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Do finance rulings change if we were married for more than 10 years?

7 replies

Namechanger2015 · 11/09/2015 10:32


I am based in the UK, and am currently separated from my abusive H. He is stalling the divorce proceedings by not beefing responsive to emails etc, and so I have not yet sorted out the decree nisi.

He has been financially abusive and taking my earnings from me for years and will no doubt be dishonest in the financial proceedings.

It dawned on me that we have our 10-year wedding anniversary in a few months time. Is it worth me waiting for this before pursuing a divorce?

I have a barrister but don't have a solicitor representing me, so not sure who to ask about this.

If it doesn't affect things I'll get the nisi forms completed and posted out today, if it makes a difference to his contribution then I will wait it out.

We have been separated 9 months and I am living at my parents house with the children. He doesn't currently contribute financially for our 3 children at all.

OP posts:
Whoatemycheese · 11/09/2015 11:00

Are you in the UK? If so I don't think there is a specific cut off - length of the marriage is a consideration on asset split, (ie short or long marriage), but is simply a consideration along with many other factors - childrens ages if any, earnings now and potential, pensions, ages of parties involved etc. Therefore in UK I don't think it will make a difference for applying at 9 years or 10 years.

I think in the US it might be different

Namechanger2015 · 11/09/2015 11:18

Hi, thanks so much for replying.

I am in the UK. I left just before our 9 year anniversary. We have 3 children aged 8, 6 and 3.

There was physical abuse, and still is ongoing financial abuse as he won't give me access to my earnings (they are in his account).

My earnings have gone up quite a lot this year as my parents help alot with childcare, But they will go back down again when we find a place to live.

Will this be taken into consideration?

I am really worried about coping financially. I work but I don't have access to any money from when we were together, and he doesn't pay towards the children at all.

OP posts:
Whoatemycheese · 11/09/2015 11:39

YOu need to get a solicitor.

Once you start proceedings with advice from a lawyer they will get you access to money (its not his its part of the marital pot) and if necessary interim ancillary relief as well as child maintenance - but this can't be done until the process has started.

The welfare and needs of the children will be given priority at all times. THey need somewhere to live and money to support them so assuming you are and remain primary resident carer you will most likely end with minimum 50% of total marital assets, probably considerably more. Do you have an understanding of what equity there is in the house, what pensions there are etc? He also will be expected to contribute 25% of earnings to you as child maintenance (think the exact % have changed now as have the basis for calculation for child maintenance but ballpark that is about right) DO you have access to bank statements, accounts, do you know what he earns?? Have you checked what you would be due on the CMS website calculator. Put a claim in.

Speak to Womens aid and the CAB - they will help point you in the right direction

Namechanger2015 · 11/09/2015 12:08

Thanks Who.

Children will stay with me. The house has equity but he remortgaged for a business deal in his name only. (I signed this remortgage though. At his request/instigation. But the money is going to a business deal in his name only)

Our joint earnings went into an account which he will not give me access to. He will not tell me how much he earns, I suspect around 70K.

He does not have a pension, but has 5 properties, including the marital home and 2 more flats bought during our marriage. (one with me, one with his brother for rental investment). Also 2 properties from before we married. I have never had a penny from these and I don't know where all of the rental income goes.

I earn and so have access to money, but nothing from him. Children have nursery fees, swimming classes, uniforms, food, outings everything I cover.

Too scared to ask him for money and want legal back up - I have a direct access barrister and I can do the basic admin but I need advice which he doesn't really give.

OP posts:
mummytime · 11/09/2015 12:18

Have you talked to Women's aid? They can put you in touch with good legal advice who are used to dealing with men like him.

You are not fighting him for you, but for your children and their future.

What he has done is financial abuse. It is almost always worth paying for specialist help - they can do things far faster than you, and a legal letter may get him to act whereas one from you may not.

Please get specialist and good legal advice. (You can tell them you want to minimise costs as much as possible.)

Whoatemycheese · 11/09/2015 12:28

But this business will also need valuation when it comes to the settlement that is not exempt.

You will also be entitled to share of the other rental properties he holds in his name only!

Namechanger2015 · 11/09/2015 12:53

I have a barrister but worry that he is not used to dealing with men like H, and also seems to be very busy all of the time.

I can do the admin work - filling in divorce forms and doing my Form E, arranging my miam appt, which has really put me off the idea of paying a solicitor to do this for me. But I work full time and am not gaining any knowledge re divorce - not enough to be able to push this forward alone. Barrister although lovely can be quite abrupt and doesn't really explain things properly, which is fair enough as we are not yet at the court proceedings stage.

I just meeting a sol next week for a free consultation, but their fees are £315 + vat per hour. However they are family law specialists and also have in-house forensic accountants which I may well need.

I am really worried as I have relocated to be near my parents in London, and a comparable 4-bed house here is around £600-700K. I will not be able to manage without them as I work, and have school/nursery drop-offs to do. They are a massive support.

Its a lot of money to fight for that H will not want to give me. I have no idea what he is worth either. But he works full time with no need to consider childcare, pickups, etc and keeps it all. He lives in our family house with lots of space. We live at my mums - me, 3 DDs in one bedroom.

Last night I slept with 5yo DD in my single bed for most of the night, and then 3yo climbed on top at around 5am. So it's no way to live. But I want it done quickly now so we can move out and get on with our lives. I want someone aggressive to push things along now.

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