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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

What do I need to ask the solicitor

20 replies

Changedyetagain · 03/03/2019 19:02

So I have an appt later this week with a solicitor so what stuff do I need to be asking to make good use of my free half hour appt.

Such things as the DC, the house, finances etc. Any help/advice will be gratefully received

Very early days of a separation

OP posts:
Moffa · 03/03/2019 20:28

Following as in the same boat Flowers

Original poster
Changedyetagain · 03/03/2019 20:39

Moffa lets hope we get some good advice.Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Changedyetagain · 04/03/2019 07:15

Anyone??

Doesn't seem to be much help out there for us Moffa

OP posts:
Perty01234 · 04/03/2019 07:21

What you need to ask depends on whether it’s simple or not really...... Ie do you know the marital assests? Pension worth? Who is going to stay in the martial house / will it be sold and split? All these go towards whether the divorce is easier. Will it be a clean break?

Original poster
Changedyetagain · 04/03/2019 07:32

It's all so up in the air at the minute, very early days.

I'm in the house with DC, but H isn't happy about this. Doesn't see why he should be paying mortgage for a house he can't live in. Wants 50/50 custody of DC and won't be paying maintenance because of that

OP posts:
Perty01234 · 04/03/2019 07:38

The custody aspect Solictors won’t really get involved in to be honest, the court does need to be satisfied that the children are being cared for.

In respect of the house can you afford to take the mortgage on or buy him out? You would need to be able to show that you could afford the mortgage without his financial obligation. The courts can allow you to stay in it with the same mortgage however you would need to be able to pay it?

What does the 50/50 idea look like? Unless it is really, ie 4 night one week, 3 the next then there will still be an obligation to pay CM which you can pursue through CMS.

Original poster
Changedyetagain · 04/03/2019 07:47

No I can't afford to keep the house but it really sticks in my throat that he caused all this but I'll have to leave my home.

He is a shift worker so it will be a couple of nights one week, 3 the next, 2 the next then maybe one week with 4 nights sort of thing

OP posts:
Moffa · 04/03/2019 11:59

Yes I think the problem is no two divorces are the same.

I’m collating as much info as I can and seeing a solicitor in a couple of weeks.

I’d love answers & surety but I have to wait.

Good luck to us changedyetagain Flowers

ivegotthisyeah · 05/03/2019 17:00

How can he demand 50:50 child custody if he works shifts?! Honestly some people are so dim when it comes to getting out of paying maintenance good luck

FreckledLeopard · 05/03/2019 17:07

Main things to be aware of are that the reasons that the marriage broke down have no bearing on the financial settlement (unless there was extremely serious violence, abuse and even then there's no guarantee that there will be a departure from the 50:50 starting point for division of assets).

So, starting point is 50:50. If you can't buy him out (and consider if you could borrow from family etc), then the Court would consider (should it get to Court) what each party needs. It's normal to downsize. It's normal to have to work full time if necessary.

If it goes to Court, the costs will be significant (tens of thousands). If you're not high earners with significant assets, then try and get a deal agreed.

Consider mediation to come to an agreement if you think you can both be sensible and civil.

Original poster
Changedyetagain · 14/03/2019 14:44

Have you had appt with a solicitor yet Moffa, if so how did you get on?

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 14/03/2019 22:34

Half an hour is very, very little time. I would get together the details of all the assets house, pensions,savings and any debt so that the solicitor maybe able to give you an idea of what is a reasonable split.
Honestly my first meeting I paid for and was two and half hours long and we barely scratched the surface.

Moffa · 15/03/2019 07:17

Hi @changed,

No it’s on Monday. I am paying and it is 2 hours long. It’s expensive but I want good advice.

I’ve got to take proof of ID (passport & utility bill) plus I’ve listed our (known) assets etc.

I’ve written what is important to me (e.g residency order for kids) and what I’d ideally settle for.

I’ve written that I want to divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour and noted significant acts of domestic abuse (I am having NHS therapy and I have an NHS record of the abuse as I saw my GP on occasion).

I’ll keep you posted on how it goes and what is relevant so you can try and maximise use of a free solicitor (or maybe 2 or 3).

How are you doing? Xx

Moffa · 21/03/2019 15:05

Are you still here @changed?

Have you seen a solicitor yet?

Original poster
Changedyetagain · 21/03/2019 23:49

Still here Moffa, yes I've seen a solicitor.

I went hoping to be able to sort out financial stuff, the DC, some sort of legal separation etc but was told I couldn't really do any of this without starting the divorce process which I didn't realise and it kind of threw me off course.

How did you get on?

OP posts:
driftingcloud · 23/03/2019 22:14

I'd like to know whether what sort of person the husband is determines the outcome. Eg if I can't persuade my husband to let me have the house will that go through or will his solicitor discourage him. Does he even need one?

driftingcloud · 23/03/2019 22:28

And I want to know whether 50/50 has to be the starting point if one agrees that the spouse can have more. Hopeful

VanGoghsDog · 23/03/2019 22:35

You can agree a different split if you want.

What 'type of person' either party is doesn't really come into it

driftingcloud · 23/03/2019 22:42

@VanGoghsDog By type of person I meant how willing a person is to compromise and listen rather than why the divorce happened

VanGoghsDog · 23/03/2019 22:46

Well, kind of obviously if someone is 'the type of person' to compromise it will be easier to reach a compromise with them.

But be aware, people behave very differently and take advice from odd sources in these situations.

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