Difficult ex and phone communication with kids

[Lorry123]

My very controlling difficult ex wants contact with our DSs at any time of the day or night when they are in my care and sends me rude abusive messages if he can’t get through after calling them constantly.

I now have an opportunity to formally lock down communication rules - any advice on what I should be asking for? Should the kids phone the other parent every night at a set time? I don’t want to be restricted if we have plans but I do want an iron clad plan so he leaves me alone!

I wouid get a new phone (and email on it) solely for contact with XH/XP, and state that it will be turned on for [specify times weekdays and weekends] and whenever DC are with him.

All calls (either from him to DC or vice versa) can take place during those times. Emails about contact or other important child admin will also be checked each time the phone is turned on.

How old are the kids? What would they like?

The mania for daily calls is ridiculous imo unless the kids actually like and want it. Very invasive especially with tinies who can't just call dad on their own device if they want to.

They are 11 and 9 and have iPods that he contacts them on via FaceTime. The issues seem to arise when he can’t get hold of them when he wants to regardless of whether we are out or have guests over. I want to stop the constant intrusion of his daily (sometimes 3 or 4 times a day) calls to the kids - and then abuaive texts to me when they are not responding

Well the obvious answer is for them to call him when they want, but that can end up with him pressuring them for not calling enough. If that's likely then it needs to be taken off the kids' hands.

I generally advise a couple of call times a week is more than enough. Maybe Friday early evening on a non contact weekend and every Tuesday or Wednesday for a catch up. Definitely no calls on your weekends. Presumably you don't talk to them on his time?

Can you print off the texts he sends you to make your point?

We arranged during mediation that the kids (both under 10) call him at the same time on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday evenings (on a no contact weekend). I've pretty much adhered to these times (unless I've genuinely forgotten at which point I get a shitty text), but it works. If he has them for any length of time he reciprocates by facilitating calls from them - albeit it ain't 6pm as it should be, more like 9pm (facepalm).

To be fair the kids speak to him for less than about 3 mins. Although it's a pain in the backside, at least it's manageable. He initially expected to speak with them as and when he wanted and then berated me if we weren't around / available. It was unmanageable. Good luck op - sounds like ground rules need to be set.