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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Advice needed: New partner wants joint custody of his kids

27 replies

Sanoie1 · 03/01/2017 21:30

Hello, I'm hoping for advice from someone with legal knowledge or preferably expertise.

My partner is in the process of divorce and has worked from home and done the main childcare for his 2 children. His wife works full time.

He left his job to start a business, but they decided to divorce before he actually started it so has downed tools and currently has no income until the financial side of things has been agreed

They have assets to be split at over a million but he has no income

Has he got a chance at 50% joint custody and what's the best thing to do now. He has a solicitor and papers have been signed. House is up for sale and they plan to go into mediation.

Many thanks

OP posts:
Gallavich · 03/01/2017 21:38

Why are you so involved in the life of a man who is in the middle of a divorce and child residence case?

TimeToChangeFor2017 · 03/01/2017 21:40

I don't think much of a man who downs tools and lets his wife support everyone. Now that they are separated, why can't he continue working?

MrsBertBibby · 03/01/2017 23:39

He sounds quite the catch.

MadameJosephine · 03/01/2017 23:49

The best thing to do now? Walk away and let him get on with it

Original poster
Sanoie1 · 04/01/2017 01:13

Wow! Judgment wasn't what I was hoping for but I expect you have nothing else to do!

OP posts:
KittenDixon · 04/01/2017 01:18

Well, given your OP is worded as if you are a good digging OW looking for free legal advice perhaps you might have expected judgement even if you didn't actually hope for it.

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler · 04/01/2017 01:23

Why has he downed tools and not started his business as planned? If it's to do with finances to start up why hasn't he looked for a new job in the mean time?

stitchglitched · 04/01/2017 01:23

Sounds like a very recent separation and you are already his 'partner?' Why don't you just stay out of it and let them work things through in mediation.

Gallavich · 04/01/2017 08:13

I'm not sure why you wouldn't expect judgement when you're behaving in a pretty crappy way tbh

Bettybecks12 · 04/01/2017 09:58

Why bother commenting when you've got nothing helpful to say?

Sanoie1, your partner will be expected to maximise his income, like wives do when they are the ones staying at home. However, if he has a legitimate reason why he can't work, it needs to be put forward. Still, a judge may not view it too favourably is one party deliberately isn't working. The same applies to women who are deliberately downing tools during divorce. Custody depends not only on logistics but whether it makes sense to shift children to a different household every other day or whatever the arrangement will be. Your partner needs a lawyer or go to the Wikivorce forum, people there are very helpful and comments such as the above aren't tolerated by the admins. Good luck.

Gooseberryfools · 04/01/2017 10:05

Why has he chosen to down tools? Is he trying orchestrate a better financial deal based on not working because that would seem deceitful. Both were working previously. He will work again.

Surely he should just get on with his old job (or similar)or start his new job.

Gooseberryfools · 04/01/2017 10:08

The thing is, he's not a SAHP despite being the main carer. He had his own income and will have his own income again very soon

mrssapphirebright · 04/01/2017 12:09

Judges will start at 50:50. he will have to prove he has a stable home and can look after the dc / do school runs etc when he has them. Unless his ex paints a good picture as to why he can't have them 50:50 then there is a good chance he will get it, or at least 60:40.

Is he holding off getting a job / going for 50:50 to reduce the liklihood of paying maintenance? I presume the fact that they are going to court means his ex is not agreeing to 50:50? if so, what is she suggesting? As a judge may go half way between what mum and dad want to be 'fair'.

PhilODox · 04/01/2017 12:13

Do you mean he's your business partner?

FilledSoda · 04/01/2017 13:25

The downing tools makes him look like a dead beat , why on earth would he do that ?
As far as advice , he has legal advice so that's that really.
Are you a romantic partner?
I'd stay well out if it if I were you , it isn't as though you are married to him . Let the couple concerned work it out.

Original poster
Sanoie1 · 04/01/2017 20:47

Thank you very much for your helpful advice

OP posts:
Original poster
Sanoie1 · 04/01/2017 20:50

Thank you very much for your helpful advice mrssaphirebright and bettybecks12 much appreciated.

I could explain the situation but actually I'm so disappointed in the immediate negative reaction from the rest of you that I won't give you the opportunity to judge further. I certainly hope nobody does the same to you, or that you trip and fall of those very high pedestals you have climbed up onto.

OP posts:
KittenDixon · 04/01/2017 21:25

Deciding to not fuck married men is not a high pedestal, more of a basic human decency.

And for someone who doesn't believe in judgement, you bandy terms like "disappoint" around a lot.

crazydoglady6867 · 04/01/2017 21:30

Oh my, I don't know what gives people the right, apart from assumed anonymity, to behave the way some of you have behaved in this thread. I sometimes lose faith in humanity.

Northernlurker · 04/01/2017 21:51

This isn't a legal forum. It's a parenting site and parents don't generally react well to ex spouses who do bugger all to support their kids but want 50/50 custody AND have acquired a new partner before their divorce is finalised. The op got the responses she deserved imo.

KittenDixon · 04/01/2017 22:01

Well Crazydog, whilst the OP might find succour from her ilk, that won't stop them from fucking "her" partner behind her back til he throws her in over in turn, probably once she's popped out a couple of kids too.

That kind of behaviour is what makes me despair of humanity, not telling someone that she's headed off down a bad road.

She'd best be thinking up the name change for when she comes back to ask for advice and support from the people with a shred of real decency. Because she will, once he has dumped her and downed tools yet again.

At best she's a sucker and she's being warned what her future holds. At worst she's a succubus.

throwingpebbles · 04/01/2017 22:36

No judge is going to be very impressed by an adult who could work and chooses not to.

Not sure why you are getting so much condemnation for being together with him before divorce has finalised. This can take years, so people are jumping to conclusions.
I met my new partner less than a year after leaving my emotionally abusive ex. I certainly don't see why we should be subject to any condemnation just because the divorce isn't finalised. StbExH broke his marriage vows long before I did, when he shouted and screamed abuse at me and controlled every aspect of my life

EnormousTiger · 05/01/2017 10:54

He should perhaps go for keeping the house and children and his wife pays him and the children maintenance particularly if the other assets are not just the equity in the house so his wife would be left with enough say £500k to buy another house.

Original poster
Sanoie1 · 09/01/2017 21:07

This is all just so mean. None of you know anything about my situation and yet some are behaving in the most vile way. I'm shocked. I won't be posting on this site again. It's vicious.

OP posts:
refusetobeasheep · 09/01/2017 21:11

Yes he is likely to get joint custody of the kids. The finances are not considered in family court so are irrelevant. But far better if they can agree out of court.