Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Flip

Original poster

5 kids and dating after seperation

13 replies

shezz1983 · 07/07/2019 07:27

hey all this is my first post and im so over my head lol so in short 7 weeks ago i told my husband i didnt love him anymore he moved out im trying to figure out the best way to get a quick divorce we have 5 kids together who are all dealing with it as well as can be expected and were great buut ive known this guy for 2 years fancied him from afar {works out he has too} as hed come into my place of work 2 months ago we started texting and talking more and now were kinda dating talk every day thing is were both going through the same thing (seperation ending with divorce) i know what we both feel but its hard dating around the kids as i dont want them to meet yet obviously whats the best way to do this its so confusing any help would be grateful (kids dont know were together just were friends)

OP posts:

IVEgottheDECAF · 07/07/2019 07:30

Honestly. You split up with your husband 7 weeks ago. Whats the rush

Original poster

shezz1983 · 07/07/2019 07:36

yeah on paper but its been a long time coming been unsure for a long time i just had the balls to end things recently its been 17 years together it was a big decision to make. you know that old saying when you know its right ...this is it (soppy i know) fully prepped to be a single mum but not prepped for feelings appearing for my "friend"

OP posts:

jackio2205 · 07/07/2019 07:39

Agree with pp, whats the rush, but then on the other hand you cant help when you meet someone, just be careful not to keep the rose tinted glasses on i think.
When it comes to dating with kids complication i think you have to really compartmentalize things, be strict about what time is yours with kids and what you have to spare, kids need more routine than ever so they come first and then pull on your resources to have maybe a date a week or every other week if you can.

Pipandmum · 07/07/2019 07:40

Slow way down. Your kids have just had their world explode. Think about them first. You need to manage their experience of your separation before thinking about how to work this guy into your life. Maybe once the kids are feeling reassured and safe you can slowly bring this man into their lives.

Original poster

shezz1983 · 07/07/2019 07:45

my kids do come first with everything and i totally get that they are my priority they are dealing with it well to be fair i know its a long way to go but were a talky family so we air everything which is fab my kids wont meet him for a long time yet its not fair on them ....not sure why i wrote this now guess just needed someone to talk to seems so easy written above

OP posts:

Original poster

shezz1983 · 07/07/2019 07:49

he completely gets my life right now and knows my kids come first he stays back until we can spend time together you really cant help it when you get feelings for someone ive fought it for two years.

OP posts:

LemonTT · 07/07/2019 09:15

Yes you can “help it”.

By thinking about the implications for your family. There will be fall out. Your ex will assume an affair, so will everyone else including your children. They get to live through an acrimonious divorce with everyone thinking you cheated. If you are just being selfish, I suspect that fits, you will destroy your long term relationship with them.

Freudianslip1 · 07/07/2019 14:39

Id second the slow the heck down advice. Seven weeks ago your dc's had a massive change and mentally you have already moved on. My mum to this day swears that we were not affected by their divorce....she doesn't know the years of counselling that me and my sister went through. She too had developed feelings for a 'friend' and thought we were stupid enough not to realise that they were in a relationship.

Flower64 · 07/07/2019 22:35

Sorry but you’ve been talking to this guy for two months and ended your marriage seven weeks ago? It’s great that you’re a talky family but you’ve not said how old your children are and that really defines whether it’s appropriate for them to know details for your marital breakdown. Seven weeks is no time at all after a 17 year old relationship has ended. I dated someone 4 months after my first marriage ended. My ex talked endlessly to our daughter about what an awful cow I was , must have had an affair, couldn’t possibly move on that fast. This was ten years ago and my daughter still struggles with her mental heath. My second marriage ended a year ago and I’ve put all of my effort into my children and making sure they’re ok - I’m nowhere near going on any dates. You need to slow down imo

spritesobright · 08/07/2019 17:54

Your feelings for this guy will be heightened by the emotions of the separation so it's easy to get carried away and think he's great, just because he's NOT your ex.
That doesn't mean it might not work out longer term but I would just keep that in mind.
It sounds like he was already a catalyst for you ending the marriage.

Jupiter13 · 08/07/2019 22:20

Sounds like your having an affair.

ColaFreezePop · 08/07/2019 22:37

Whether your kids are 37 or 7 it is inappropriate for them to know the finer details of your love life, especially about you deciding to hook up with another man you fancied before splitting up with their dad.

FFS slow down. If this guy is one for you long term there is no rush. If he is just a FB then don't mention him to anyone and keep him far away from your children regardless of how old they are.

crimsonlake · 08/07/2019 22:48

Apart from what has been said...both of you going through separations is a recipe for disaster. Focus on your children and help them get through this and do not overshare or burden them.

Flip