Any positive stories from those who used to be financially dependent on spouse?

[Dustysparrow]

It's looking increasingly likely that me and DH are heading for separation. Aside from the emotional fall-out of that I am very worried about the financial situation. We have an 8 yr old DD and I cannot support her financially at the moment. I earn about £6,000 freelancing and fear it would take a long time to find an additional job. There would be £50,000 equity each from the sale of the house, obviously not enough to buy another home and I couldn't afford a mortgage. I don't know what we would do or how we would live. The thought of the equity disappearing on rent is soul destroying.

Does anybody have any first hand experience of a similar situation where they have come out the other side stronger? I really need to hear something positive today.

I'm in a very similar predicament, no happy ever after ending to report I'm afraid, but if you're going to be primary carer for your DD you may be entitled to a larger share of the equity. Have you taken any legal advice?

You should look into replacing your freelance work with a job that pays more. I feel like that would be the most responsible thing to do in the situation...

No, I haven't taken any legal advice yet as we are still attempting to find a way through this, although I'm increasingly feeling that there is less and less hope of it. If the time comes then yes, I will seek legal advice, although I would want an amicable split and wouldn't want to see my DH struggle either, so it's really hard.

Yes, I will be looking for another job. But I am an illustrator so I don't know what transferrable skills I actually have or even where to begin looking, I have no idea what sort of job to look for. But maybe it's a case of looking at literally everything and seeing if anything I see fits. And actually, I think even if we get through this and stay together then I don't want to be financially dependent on him anymore anyway as it's something that has always bothered me. But I am finally getting somewhere with the illustration, that's the gutting thing about it. I just had my first children's book published. The though of packing it in is gut-wrenching after all the hard work and slog it's taken to get this far.

Could you get any kind of job to supplement your freelance work? I saw one poster who worked out a deal with her XH that she would take all the equity to buy a new place (as he could afford to rent and he was the one leaving) and then she would pay him his share back when she was able to get a mortgage.

Yes, that does sound like a good idea. It would be my DH leaving in this situation. If we sold our current home there would be no big mortgage involved any longer and my DH could then afford to rent. My DD and I would only be able to afford a 1 bedroom flat on the equity - but I would obviously be looking for a job. I actually did try to get a job a few years ago before I started illustrating and it was incredibly demoralizing, so many enquiries and applications sent out and I never heard back from them. I think that is what has made me hesitant about it. But needs must.

You could claim tax surely. Or the dreaded universal credit if you are in a UC area.

There was someone on MN who is in "Creative Services". I had to google it but this might be the role for you.