My husband has walked out on us!

[Tippytoes13]

Hi, me and my husband haven't had a happy relationship for some time, lots of problems, which have put a strain on things. He walked out on me and his three children today, threw his tools down, slammed the door, called me a few words, said he's done, threw his wedding ring on the floor and left, we have been out this afternoon, I have returned and he's packed his clothes and everything and left, not heard a word from him. What do I tell the children and how do I cope as a single mother of 3, one who's very ill with a cold and poorly teeth at the moment, so I'm not getting much sleep. I only have my father to support me, who is older and can't help me a lot, I am also a SAHM so have no financial income. What do I do? I'm in such a mess!

When this happened to me I messaged my husband to say I wouldn't say anything to the children for 4 or 5 days and if he saw them, would he do the same. That gave me a few days breathing space. I told them he was away helping his parents fix something (which did have some truth to it).

He has obviously acted in haste so if you can, don't try to engage him on the matter now because I doubt you'll get a half decent response and you need him to calm down before anything certain can happen.

Neither of you can fix this overnight. I try to take things an hour at a time when everything feels out of my control. May be a trip to your GP with your little one and you talk everything through and see if there is any medication that will help with the cold and teeth. Also your GP might be able to support you in other ways? Keep talking on here too.

I can't eat, sleep, or think straight. I have told my children, he is staying with his parents. I haven't heard from him since yesterday when he left, he's packed the majority of his things, which he did whilst we were out. I don't think he is staying with his parents, which is what I originally thought. I'm not sure where he is to be honest. I am just so worried about how I'll cope with three young children, I think I am suffering from undiagnosed post-natal depression too, which doesn't help. I am also so scared to tell my children too!

OP do everything you can to help you feel better about finances - contact job centre, local authority and get as much advice as you can re benefits.
The most important thing right now is physically looking after yourself and the kids. Go to your GP, tell them how you're feeling.
Let him get in contact first (easier said than done I know). Don't ask for him to come back. He may be struggling with your PND too - it won't be just affecting you.

You will get through it whatever the outcome is. All the hurt and pain will be a distant memory soon

Use this benefits calculator to find out where you stand when you're up to it. It may help to relieve some of the stress you're under with regards to finances.

See your GP asap and get whatever help you need (ADs and counselling are a great place to start) and take everything one hour at a time. You can do this Tippy, and I'm sorry it's so hard you you right now. Him going silent on you like this is fucking lousy behaviour, especially if he knows you're overwhelmed and struggling with three DC and PND. Your H should be having a word with himself and putting his family's wellbeing first imo.

hard for* you 🙄