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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Child deciding who to live with

24 replies

Megabeth · 01/11/2018 14:29

My partner has asked me to leave the family home as he has met someone. (We're unmarried it's his house so I have to leave)
Our eldest child is 15 so my partner doesn't have parental responsibility. He was our son to stay with him so is saying our son can decide where to live. I said because he's under 16 he can't decide and I don't want my children to be separated because their dad has decided to end things. On top of being made homeless he said he is prepared to fight it in court. Will I have more say because I have parental parental responsibility?

OP posts:
Drawtheline14 · 01/11/2018 17:06

I think if he is the biological father and he went to court he would be awarded parental responsibility and the courts take into account children’s wishes on arrangements and where/who they want to live with from around 11. Have you spoke to your son?

MissMalice · 01/11/2018 17:10

No you won’t have more say I’m afraid. He will obtain PR easily. At 15 the courts would be very likely to follow the child’s wishes unless there were serious safeguarding reasons not to.

RightOcciputAnterior · 01/11/2018 17:11

At 15 the court would pay an awful lot of attention to what your son wants. You would do well to stop viewing this as a battle with your ex, and start looking at things through the prism of what your children think. If this ends up in court, it's highly likely that the 15-year-old's wishes would be highly influential. Oh, and which partner initiates a divorce has nothing to do with child arrangements proceedings, so don't expect the court to overrule your 15-year-old son's desire to live with Dad just because Dad is the one who fell out of love.

SillySallySingsSongs · 01/11/2018 17:14

You can't force a 15 year old to live with you. At their age their wishes are extremely likely to be granted.

horizonglimmer · 01/11/2018 17:16

This must be really hard for your OP. For your relationship to be ended, to be made homeless and to potentially have your child not living with you. I am really, really sorry you are going through this. It must seem painfully unfair.

Wishing you strength through this awful time.

Redgreencoverplant · 01/11/2018 17:16

I'm sorry to hear this but quite rightly at 15 the courts will seriously listen to your son.

Lyricallie · 01/11/2018 17:19

It might also be worth checking that you don’t have any rights to the family home if you have been together a very long time. I did study law and I’m having vague flashbacks to common law marriages although this is Scots law. Especially if you’ve been putting money in towards the house/mortgage etc.

If you’re near a local university sometimes they have free law clinics you can use.

Veganfortheanimals · 01/11/2018 17:28

Don't leave the home.go and get advice from CAB ..he can't just kick you out of your home ..get advice

Original poster
Megabeth · 01/11/2018 17:30

Today 17:11 RightOcciputAnterior

At 15 the court would pay an awful lot of attention to what your son wants. You would do well to stop viewing this as a battle with your ex, and start looking at things through the prism of what your children think. If this ends up in court, it's highly likely that the 15-year-old's wishes would be highly influential. Oh, and which partner initiates a divorce has nothing to do with child arrangements proceedings, so don't expect the court to overrule your 15-year-old son's desire to live with Dad just because Dad is the one who fell out of love

I didn't mention he wishes to live with his Dad. He hasn't said that. My stbx partner wants him to stay.

OP posts:
Original poster
Megabeth · 01/11/2018 17:32

leave the home.go and get advice from CAB ..he can't just kick you out of your home ..get advice
CAB were useless but there is a family law centre that offers free legal appointments.

OP posts:
Original poster
Megabeth · 01/11/2018 17:36

horizonglimmer
This must be really hard for your OP. For your relationship to be ended, to be made homeless and to potentially have your child not living with you. I am really, really sorry you are going through this. It must seem painfully unfair.
Wishing you strength through this awful time.
Thank you, it is hard. I just want to be with both children and not have them living separately. It's been a huge shock for them too.

OP posts:
Santaisgettingbusy · 01/11/2018 17:37

At 12 my ds decided to live with me full time and go nc with his df.
Df had a court order with him realistically more time with ds but didn't contest ds's decision.

Original poster
Megabeth · 02/11/2018 08:24

@Lyricallie
I have an appt in a law centre arranged but I'm really not hopeful, CAB and the council haven't said I have any rights to stay there.

OP posts:
RightOcciputAnterior · 02/11/2018 08:29

@megabeth What does your 15-year-old son want? Have either you or his Dad asked him?

Lyricallie · 02/11/2018 08:46

@Megabeth ugh annoying well best of luck with the law centre! Just seems crazy that they can just kick you out especially when you have a child together!

Original poster
Megabeth · 02/11/2018 08:57

@Lyricallie
Thanks, I knew from reading threads on here that he could do this but I didn't think it would ever happen. We have 2 children together but for some reason he hasn't mentioned wanting our youngest to stay with him. Perhaps he doesn't want the responsibility of a younger child...

OP posts:
wobytide · 02/11/2018 10:36

You both seem to be seeing the children as some sort of chattels that someone must own. Doesn't look like this will end very well for either child

absolutehush · 02/11/2018 10:44

@wobytide I'm not sure where you got that from?!?

OP - I'm sorry you're going through this. Have a conversation with your eldest about this. At 15, he will have an opinion.

Starlight345 · 02/11/2018 10:45

I think you are going to have to ask 15 year old as it is pointless going to court as there would be no reason not to listen to your ds’s wishes.

A relative of mine went to live with another family member at 15. He had mh problems . No one would help Mum not ss not the police despite not even been father.

Is he likely to want to stay with this brother ?What is the age difference?

cestlavielife · 02/11/2018 10:53

At 15 your ds has a say
Talk to him
If he lives with dad what arrangements will you have to see him?

Ss770640 · 03/11/2018 18:44

If your both named on the birth certificate, then you both have PR until age 18

cestlavielife · 03/11/2018 19:25

The rules changed in 2003 .
So it is possible dad does not have PR.

Original poster
Megabeth · 04/11/2018 15:30

The rules changed in 2003 .
So it is possible dad does not have PR.
Our son was born before the law changed. Stbex isn't aware. He regularly reminds me that he has equal rights as a father and also that I have no rights to live in his house.

OP posts:
RightOcciputAnterior · 04/11/2018 18:09

But if your ex takes you to court for PR, he'll get it pretty easily. So I wouldn't assume it gives you an advantage if I were you.

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