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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Separated one month, still living together and he's on adultwork already

14 replies

thistoosha11pass · 18/05/2017 18:12

Just that really. History of porn and cam sites. I've been worrying and researching how to make this easy for the children, how to be fair, looking at updating their furniture in their bedrooms, all second hand stuff, and he is doing this. What a complete twat. He can't even wait until he's left ffs.
He is dragging his feet and hasn't even seen s solicitor yet, how the hell do I get him out? There is an anniversary card in the hall, so his mum clearly doesn't know. I need to play hardball, but don't know how.
Any wisdom or positive similar stories out there?

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 18/05/2017 19:44

Nice guy! Take screenshots and evidence of everything. This may be helpful later.

Original poster
thistoosha11pass · 18/05/2017 23:35

I know! At least it's made my decision as to whether to divorce him or wait! Divorce here we come...

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 19/05/2017 14:17

No advice but sympathy.
My XH took 4 months to tell his mum.
Excruciating every time I saw her.
He was forced to tell her when I moved out and I pointed out that she couldn't hear it from her grandchild.
Of course, face like she was chewing a wasp when I saw her next day - in my new home! - that she hadnt been told. Tried to turn it on me and I said straight "it was ridiculous, I hated it, I told him to tell you but he is your son so you have to see it was down to him" (and, you fucking old witch, you brought him up, so if we're casting blame here...)

He was also on AW pre and post split, whilst I was ordering "how to tell your children". I feel for you.

Highlight was probably coming home from a weekend away to discover all child shoes and a photo had been shoved in a bag "tidying up" - he had a home visit from a prostitute then Hmm

Like she cared he was cheating Hmm

Hope you get shot of him soon!

BandeauSally · 19/05/2017 14:20

Sorry to break it to you but he probably was already on it before you split.

Original poster
thistoosha11pass · 19/05/2017 18:08

Thanks for the replys, sorry to hear others have been through this. I've emailed solicitor, filing for divorce next week. I'm going to tell him tonight to move out, and he has a week to tell his mum before I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
thistoosha11pass · 19/05/2017 18:09

Ellisandra, did it work out ok in the end? Did he become a better part time parent after the split? Jane you met someone else? We're your kids ok?

Sorry, needing some reassurance Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
thistoosha11pass · 19/05/2017 18:10

Jane?? FFs have

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/05/2017 18:12

Do you rent or own your home?

Ellisandra · 19/05/2017 18:26

You poor thing Flowers

It's all grand.

I got shot of someone who cheated on me but that aside was a lazy uninvolved parent with little similar interests.

I'm now 4 years on, engaged to a man who is brilliantly involved with him own kids (he's a widower so full time) great with mine, who is a much better fit for me. And thinks the XH is crazy for preferring a prostitute!

As for the XH - came up smelling of roses, new girlfriend just moved in who does all the washing, ironing, childcare... and who knows he's cheated on her too, but puts up with it Shock but my kid likes her, so... good really. Irritates me that the lazy shit has it good.

But - my child has two happy parents and though of course she'd rather not have two homes, split parents - she likes both the steps a lot, and is happy. Split aged 5.

There's a line in Frozen, Let It Go: the fears that once contained me, can't get to me at all. It was like that. Once I'd made the scary leap, nothing difficult was impossible, and life is better for both me and my child now.

Good luck!!! Flowers

Original poster
thistoosha11pass · 19/05/2017 20:57

Ella thank you WineI needed to hear that x
Piglet me have a mortgage that I'm hopefully going to take on. Supposed to be talking tonight and he's gone out Angry

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/05/2017 21:11

Unfortunately then you can't force him out as he has as much right to be there as you until the financial services and divorce are finalised.

Flowers
Suebromley · 20/05/2017 14:28

If its a jointly owned house why would you think you can force him out!?

The divorce would have to be agreed and financial split whether you sell the home or one of you buys the other out, depending on his other finances etc

Original poster
thistoosha11pass · 20/05/2017 22:37

Suebromley because the atmosphere is terrible? Because I'm ready to agree and he's dragging his feet on purpose? Because him being here, staring at his phone 24 7 is affecting the children?

I don't want to screw him over, he just needs to go so the kids can settle down. If he can't behave like a member of the family, he shouldn't be in the family home, I'd say messaging hookers and watching sex shows in his room isn't very family centred. Sod the law, he needs to go because he is a fuckwit.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/05/2017 22:40

I don't want to screw him over, he just needs to go

Thing is he doesn't and a solicitor would certainly strongly advise him not to leave!

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