Worried about divorce and financial arrangements

[BrassFrenchie]

Help!

my husband has left me without much of a reason. We’re about to start mediation and divorce process, but I can’t sleep at night for worrying about how I’ll cope in the future.

he was the main earner (teacher earning £53k) while I’m an admin assistant earning £25k, however I’ve only earned £18k for the last 6 years but have just bagged a promotion).

we’ve got around £150k equity in the house and a £32k mortgage.

He said he’ll walk away from the house and leave me with it - I don’t think I could afford to buy him out. But family keep telling me that I’ll regret accepting the house and not asking for a share of his pension instead.

Hes been teaching for 15/16 years. Anyone in a similar situation that might know what his pension (or CETV) is worth?

So he's offering you £75k minus half of the fees it would cost to sell the house, to leave his pension untouched. Which implies that his pension pot is worth more than £150k.

Don't agree to anything yet. Wait until all assets are declared and then accept half (or more). Do you have any other assets - pension etc? Do you have children? Will you be their primary carer?

In the end, all assets have a monetary value, it doesn't matter where the money comes from, rather that you get your 50% of the total.

You will need £107k to keep the house if you want to. Ideally he would give you at least his half of the house equity plus £32k. Let your solicitor advise you.

How old are you, will you have time to build up a pension of your own? His pension does have to be included in the division of assets, but in all honesty you probably won’t be able to house yourself securely on £25k. So you may need to prioritise keeping the house over a bigger share of his pension.

Surely he needs to declare all his assets including his pension? When he does, then you can make an informed decision on what to accept. Can you ask at the next mediation meeting? (Caveat: I know nothing about mediation or divorce in the UK).

Thanks @Meadowfinch . Im 33 and he’s 37 and we’ve got a 3 year old daughter together

You need independent advice, separate from him and mediation, to expertly compare the benefits of both op. It's likely he knows the value of his pension, and this is information you need to make an informed decision.
Good luck OP. I know from experience the hell of divorce.

Depends whether his pension is DC or DB really. If it's DB then if he's only been paying into it for 15 years - unless he makes a very significant voluntary contribution from his income, it might not be worth that much. Also you are both relatively young so have plenty of time to build up your own pension still and having the house might be more important to you in the short to medium term.

You need specialist advice really. In the process of resolving finances he will have to provide a CETV for his pension so you'll see what its current value is, though current value isn't always a fair comparator against the value of other assets, since future value can fluctuate so much.

Sorry above should have said "if it's DC..."

At his age, it’s likely his pension isn’t massive, especially as he would not have been earning 50k all that time. Op is 33 only has a young child so her career hasn’t taken a hit gor her being a long time sahm - hence she just happens to work a job that pays less. Op also has time to build up her her pension.

So yes the pension should be valued and in the pot but it won’t be valued at £1-1 for equity, especially with decades to go, and op needs equity for housing.

how long have you been married as that’s the pension portion accrued during marriage you’re entitled to

It depends. If you want to stay in the family home and the only way to do that is with all the equity, taking the offer may be the right decision for you. His salary is not particularly large and after 15 years ( assuming you were together that whole time), there won’t be that much in his pension pot . Speak to a solicitor.

@millymollymoomoo we've been married for 9 years

Unfortunately I can’t afford a solicitor at the moment as we don’t really have sufficient savings.

Can you just ask him what's in his pension? Do you think he'd lie to you?

The other option (though maybe too optimistic) is he's feeling guilty and knows he's being generous. I wouldn't want to shoot myself in the foot by assuming he's got more than £150k in a pension - especially at that age/salary.

I agree with this. He’s on 53k after 15 years. When he started teaching he will have been on around 24k. Highly unlikely there is 150k in his pot now.

Ask to see a statement or log in if he can to show you his pension balance.

Sounds like there may be another woman involved here. I'm a big advocate for the woman retaining the house if possible, with this cost of living crisis especially. I know that a pension is important too, but that doesn't help if you have nowhere to live and house your child now.

Pension CETV is likely (v ballpark) around £200,000. But, as others have said, that is somewhat reduced in importance as retirement is >20 years away.

I think it’s a common thing for women to give up rights to pension sharing in favour of keeping the house, and it can sometimes be a good way forward but you absolutely need to have all the facts.
The problem is the teaching pension people can take months to give a CETV figure ☹️ so he should request that as soon as possible.

If you have to use a credit card or ask someone to lend you the money, please go and see a solicitor asap to get proper legal advice.

I would be really surprised if he’s being genuine about walking away from a house that has £150K equity which he’s contributed to.

@LittleRedRidingHoody there definitely feels like there’s an element of guilt surrounding it all. He’s always been really motivated by mo eh, so to give up any of it without much of a fight definitely supports my thoughts. I’m hoping there’s another woman at this stage because it’ll make me feel like I’m not going totally insane. It wasn’t toxic at home, we didn’t argue, we just chugged along nicely (or so I though)

Re his teachers pension... The employer contributions are generous and teachers are forced to contribute quite a high % of their salaries to it too so they really add up. It's DB not DC. I have one from about 14 years of teaching and it's surprisingly high compared to private DC pensions I've now got after leaving teaching.

Crucially- teachers can register online to view their teachers pension and it includes a projection of what it will pay out at retirement age. He can do this quite easily online and he's bullshitting if he says it's difficult to find out the value of his teachers pension.

unemplpyed how have you come up with that figure? He will have been on less than half that salary as a NQT etc

Do you also have a pension? If not why? You’re 33 with a child who’s only 3 so that’s 8-10 years working that you could be contributing.

He’s a teacher - he doesn’t have a pension pot.
OP, if he's been paying into his pension for 15 years it might be worth around £8k by the time he reaches retirement age (67?). Presumably you also have a pension? It’s currently taking TPS a year to produce a CETV statement, which is what you'd both need for a financial settlement.

You need a solicitor. Find one who will work with you to keep the costs down. And some Google searching can help you do a lot of fact finding yourself.
Look up Form E, some solicitors have very helpful free guides to filling it in which can help you save a lot of costs. But you both filling that in for yourselves is the starting place for any negotiation.
Mediation is the cheapest way to go to sort a lot of this, but if the mediator thinks one party is dominating or unwilling to compromise they will send you back to solicitors.

No point knowing what it's worth in x years, you need a CETV now to know what to do re. pension vs house. You will likely not be entitled to 50% of pension if only married for 9 years - so bear that in mind too.

Has he any savings? Car(s)?

You have to get a solicitor unfortunately.

You’re wrong. The TPS will show what his pension currently stands at from retirement age, which will be 67 for someone who’s now 37. What you can’t find out online easily is the CETV - ie the ‘value’ of the pension as it stands at the moment, which is the figure that’s needed in divorce.
What people also don’t realise is that you can’t actually get hold of that money now - it’s what you’d be entitled to once they retire.