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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can he take my baby?

13 replies

Yasmine16 · 30/09/2016 16:45

I'm splitting up with my so called fiancé and he said he's taking my 10 week old son to his mam and dads for the weekend.

I don't want him to leave my house (my name is the only name on the tenancy) with my 10 week old son because he will no longer have a routine.

He's obviously on the birth certificate but does he have the right to take our son from my house without my consent?

I'm not a mother who will keep her child away from their father but I don't want him taking him. There is no reason why he can't look after our son here, if he wants to leave fair enough but not with my son!

I need advice!!!

OP posts:
Chansey · 30/09/2016 16:47

10 weeks! I would say no way but I'm not an expert. I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will be along soon.

Somerville · 30/09/2016 16:49

No he can't. If he tries, phone the police.

MissBattleaxe · 30/09/2016 16:51

No, he can't. Don't let him bully you.

Tunafishandlions · 30/09/2016 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBattleaxe · 30/09/2016 17:13

Also, if he visits the baby, make sure you have someone with you.

Original poster
Yasmine16 · 30/09/2016 17:23

Thank you for the advice ladies. We have just split up but he's trying to spite me by trying to take our son away from me.

He's currently upstairs acting like father of the year. I'm not saying he's not a good father but half the time he cares more about the gym and making protein shakes than what he cares about our son.

And like usual he's slagged me off to his parents to make me look like the bad one.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 30/09/2016 17:45

I think you need to try to detach from what his parents think of you, or whether you think he is playing a charade of being father of the year. No-one in their right mind would take a 10 week old baby from its mother. Are you breastfeeding?

Just be firm, don't let him take the baby, and if you think he might try to force it, then call the police. If he is moving out I would also change the locks ASAP so that you control when he has access to the baby.

I also agree with the advice to try to make sure someone else is there when he has access.

I would suggest seeing a solicitor as soon as you can to try to agree access arrangements on a more formal footing if you think he may take off with the baby.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 30/09/2016 17:49

You need to apply for a residency order ASAP. Then discuss things long term with a solicitor. .

cloudyday99 · 30/09/2016 17:50

You will need to let him take your DS out to spend time with him as he's his son too. But I would have thought a reasonable amount of time for a 10 week old to be away from him primary carer would be a couple of hours several days a week. Not a full weekend.

VikingVolva · 30/09/2016 17:56

You need proper legal advice.

Yes, of course he can see his DS, and can do pretty much what he likes with him during his times (just as you can during yours). He's not 'taking your son away' - he's seeing his son. It won't help you in mediation if you take that kind of possessive line.

And overnights need to start at some point, and there is an argument that sooner is better because DS will still be close and familiar. They'll find their own routine. You will need to find solid reasons (other than your disinclination) why it should not occur, and make concrete proposals of when it will begin and why that timing is better.

Breastfeeding precludes overnights for the first few months, but not daytime visits (express if you think your DS will benefit from avoiding combination feeding)

MagicChanges · 30/09/2016 18:10

I think you've been incorrect advice on here OP. The law states that the parents have equal rights to their child, until a court makes an Order to change that. You both have Parental Responsibility - you, obviously and your DP as his name is on the birth certficate and I presume there is no doubt that he is the father.

Having said that, taking a 10 week old away for the weekend is not really on but as you say he is trying to spite you. Do you know his parents and are they capable of properly caring for the baby. Presumably they don't have all the baby equipment that they'll need for a weekend? If you are breastfeeding then it's definitely not on. Are you able to stand up to him and say you understand the baby is his son as well but he's too young to spend the whole weekend away from you. If he dismisses this can you take yourself and the baby to your parents/relatives/friends - it isn't illegal to do this.......but it would prevent him taking the baby to his parents. I wonder if he really means this or is he just trying to scare you?

Some has mentioned a "Residence Order" - this order is no longer in use. If couples who are divorced/separated cannot agree about the care of the children, then the matter has to be dealt with by the Family Court. After investigations by social workers, the judge will make an Order for the child to have his permanent home with one of the parents, and will almost always make a contact order for the other parent and this will state the duration and frequency of contact. It is called a Child Arrangement Order. There is no legal aid available so you have to represent yourselves unless you can afford to employ a lawyer. You have to agree to attend mediation sessions provided by the court, to try to prevent a court appearance. I would honestly advise you to steer clear of the family court if at all possible, as it can be a very long and stressful business, but sometimes it's the only way forward.

Jr567673 · 29/11/2016 13:58

If it was an older child then I don't think you can stop him but at 10 weeks old no way. Are you breastfeeding? I would call the police if he tried. What a bully x

Marilynsbigsister · 01/12/2016 06:34

People really aren't giving you sensible advice ! What EXACTLY are you going to say to the police when you 'call them' as advised. ?
Help ! My child's father who has EQUAL parental responsibility to me, has gone out with our son ! Exactly what crime has he committed?

You need to get some legal basis to your objections in place. You. can apply for a prohibitive steps order asking the court to prevent him removing your son for more than a few hours if breast fed . (For example)

Be prepared that he could apply for a child arrangements order which will give him regularised contact that you must comply with. The starting point is 50:50 if he asks and is capable. You must get it into your head, going forward that this is a child with two parents and he has an absolute right to take his son to visit his parents in the EXACT same way that you do.

You do not need a solicitor for prohibitive steps order, download from hmcts , fill in, if no money complete 'fee exemption ' form.
You will have to attend mediation unless DV involved.

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