He wants to sell family home, I don't

[iammargesimpson]

Married 18 yrs 2 Ds age 13 and 7, house in joint names, both age 44. Original agreement (not legal, just us talking) was for him to rent somewhere, we split mortgage 50/50, sell in a few yrs 50/50. He has now decided that he wants to sell the house asap so we both are young enough to get mortgages to buy our own property each. I want to wait a few yrs (3-5) for the kids to get into new routine and get over shock of us splitting, he thinks it'll be easier to split and move at the same time for them, what do you advise?

He works full-time and I'm part time school hours so I won't get a mortgage anyway

If you're part-time it's very unlikely he'd have 50% of the value of the house. Maybe you should speak to a lawyer first. I stayed in the house, but you have to accept the costs are borne by you alone and it can get expensive.

You could compromise and say you'll move after a year.

Talk to a solicitor and take it from there, I have friends who have had all different arrangements so you really need legal expertise.

I'd be happy to stay and take on the costs of running the house myself, I could just about do it and I think for the kids it's so important to have a secure Base, same school bus route, friends, etc. I can see where he's coming from though, I end up in a family home and he ends up renting a flat.

I think you should take legal advice about your financial position. Other than that, my feeling is that it's too soon to sell now, but that 3-5 years is unnecessarily long.

Be very careful about selling if you can't afford to buy somewhere straight away - your equity will go on rent and house prices will go up over the long term.

Whilst your Ex will be able to buy and end up ok in the longer term.

You should also be expecting more than 50% of the equity if you need it to house you appropriately - especillay if you have taken a step back on your career and are going to be the one managing school drop offs and pick ups - your youngest DC will need childcare for some time yet if you move to a FT position. In my experience, even on the primary career goes back to FT, they are still the one juggling work and pick-up/drop-off from childcare, leave to cover holidays, days when DC are too ill for school etc.

I second the idea of speaking to a lawyer. I would also recognise that everyone needs a roof over their head. Perhaps you could move to a smaller house in the same area and that would enable your ex to get a flat?

Or perhaps remortgage the current house so that you release equity that he can use as a deposit on a new place for himself?

I would also say that DC are resilient and will be ok if you have to move house. However, my DC are really attached to our home, local area and school - so I am very glad that my ex and I managed to agree that I could stay in marital home. If we'd have had to move, it would have been ok - but you are not wrong to be thinking that a few years staying in the home would be good for your DC to give them stability whilst you deal with the split etc.

Can you afford the mortgage and running costs of current property?
Is there enough equity to purchase a suitable property.
Courts are more likely to go for clean break orders than mesher orders.

You can probably keep the house if you get a good lawyer given that the children are so young.

We had intended to go to mediation to help us sort finances, child access, etc but I'm thinking from all your replies (thanks so much BTW) that I need to talk to a solicitor to see exactly where I stand. I was hoping to keep things straightforward and now I'm thinking I was being a bit naive!

It's not unreasonable for him to want a bit of the equity as a deposit on a house or flat. Not 50% though, you obviously need more because of your lower income and ability to get a mortgage in your own name.

Sometimes, if the higher earner has a big pension, he (it's usually he) keeps that in exchange for nothing or very little from the house.

I think you might have to accept, though, that you don't have enough money/assets to keep the current house and him have a decent home too and you may well have to sell up. It would be lovely to delay for a few years but probably not fair to him to expect him to rent and pay part of the mortgage on a house he doesn't live in for several years. Clean break and complete financial independence is best for both of you moving on (apart from child maintenance of course).

Definitely see a solicitor.

Yes he does have a good pension, I don't as I only went back to work 18 months ago, I have started a medium to long term savings plan, mostly to get the kids through college. I'll go to citizens advice tomorrow and make a solicitor appointment (in Ireland) . I had a quick Google and a smaller house here could be achievable, our house at the moment is 4 /5 bed and I'd only need a 3 bed. Thanks for all your posts, a lot to think about.

Glad you're going to see a lawyer - you need to know where you stand.

You should see a few and ask around for recommendations too. The first one I consulted said I'd have to give up my lifestyle (we weren't well off so no idea what she meant), sell the house, move DC to a cheaper area. The second said we will try to keep you and DC in house for stability and took a more rounded view of finances, how we could share the house, pensions, etc.

The first one seemed to think women were in it for all they can get whilst the second focused on the DC requirements and what was needed to support me back to FT time working and not being disadvantaged in the long term by letting my career take a back seat to ex's.

I'm currently in this position. STBX left and rented a house. He wanted the house sold 50/50, keep all his pension and his thousands in redundancy.

I saw a solicitor asap and we have had to do a financial disclosure so we can agree. Currently waiting for that to go through as it can take awhile.

My solicitor said that I have no right to stay in the house but I have a good case to for stability for the children. If STBX disagrees then it will go to court costing ££££ and a judge will decide on the best interests for the children.

I have to prove I can afford to pay for the house independently.

Have you got your benefits sorted as some mortgage lenders take those into consideration. You need to speak to your mortgage provider and find out your options.

The house will get transferred in to my name soley but a charge will be put on the property that STBX is given his share when it is eventually sold.

Do both parties have to attend a Final hearing. What happens if my ex doesn't turn up at the F.H.

Some rather dubious advice being offered here.

I would second getting some decent legal advice. There are a variety of options that will depend on your specific financial circumstances. The priority is for the welfare of the children and meeting their needs so the outcome can range from anything from selling now to agreeing/ imposing a Mesher Order (house sold and proceeds split when the youngest reaches 18).

Have a look on Wikivorce too.

Be very careful about selling if you can't afford to buy somewhere straight away - your equity will go on rent and house prices will go up over the long term.

Whilst your Ex will be able to buy and end up ok in the longer term.

I think OverOn has hit the nail on the head. He's going to be fine and knows it, and isn't all that invested in making sure you both come out equally. What you post later about your pension alswo supports this reading.

I'd say he's trying to pull a fast one. You will need to look at the pension values. Unlikely he will get 50% of the equity in family home with pensions in the pot too.

Hi OP. How are you?