avoid this I want to try and keep the house. Instead of him paying maintenance could I put to him that instead of selling and splitting, we transfer into my name and he then pays no maintenance as a result?

Don't know if this is a crazy idea or not.. has it been done? It is feasible?
Rough workings show I would be financially better off with maintenance over the next 14/15 years of course, but to save the stress and upheaval I would be willing to consider this... am I mad?

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
MooseBeTimeForSnow · 26/02/2025 20:39

You’ll need a mortgage in your sole name. Can you afford it?

Original poster
pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:00

I think so. If not I could potentially ask family to be guarantor. Financially it'd be tight but I would manage I think.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 26/02/2025 21:04

Not sure that is a sell for him as he could just not pay the maintenance. He will also pay less if it is for two children. So you probably wouldn't get £250. have you done the calculator including his other child?

Original poster
pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:10

The more I think about it the more I am considering it .. would allow for a clean break. Partner would see child, probably for 2 days. No overnights. Don't think he plans to buy, probably rent or even house share. Don't know if that's relevant.

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 26/02/2025 21:11

This isn’t a good idea (for your partner).

Even if you did came to an agreement between you (and you would need to be able to take the mortgage on yourself).

After 12 months any agreement can be over turned & you can claim CM through the CMS.

Original poster
pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:12

DorothyStorm · 26/02/2025 21:04

Not sure that is a sell for him as he could just not pay the maintenance. He will also pay less if it is for two children. So you probably wouldn't get £250. have you done the calculator including his other child?

The other child is not mine, so he wouldn't be paying less surely? He is paying to his ex, and then if we do split, to me? I have gone through and worked out how much based on his wage yes.
I see your point about him not paying maintenance. I know things could change, but he had a historically rocky time with his ex, but never missed a payment. Is a v good dad. Would not want to loose his child.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 26/02/2025 21:12

pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:10

The more I think about it the more I am considering it .. would allow for a clean break. Partner would see child, probably for 2 days. No overnights. Don't think he plans to buy, probably rent or even house share. Don't know if that's relevant.

Where would his children stay is he is house sharing?

Original poster
pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:13

NorthernSpirit · 26/02/2025 21:11

This isn’t a good idea (for your partner).

Even if you did came to an agreement between you (and you would need to be able to take the mortgage on yourself).

After 12 months any agreement can be over turned & you can claim CM through the CMS.

Oh that's interesting. Even if it was all in writing and legally agreed it could be overturned? That seems a bit crazy if things have been agreed on both sides!

OP posts:
Strictly1 · 26/02/2025 21:14

He’d be daft to agree to that.

Original poster
pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:16

@DorothyStorm so don't know logistics like that at the moment. This is all me trying to see possible options. He currently has one overnight with his other child. This would have to change if we split. Even if we split and sold the house, he wouldn't be able to buy again (some bad credit recently, plus not enough deposit) so renting or house share would be only option. He wouldn't be able to have overnights in this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:16

Strictly1 · 26/02/2025 21:14

He’d be daft to agree to that.

How so? Financially saves him money? This is all hearsay while I try to work out all possibilities.

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 26/02/2025 21:24

pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:13

Oh that's interesting. Even if it was all in writing and legally agreed it could be overturned? That seems a bit crazy if things have been agreed on both sides!

Show quote history

It would only be overturned if you challenged it surely, which you wouldn’t

Savemefromwetdog · 26/02/2025 21:28

You can add the figures into the CMS calculator online and see how much maintenance you would likely be awarded. PP are correct in that it won’t be exactly the same amount - the other child’s amount will also be reduced.

As PP have said, there would be nothing to stop you going to the CMS after 366 days, so this would be unlikely to be agreed if he consults a lawyer.

Check out what you are entitled to in terms of benefits etc before weighing up your decision.

Strictly1 · 26/02/2025 21:31

pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:16

How so? Financially saves him money? This is all hearsay while I try to work out all possibilities.

Show quote history

Because you can change your mind.

HaddyAbrams · 26/02/2025 21:33

You could certainly put it to him, whether he'd agree or not is another matter. There's no law that says you have to claim maintenance.

And you wont get £250 in maintenance. Assuming he's currently paying at CMS rate, he should be paying about 12% of his income.
If you claim as well, he will pay 16% split between you and the other Mum. So 8% each.

Overthebow · 26/02/2025 21:35

pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:12

The other child is not mine, so he wouldn't be paying less surely? He is paying to his ex, and then if we do split, to me? I have gone through and worked out how much based on his wage yes.
I see your point about him not paying maintenance. I know things could change, but he had a historically rocky time with his ex, but never missed a payment. Is a v good dad. Would not want to loose his child.

Show quote history

Yes he will pay less because of his other child.

Original poster
pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:38

Partner and ex have never been through courts officially for maintenance etc, they just set it & agreed it between them. It works out about the same as if it were official, if that makes sense.

Thankyou to those who are explaining bits, didn't know about maintenance splitting and being less (but of course that makes sense).

We would have everything legally agreed and documented so I would make sure to put in there that there would be no maintenance payments moving forward, we would keep it fair (I hope!). I guess it's not a usual solution then? Would love to chat to anyone who has worked out something similar!

OP posts:
Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 26/02/2025 21:42

pennyforthem10 · 26/02/2025 21:16

@DorothyStorm so don't know logistics like that at the moment. This is all me trying to see possible options. He currently has one overnight with his other child. This would have to change if we split. Even if we split and sold the house, he wouldn't be able to buy again (some bad credit recently, plus not enough deposit) so renting or house share would be only option. He wouldn't be able to have overnights in this situation.

You can get a mortgage with bad credit.

Mindymomo · 27/02/2025 07:27

Friends of ours did this, although looking back, our friend, the husband lost out considerably, but he was always hoping they would get back together. The Wife paid him an amount when they split and got a mortgage in her own name. He rented round the corner and had DC 50/50 so no maintenance. Once the DC were older she’s sold up and moved to a larger house. We think he should have had some of the profit from the sale of the house, but he agreed at the time to the payout.

millymollymoomoo · 27/02/2025 08:03

furstky there is no settlement here as you are not married. So your rights to the house are based solely on how that is owned ( joint tenants or tenants in common)

if you want to keep the house you need to pay out his share ( based on the above ) and take on the whole mortgage - you will need to pass mortgage affordability criteria to do so.

he will need to agree to you buying him out.

he would be advised legally to not accept any agreement to waive his rights to his share of equity in exchange fir no maintenance as courts don’t have jurisdiction over these, cos does and at any time you could put in a claim and they would not even look at any ‘agreement’ and calculate simply based on earning, nights and no of children

its not good for either of you.

ChonkyRabbit · 27/02/2025 08:06

There's no way you can sign away your right to claim maintenance for the next 18 years, so he would have to sign over a house based on your word. Which would be very risky for him but only you know if he would be willing to do that.

3LemonsAndLime · 27/02/2025 08:21

ChonkyRabbit · 27/02/2025 08:06

There's no way you can sign away your right to claim maintenance for the next 18 years, so he would have to sign over a house based on your word. Which would be very risky for him but only you know if he would be willing to do that.

And to add to this - you might think now you would keep your word and not claim, but in one, two, five years time…..cost of living increases mean you are struggling and can’t afford things for your child and so you ask/claim….. Or he suddenly gets a new job or pay rise and you work out what you could have got, and start to think it’s not fair you have shortchanged your child like this….

Or even you lose your job or go through difficult times and need money. All reasons why in future you would justify it to yourself that you were ‘doing it for your child’ and claim.

LemonTT · 27/02/2025 09:10

ChonkyRabbit · 27/02/2025 08:06

There's no way you can sign away your right to claim maintenance for the next 18 years, so he would have to sign over a house based on your word. Which would be very risky for him but only you know if he would be willing to do that.

It’s not the OPs right to maintenance. It is the children’s right. She and the father are responsible for them.

Original poster
pennyforthem10 · 27/02/2025 16:45

Mindymomo · 27/02/2025 07:27

Friends of ours did this, although looking back, our friend, the husband lost out considerably, but he was always hoping they would get back together. The Wife paid him an amount when they split and got a mortgage in her own name. He rented round the corner and had DC 50/50 so no maintenance. Once the DC were older she’s sold up and moved to a larger house. We think he should have had some of the profit from the sale of the house, but he agreed at the time to the payout.

Thankyou. Good to hear both sides. I can see the potential issues, lots of which I hadn't considered.

OP posts:
Original poster
pennyforthem10 · 27/02/2025 16:48

@LemonTT you are absolutely right when you say it is the child's right. That's why I would want to secure a stable home for them if the split does happen, a home where she is settled and the disruption is minimal. That would be financial security for her as I see it. Bills and cost of living etc ... all manageable with juggling.
I stress that splitting means selling and loosing money (as happens in every sale with fees etc). I know this is likely the case in splits, and is the price to pay, I am just trying to consider a solution where this could be avoided. Which I think both parties will want. Thanks to those pointing out the downsides for partner. All relevant, I will keep considering options.

OP posts: