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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

child visitation/transportation issue - urgent

10 replies

user1471719477 · 20/08/2016 20:25

Can some one advise me.
I have been separated from my husband for four years - he was very violent/abusive to me (on/off over 20 years), but never violent towards my daughter. (I'm talking to the extent he was taken to court for GBH against me).
He always showed so much love to her, until his new partner of now a couple of years. For their first year together he didn't see our daughter due to jealousy issues of his new partner, but now sees here about once a month.
He pays nothing in maintenance, always promises too but never pays up - but that is incidental.
There is no formal, custody/visitation plan it has always been ad hoc - although he did sign a letter when first seperated saying she was better to live with me (due to him being a chronic alcoholic at the time).

He picked her up Thursday and made it clear shes not coming home until I get her as he isnt prepared to do travel both ways - he now lives about 90 miles away.....I dont have a driving licence, I've never passed my driving test.
She has asked to come home, any advice as to what i can do?

OP posts:

chocdonutyy · 20/08/2016 20:33

Friend, family member, train, taxi?
There are many choices if she has to come home sooner rather than later.
In the future if there is to be contact then trains booked in advance cab be the best way.
Dd's dad lives a long way away and I don't have a car, I do all the travelling as he's disabled, luckily I can borrow my parents car but it can still involve Ferrys, buses, taxis or trains too!

Original poster

user1471719477 · 20/08/2016 21:00

Thanks for the reply....

Yes, in this instance as a one off I can get her home... though that isn't what I was getting at, maybe I didn't make it clear.

I don't withhold access, even though I do not receive any maintenance.. I am looking for guidance as to how to prevent him pulling this stunt each and every time she goes to visit him. Meaning my options as regards a binding parental plan - without huge lawyers fees..

OP posts:

PrincessHairyMclary · 20/08/2016 21:07

I'd imagine with your documented history of domestic violence you may get legal aid for free or at the least a first meeting with a lawyer.

I guess the answer to this is he will have to see her locally for a shorter period of time. The only way to stop him from doing it in future is to have a court agreed contact order with times set on it, then I he doesn't return her on time you can all the police ( in reality the probably won't bring her home) but you'll be able to get an emergency court hearing and he will have to bring her back.

And ofcourse he should be paying maintenance get on to the CSA or whatever they are called now even if you put any money you might receive in an account to pay for stunts like this. It was his choice to move away so his responsibility to organise transport.

Original poster

user1471719477 · 20/08/2016 21:46

Yes, thanks..... had the thought that the only long term answer is a binding agreement.

Are lawyers/court the only way, or are any of the mediation bodies worth a trial given his antagonistic approach.

I can get a template of custody/visitation plan made up from the internet (fill in the blanks) so am imagining getting it run passed a lawyer and "rubber-stamped" in court. I am not seeking to stop his visitation, merely to guarantee he brings her back safe and sound - I am not looking to get fleeced needlessly by the legal profession.

OP posts:

brastraps · 20/08/2016 22:13

princess I thought legal aid entitlement was means tested, not granted on the degree of abuse.

SharonfromEON · 20/08/2016 22:21

I think you may well need a residency order....

I would definitely look at getting legal advice even if it is one meeting..

clam · 20/08/2016 22:23

May I ask why you haven't set up a maintenance arrangement with him?

Original poster

user1471719477 · 20/08/2016 23:56

Thanks for the further input...

There have been periods of everything being amicable regards visitation and so it wasn't necessary, or didn't seem so... And at that point he only lived about 6-7 miles away.

I have always wanted her to be able to see her dad so haven't tried to put obstacles in the way... He is self employed and will hide and deny income so the hassle of going through CSA or whatver it is called now seems pointless.

This disagreement has come to a head over transportation.... As he (ex) sees it my current partner is obliged to split the transportation with him - as I cannot drive. As I see it 1). My ex was the one that chose to move out of area 2). My current partner is under no legal obligation at all, 3) As it is he does pick her up as and when he can be often works weekends and long hours and picking her up would mean he/we loses income on top of already receiving nothing from my ex financially.

OP posts:

PrincessHairyMclary · 21/08/2016 11:16

Fairly sure anything agreed upon in mediation isn't enforceable. Mediation is also not appropriate or advised when there has been a history of abuse.

As the parent who moved out of the area the court would view it as his responsibility to make travel arrangements. You would have to if you and DD had moved.

Mum4Fergus · 22/08/2016 22:08

I had to speak to a lawyer on Monday about this and other issues...she confirmed that as x is the NRP he is solely responsible for pick up/drop off and it's written in the child agreement that's been drawn up...I'm in Scotland so not sure if this applies all over...

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