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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Husband is getting a property double the value of mine.

23 replies

fuddle · 03/04/2018 10:45

We agreed on Splitting the proceeds from the house and doing things fairly. My husband is getting a three bedroomed house in a nice area because his parents are helping him out. The children don't want to be with me even though I've been a good mum and tried my best. I can't afford a nice place. It seems unfair, obviously it's not as straightforward as this I have three children, one is off to Uni and the other two are 15 and 13.

OP posts:

Original poster

fuddle · 03/04/2018 10:48

It's also in town where their school is and my sons work is but it's also more expensive. We don't live in the town now and manage. It seems unfair to me.

OP posts:

YoucancallmeVal · 03/04/2018 10:55

I know how you feel but it's just one of those things you need to learn to ignore. You aren't together and comparis8n really is the thief of joy. My ex moved 300 miles away and bought mortgage free - I have to use the equity from the FMH sale to pay my bills. I'm sure you can make wherever you live into a home and the kids are of an age where they are likely to be back and forth anyway.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 03/04/2018 10:55

I would hate to be split from my kids but if his parents are helping out there is not much you can do. Do you work and if so will your finances improve over time? How many bedrooms can you afford?

HollowTalk · 03/04/2018 10:57

I'm shocked your children don't want to be with you. Are they saying that out of self-interest (they want the better house) or are they blaming you for the break up?

Skatingfastonthinice · 03/04/2018 11:00

It’s not really about you though, it’s about what is better for your children. Enough room for them all, in town with school and friends. Those things matter to teenagers. Work on building a close relationship with them, without resentment of their choices.

Skatingfastonthinice · 03/04/2018 11:00

Hollow, you think the children should naturally prefer to be with their mother? Why?

IAmWonkoTheSane · 03/04/2018 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skatingfastonthinice · 03/04/2018 11:32

Did you initiate the split? Are you in another relationship?
If you are moving on with your life, it’s not very surprising that your teenagers, one of whom is an adult, are also thinking about their lives independently from their mother.

Bluebell9 · 03/04/2018 11:40

Is it that hes got more money for a new house than you that you think is not fair or that the kids want to live with him?

Original poster

fuddle · 03/04/2018 12:57

As usual these things are far more complicated than I can explain on here. I think I need to look at things legally. I know it's better to play the long wait and just do what's best for the children.

OP posts:

Skatingfastonthinice · 03/04/2018 13:06

Legally, his parents are helping him afford a bigger house, so how does that entitle you to more, legally? He’ll be the resident parent, the children have chosen, what’s the problem?

m0vinf0rward · 04/04/2018 06:30

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DancesWithOtters · 04/04/2018 08:01

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

fuddle · 09/04/2018 21:27

Money grabbing person? I've actually let my husband keep his savings and his pension some people on here don't have a clue...

OP posts:

OldHag1 · 09/04/2018 21:32

I think you come across as someone who feels she has lost everything not a money grabber in the least. Some people love to kick a person when they are down.

I would be devistated if my kids didn’t want to live with me.

All you can do OP is take one day at a time. Live for today and I am betting your kids will come back to you.

sleep5 · 09/04/2018 21:36

Why didn't you go for a portion of his pension if you're entitled to it? Seems silly to take less than what you should receive.

CrispyCrackers · 09/04/2018 21:37

Have you had proper legal advice. His parents giving him money is nothing to do with you now but you should make sure everything else (pensions etc) has been distributed fairly.

SpringSnowdrop · 09/04/2018 21:39

I agree with oldhag and am sorry OP it’s so hard. I would feel sad too, though I think it’s important not to let it show in case your DC feel any resentment. No one else can fill the important position you have as their mum and wherever they live you will be that same very special person, but I’m so sorry.

If it helps could you think of special things you could do together , or a holiday you’d like with them etc. Or talk to them about decorating your new home and anyway they’d like it decorated etc?

Original poster

fuddle · 10/04/2018 08:58

Thanks for your kindness. I will take on yr advice and I've realised I'll still get to see them and enjoy them. Its just takes a while to adjust to these things. I have to look on the positives.

OP posts:

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 10/04/2018 09:03

OP the kids will continuously make different decisions as time passes. My mate had this, in spite of her DH having an affair he managed to come out as the wronged party in her kids eyes for a while but she just stuck with it and let them find their own equilibrium. Now they are with her. Keep your chin up they are still your children no matter what, that never changes.

OldHag1 · 12/04/2018 09:52

I am in a similar position.. my ex was rubbish with money and has run up a lot of debts whilst we were together. His parents are well off and continue to bail him out. He will get a huge inheritance when they pop their clogs but is busy spending it now.

Do you have boys?

greenberet · 19/04/2018 16:24

I get where you're coming from op - I had a divorce from hell and due to being shafted by solicitors and x can only afford to buy something ok if I move over 200 miles away.

I should not be in this position - x manipulated valuation if company so I got nothing - family home was ordered to be sold and due to x running up massive debts equity eroded. He has since bought a house with Ow who funnily enough also works for company so somehow it is doing ok and also rents a property local so that he has somewhere for kids.

I'm trying to last out til kids are 18 and hopefully go off to uni but this is another 18 months so I may have to move sooner and kids will have to live with their father full time.

I doubt he wants this but unless I get anything from complaints against sols I can't make ends meet and so I have no option but to leave. I can't tell you how this makes me feel but I tell myself kids will be going off doing their own thing pretty soon anyway I'm just bringing it forward a bit.

They also say they hate it with me as I am so stressed with the continual emotional and financial abuse - I'm not coping well I know this but I am overwhelmed by it all - life is shit sometimes and somehow we have to make the best of it - best for who exactly?

I get you x

Ellapaella · 19/04/2018 16:34

Did you get legal advice during the divorce? I can't imagine a good solicitor would have advised you not to ask for a fair share of his pension, you really should have done that.
It must be so hard that the kids want to live with him but you can still make sure you maintain a great relationship with them and actually that might change over time, kids can really be quite fickle about these things. Presumably as resident parent this means he won't be paying you any child support either so are you worried about how you will cope financially? I can see it seems unfair but there's always going to be one parent who comes out of a divorce better off than the other, even if it's just down to who the children live with predominantly it must be devastating for either parent who gets left on their own.

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