Unsure whether to stay in relationship

[mum19821985]

Hi, my husband and I have been married for 6 years. We have a 4 year old and a 4 month old. A few days ago we had the most terrible argument. In the argument he called me a "retard". I responded by calling him a number of names in return. We are under a huge amount of stress, are both sleep deprived and I am suffering from terrible mood swings/PMS. The argument ended with me telling him all I felt for him in that moment was hatred. We have since had an honest discussion about where we go from here. We have had arguments before where he has used a disrespectful name. As I call him names in return am I just as bad? I know this is not healthy. These arguments have happened roughly 3 times in 6 years.

It's clear that you have been under a lot of stress and pressure. It's then easy for some couples to forget that they are on the same team. I would definitely not get into any name-calling - what positive outcome could that possibly have?
In terms of the relationship- have you though about getting some counselling? You could get to the bottom of your problems and then decide whether it's something to work through or if you should move on.

Do you each manage to apologise afterwards? One off incidents can be repaired if you both agree to stop negative name calling in arguments.

Once you are at such an angry stage you need a way to cool down, go to another room , just to stop the escalation.

I would say with such a young baby sleep deprivation can bring out the worst.

Are you usually able to resolve conflicts? If the answer is yes then I suspect you just need to put in place strategies for fair fighting.