How to handle childcare if you work nights

[AnotherVice]

I'll be damned if I have to give up my much loved, hard earned job in the NHS in order to leave my marriage but also it can't be the reason I stay. I have 2 younger dcs and I can't see how it would work without the overnight childcare. Typically I work x2 long days and x2 nights/week so if we were shipping kids between us he would end up having them most of the week. I feel so trapped. Any advice would be gratefully received

You can do this.

Firstly does the Nhs have a altered hours pattern you can apply for?

Then there's childminders?

Or a child access plan around your rota, ex dp and I do this around my 3 week emergency services schedule.

Or can you pal up with someone on an opposite block from yourself so you do 4 days then week 2 4 nights?

Definitely doable. I have a 4 week fixed rota including a week of nights. Your Stbexh will have to agree to work around you though which may not go down well. Try and find yourself some bargaining chip to make it worth their while. I agreed they could have 1 day extra than me a year so they could claim all child benefit and tax credits in exchange for arranging childcare around my work.

I also have my parents sleep over for one night of my nights week to break it up. It’s all very complex to keep it 50/50 but I manage it through a shared google calendar which is adhered to strictly.

Would you think about moving to an area without shifts eg outpatients, GP surgery, community?

Do you have family support nearby?

It's really tough.

Apologies, I am trying to be a little vague. The area I work in really is the only area I'm interested in and it's not really transferable, not at the level I'm at anyway. The only scope to change hours is to move onto an 8hr rota but that then restricts my progression. It also means I'd need childcare more days per week and would still finish at 0200 some days. I can see that keeping stbxh sweet is going to be my best option, unfortunately.

I do have family support yes but not the 'babysit til 3am when they have their own jobs' kind of help

Would swapping to 3 full nights and dropping days work? Then he has them those 3 night and you the other 4?

Hi there @AnotherVice

I am in the same position as you. I just split with my husband after years of it not going anywhere (not through lack of trying). He done the childcare as he had no job. It wasnt enough for me to stay with him - even though I was flexible as anything with childcare covered. I dont want to give up my job either. The NHS are not great at being family friendly to single parents... even the late shifts arnt really suitable. As you say going to clinics or community is more days overall and you may end up losing skills.

I am lucky for now I have a family member who is helping and a friend who can jump in if needs must. How long it lasts, Im not sure... would you be in the position for an au pair?

Sorry no real words of wisdom - just a wave to say hi and you arnt alone :)