Missing my boys again at Christmas

[RainMinusBow]

Five Christmases on and it's still so difficult. Most other mummies just take it for granted that they can tuck their children in on Christmas Eve and see their happy, excited faces on Christmas morning.

Instead my two boys are with my controlling b**tard of an ex-husband and I haven't seen them for 15 days.

Sorry to rant, it just breaks my heart this is the price I'll always be paying for finding the courage to leave.

Thinking of everyone who is without their children over the festive period x

I'm so sorry op. Your heart must be aching :(
How old are your boys?

Thank you @reindeer878.They're now 9 and 11 but it's been this way since they were 3 and 6. Youngest also I hear is poorly with a chest infection and just wish I could talk to him or give him a cuddle.

That must be hard. I hope you won't be alone tomorrow

@57Shouldbedoing It is. I have my fiancé with my but he doesn't really understand how I feel as he has no children. Well, yet...I'm pregnant and due next May.

Everyone keeps saying "Well you'll have the baby next year" and of course we will be thrilled, but that doesn't take away the pain of missing my other two.

@Shouldbedoing Apologies - don't know why the 57 got there!!

Are they with the ex every year? Do you have court ordered access arrangements? Surely it should be alternate?

How come they they are with your ex every year? Surely that isn't right ? Does he have full custody or something ?

He has 50:50. So I either get them 5pm Christmas Day after days at his, or they go back to his for days after at 5pm on Christmas Day. So it alternates but it still sucks big time. He doesn't let me speak to them either when they're with him.