Recently separated. My birthday and can’t stop crying

[Ilovecrumpets]

Just that really. Husband left me a few weeks ago. I have been doing ok - well managing to hold it together to go into work, function for my kids ( who are little).

It’s my birthday today and I have been awake crying for hours. The kids will wake soon and be excited for me so I really need to pull myself together but I can’t. I just feel so hopeless, overwhelmed and scared.

He's not Worth it.

Sorry OP

You will feel better once you can cuddle DCs

Have you anything planned with friends or family?

It’s so hard
What ages are the kids?

Thanks lljk I don’t think it is really about him, well a bit and the being rejected after 17 years. More that I have lost the life I had/thought I was going to have, as have my children. And tbh that the road ahead just looks so hard

Nearly 6 and just 3☹️

My family lives far away unfortunately. I will go to work today and think I will be ok when there - I have some lovely colleagues.

He is still in the house atm.

I guess a birthday just makes you think what the future will be like. The kids don’t know yet - we are telling them after xmas. It’s so hard seeing them all excited and knowing what is coming

Sorry, I don't know what you do about that grief. It seems very common, but people do recover. It must be possible.

Watching a friend go thru this after 17 yrs, too.
Many months later & she's still got waves of grief going on.
Please don't copy her & stalk the STBxH's new girlfriend.

Thank you for replying. Just typing has helped me start to get a grip.

No lljk I won’t! I have accepted it is over, I just struggle to see the shape of my new life ( early days) and also am worried about the kids and finanaces and where I will be able to afford to live

It’s just another day this year. Think of
A way you would like to mark it next year and what you hope to have achieved by then and it will focus you. Be strong. You can do this x

Thanks what. That is a good way to look at it

Oh it's just the pits that feeling. Once you live separately it'll slowly ease but it takes time.

All you can do is recognise that it truly is a sad situation and let the people you trust comfort and help you. If you try and resist or keep it to yourself it'll get worse. So my only advice is to reach out. Work colleagues can go from lovely to becoming great friends in times like these. for your birthday.

Happy birthday OP.
Put your brave face on for the kids, sending lots of love x

Thanks All. Your replies really have helped. My little boy has just jumped into the bedroom so the day begins.

Onwards and upwards Crumpets. And happy birthday

15 months on. Mine are 2, 3 and 5. I'm grateful they are young and will be used to this new way by the time their exams come along and hormonal teenage years.

You know you do have to have ten minutes of jolly birthdayness for your kids but you are allowed a self pitying feel sorry for yourself birthday if you would find that easier, just for this year.

Honestly, I got bored of crying. It is a horrible time. But you will be fine. You will have to be. And you will find a new way forward.

Happy Birthday.xxxxxxxx

Can you tell one of your colleagues and have a good old cry?

I felt the same this year. Kept myself busy but told a few trusted people that actually I was feeling pretty sad.
One day of the year where you want to feel a bit special...and you don’t. It’s hard.

Thank you so much everyone - have managed to smile for the kids and not cry ( it’s usually thinking about the kids that makes me cry ).

ferris I hope that is true for mine too. I’m most worried about my eldest as he is a sensitive boy and was badly affected when his father was away so much during his early years. He has just moved schools and is really settled for the first time .

A few colleagues at work know - I like to keep it together at work for the moment as I am relatively senior and quite valued - it is the one place that gives me back a bit of self confidence if that makes sense. I know I am lucky to have that.

@ilovecrumpets - Just thought I'd jump on to wish you Happy Birthday. Try to concentrate on work - where you clearly feel confident and valued. Maybe try to think of this as the first birthday of your new life? Perhaps that may help? It's only 1 birthday and I'm sure next year you will be in a far better place.

Thanks iam

Just to update - I came into work and there was a cake with candles and some little presents on my desk. People can be so kind

Good Crumpets x

Hope you are enjoying the day. How lovely of your colleagues. Chin up Crumpets

That’s lovely crumpets

Enjoy the rest of your day

I like the way you put that about imagining the shape of your new life being hard-that's how I feel, after 20+ years. We've not told anyone yet but I've told dh our marriage is over due to his being unfaithful and blaming me. I'm so pleased your colleagues looked after you and hope you had a lovely time with your kids. My birthday is later this month I'm arranging nice things to do with good friends.

Happy birthday
x