Ex going on holiday with our children with his girlfriend and son

[lubyloo44]

AIBU - Today 00:48 lubyloo44

I'm new to this so wasn't sure about how to ask but here goes. I just wanted to know whether i was being unreasonable and over emotional. About my ex, with whom I still have a close friendship, Inviting his girlfriend of 6 months and son, on holiday with our 3 children and he had specifically said that he had wanted to keep things separate and would not be going on joint holidays and had been telling me of where they were probably going to go for the summer. I feel totally blindsided as he texted me saying he had talked to the children and they were fine so he was going to ask her. Is he right to just tell me - not even ask? Especially when he had said they were taking it slow and he was going to go on holiday on his own with her which i truly was very happy for him. But where the children are concerned I get this totally sick feeling in my stomach and my heart literally hurts!

I'm afraid that he's perfectly within his rights to go on holiday with her, her son and your kids and he doesn't need to ask your permission.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't feel hurt and sad and emotional about it though, particularly when he's moved the goalposts

So long as he's doing this in his time with the kids, he is absolutely within his rights to tell you rather than ask you. If you have good cause to think this is unsafe for your children in some way then you can raise concerns about this but he's been with her for 6 months so it's not like he's introduced the kids after 3 days or something.

Ask you self - if you met someone new and had been with them for 6 months, and the opportunity arose for you to take your kids on holiday with him, would you? Maybe an offer came up for accommodation that was suitable to take the kids as well and he thought it was too good an opportunity to pass up?

It's pretty shit not to talk to you first, and to present you with a fait accompli having talked to the kids, but you're going to have to suck it up. Have the kids already met?

Try not to feel threatened. She won't replace you, you know.

Oh how awful, needs of children behind needs of parent.
It sucks and I hate parents doing this.
Time for a bit of self indulgence will be needed.
Lots of good thoughts.

Thank you! It's a wierd thing to be able to get feedback so quickly but really good. It was never about rights or him asking permission - sorry should have said. He totally loves them and they will always be safe with him - I was just trying to sort my head and heart out and understand my knee jerk emotions. Classic cancerian response of bringing up the shell when maternal and personal feelings just seen insignificant - but won't help the children so I guess I will have to "suck"it up. Thank you

It's hard and I can completely understand where you are coming from. But agree he can do whatever he wishes. You need to plan something nice for whilst they are away. Keep yourself occupied. That's what I do or try to do

Yes I have been there. He is within his rights and like people have said its best to keep yourself busy - could you book a holiday with friends to go at the same time (somewhere else obviously)?

Your children will be safer with two adults to look after them.

I'd try and look at as at least they are going somewhere nice and you're not paying. Take yourselfs off somewhere lovely too