Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Did you go for his pension?

50 replies

whymewhyme · 14/11/2024 06:05

Just done another post about conditional order anyway, did you go for his pension? He's been a nightmare since day one he's made everything hard, he's not decided if he will attend mediation and has said he will go to court over me going for more than 50% and his pension ( i dont plan on going for me than 50%) when I spoke to a solicitor the costs involved if it goes to court with him contesting the pension were eye watering. There's only 51k equity and it seems he's happy to blow the lot of fees if it stops me having more.

I don't know what to do, I feel like cutting my losses and going just for 5050 and leaving his pension alone for a easy life but at the same time I'm sick of being bullied by him and every other divorcee I've spoke to went for the pension. I sacrificed my career so he could excellent in his, my pension will be pittance compared to his.

Do I walk away with my 50% or would you go for the pension?

I should add not looking like he will come to mediation so it's going to cost a fortune in solicitors as it is.

OP posts:
Wolframandhart · 14/11/2024 06:08

What did your solicitor say? Id include the pension.

Muthaofcats · 14/11/2024 06:10

Pension is part of the marital pot; it’s not ‘his’ pension. It all needs to go in to the pot and then the starting point is 50:50 of that.
It could then differ from this presumption depending on needs, ie if you have the kids living with you etc and the pot isn’t big enough to be split equally and sort you both.

Muthaofcats · 14/11/2024 06:12

Would you consider using a cheaper option like The Divorce Surgery which is experienced barristers telling you what would happen in court and then they work out the right split between you (basically mediation with someone who is a divorce expert so can guide you and explain to husband what will happen if he pushes for litigation)

WeregoingtoIbiza · 14/11/2024 06:17

You won't get 50% of his pension but enough to make your pension equal his.

My ex went for mine and ended up with 40%. We had agreed prior for him to keep his assets and I'd keep my pension. That was obviously before he found out how much my pension was worth.

NightHouse · 14/11/2024 06:19

I didn't and I regret it now I'm approaching the age where his pensions will pay out. I'm struggling having brought our 3 children up single handed (he did not pay maintenance or visit them). He's already living a very comfortable life.

eurochick · 14/11/2024 06:28

50/50 without his pension being considered will not be 50/50. You will end up with less than half.

doitwithlove · 14/11/2024 06:32

I was advised to go for the total of the house sale or half his pension.

Toomuch2019 · 14/11/2024 06:34

Definitely get legal advice.

My thoughts are if he's being so sensitive about the pension he realises its value.

If you've made choices for your family that has affected your pension you should definitely go for it.

Tel12 · 14/11/2024 06:38

Of course you should go for it. Penury in old age is no fun.

LilacTurtle · 14/11/2024 06:41

I would. It was a mutual decision for me to spend years being a SAHM while he lived his dream, so I deserve it as compensation for what I couldn't build in those years.

RecycleMePlease · 14/11/2024 07:04

Don't impoverish yourself in the future for an easier life now (not that it'll be easy - remember he'll fight even the 50% if you say you've given up on the pension - he's not going to suddenly become reasonable)

I took my ex to court for maintenance (neither of us had any pension at the time) - it took nearly 3 years (he switched solicitor multiple times, and was very slow to respond to anything - it always took threats). I spent just about 20k on my solicitor (and a barrister for 2 hearings). He spent about 100k (he brought a barrister to everything), and I got a close enough to fair share and maintenance from him.

TwistlnMySobriety · 14/11/2024 07:05

My mum got half, shafted in other ways though!

FinallyMovingHouse · 14/11/2024 07:06

It's not his pension whilst you're married; it's OUR pension, just as it's our mortgage, our savings etc. It should absolutely be included.

millymollymoomoo · 14/11/2024 07:08

Depends how big it is

you mention his career has excelled but there’s only 50k equity?

what does he earn, what do you earn? How long were you sahm, how old are you both? How long married? Those would guide me

the pension should be included in the pot for division but for me it would all depend on values and factors above. there is no point spending 10s of thousands, and more in emotional energy, depleting pots which are small to start with. You could just ask for more of the equity

Passmetheaero · 14/11/2024 07:11

What’s the value of your combined pension pots?

Mumofteenandtween · 14/11/2024 07:13

I am not getting divorced but if I was I would go for a fair share of ALL family assets - yes.

redastherose · 14/11/2024 07:19

As pp said it's not his pension it's part of the marital assets and may well be worth more than the house equity. It goes in the pot and gets split. Do you know what it's worth? If not do nothing without that knowledge. Don't let him bully you.

gestroopd · 14/11/2024 07:26

I went for 60% of the pension accrued during our marriage. If it wasn't for me he'd not have accrued most of it because his work is apparently incompatible with any childcare whatsoever, unless he felt like it (funny, cos he had female colleagues with kids..). He prevented me working too. So yes, pension, 50%, only what I was entitled to.

OneDandyPoet · 14/11/2024 08:02

whymewhyme · 14/11/2024 06:05

Just done another post about conditional order anyway, did you go for his pension? He's been a nightmare since day one he's made everything hard, he's not decided if he will attend mediation and has said he will go to court over me going for more than 50% and his pension ( i dont plan on going for me than 50%) when I spoke to a solicitor the costs involved if it goes to court with him contesting the pension were eye watering. There's only 51k equity and it seems he's happy to blow the lot of fees if it stops me having more.

I don't know what to do, I feel like cutting my losses and going just for 5050 and leaving his pension alone for a easy life but at the same time I'm sick of being bullied by him and every other divorcee I've spoke to went for the pension. I sacrificed my career so he could excellent in his, my pension will be pittance compared to his.

Do I walk away with my 50% or would you go for the pension?

I should add not looking like he will come to mediation so it's going to cost a fortune in solicitors as it is.

It’s not “his” pension , you completely deserve half of that. Like you said you gave up your career so that he could pursue and excel at his career, and there is no way that he could have done that, if you hadn’t made that sacrifice. I personally would pursue this.

Original poster
whymewhyme · 14/11/2024 09:13

Thanks for the reply, I just worry about how much it's all going to cost to pursue it all.

When I say he excelled in his job, that's probably the wrong word, and I've been a bit misleading.

he's not a high flying businessman, but he started at the bottom and worked his way up. He's didn't earn that much 30k, maybe a bit more, so I meant he excelled as in he did well within in the company, and I just worked whatever I could get around school runs, etc. Sorry about that. I also believe he's left that job after 17yrs.

I know I'm entitled to 50% of the house equity as it's was jointly owned, but everyone in the family is telling me not to go for his pension, just cut ties and keep my peace. I just haven't got the fight in me anymore. I'm hoping he will attend mediation so that we can start the ball rolling.

The lady at mediation said she wasn't hopeful and asked him how he planned to sort the marital finances, I got the vibe he was a bit of a tit on the fone to her, lol.

OP posts:
BuzzieLittleBee · 14/11/2024 09:17

What are the practicalities of a pension being part of the settlement? If you're, say, 40, then you can access the pension until you're 55 (or 57 by then). So do you have to wait (and therefore be tied to each other) until that time?
Or is there a way of transferring money out of a pension before it matures in certain circumstances?

Anotherfrozenpizzafortea · 14/11/2024 09:29

Theres a lot to consider in the financial split.

How long were you married? If a short marriage it's likely that assets are split according to where you were prior to marriage.ay not be close to 50/50

Are there any kids? Who will be majority caring for the kids? If one of you has the kids and has reduced earning capacity then this could tilt the balance away from 50/50

In any case, 50/50 includes ALL marital assets, and pension accrued during marriage would certainly be included in the 50/50, as would savings and debts. He might consider increasing your % of the equity in exchange for his pension. But there are lots of other things to consider.

Have a look on the wikivorce forums, lots of actual advice from those going through it as well as legal bods.

thatischarming · 14/11/2024 09:36

I got most of the equity from the house as I had the children (not enough to keep the house) and exh had part of my pension. This was court ordered as we could not agree on anything.

We are now pensionable age (you never think the day will come but it does) and are both living off the pension now.

You definitely need advice and probably should go for it.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/11/2024 10:00

50 50 of everything, he can give your moreover the house and keep the pension.

millymollymoomoo · 14/11/2024 10:10

You need to consider the questions asked re

both your earnings
both your ages ( ie ability for you both to recover pensions and build up pot)
Length of marriage
if he’s not high earner it may be less than you think in the pension.

size of pot of assets. You can easily consume thousands and thousands fighting over a small pot of assets.

youre not entitled to 50% of assets. Youre entitled to a fair share which could be that or more or less. Depending on all these answers to your circumstances

im not saying just ignore things but ultimately you’ll need to decide whether to spend loads chasing not much. Never worth spending 20k to be awarded 15k

do you have any idea what the pot size is? That’s key to determine the way forward