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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Is this a weird Xmas situation?

34 replies

Discomama · 18/12/2013 21:49

DH and I separated since April both have new partners...I have kids over Xmas but he wants to come round and watch DCs open presents at my house for an hour on Xmas morning from me and DP....DP not happy about this, but I don't mind, happy for DH and his GF to come DH and I both want amicable friendly terms and to keep DCs as our priority but is this a step too far? I've got them lots of little presents and DH has got them one big one which needs to be set up so they can't play with it straight away so wants to see them enjoying my presents...DP thinks he wants to steal our glory....DP had VERY bitter divorce 15 years ago....maybe I should post in relationships...?

OP posts:

Casmama · 20/12/2013 00:01

This screams rebound to me.
Agree with others that it is very early for your "DP" to have a say. If he is controlling now when he is really only a boyfriend how bad would he be if you moved in together and he was actually your partner?

Seems like you might benefit from some time on your own to give your self esteem a bit of time to recover. This should be your decision not your boyfriend's or your ex's.

AnnaFender · 20/12/2013 00:05

I really don't mean to sound overly critical here, but how old are these new relationships? I have been separated from my H for just over a year, and in a new relationship since May, he hasn't even met my DC yet! Ex DH and I are on pretty good terms, and he is actually staying over Christmas Eve to see kids Christmas morning. New guy is fine with this. I think your children's father takes precedence over what must be a very new relationship. Surprised you are referring to him as your 'partner' after only a couple of months!

Selks · 20/12/2013 00:06

There is no reason why you shouldn't be amicable with your ex and parent together sometimes should you both see fit, and that includes shared time on Christmas Day or any other time.
If your DP has an issue with that then it is his issue.
It is concerning that already nine months into the relationship he is being controlling though OP....really concerning. That kind of behaviour only gets worse. Do not tolerate it....bollocks to 'keeping the peace'. That is how he will gain control and his behaviour escalate, if you just want to ' keep the peace' with him, that means giving in.

SolidGoldBrass · 20/12/2013 00:11

If your new DP is controlling, the best Xmas present you could give your DC would be to bin him and move on. It's fine to be single, you know.
And when you have an Xp who is your co-parent, any new partners are basically bottom of the food chain anyway - DC come first.

lilyaldrin · 20/12/2013 00:12

I don't think your controlling new boyfriend should get a say in how your children spend Christmas.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 20/12/2013 00:18

I'd be telling Mr Controlling to stay 2 hours away - permanently.

You have rushed into a new relationship post separation (as many of us do/did, no judgement there from me, would be seriously hypocritical - the only thing in my favour was that I didn't have children). Really, they can be the worst relationships out there. Open your eyes - he's trying to control you already, why are you bothering with him?

You are worth more than that you know.

singaporefling · 20/12/2013 00:23

My ex/wife & baby always join me/dh dc's at major/family events - but our divorce was amicable/dc's come first - as a result they're totally at ease with our extended family. And my dh would never even think of excluding them anyway

SolidGoldBrass · 20/12/2013 10:51

My son and I will be spending Xmas day at his father's parents house, even though DS dad and I are not a couple. If I were to start seeing another man regularly, he would be very much in the background and certainly wouldn't have any say in how I spend Xmas.

absentmindeddooooodles · 20/12/2013 11:42

Ds dad ans I have been split up about a year and a half. I now live with dp.

Ds dad is getting here at 7am christmas morning to come and open presents with us. This will make ds really happy.

We are not all cosy etc but have a good friendly relationship for the sake of our ds.

I dont think theres anything wrong with you wanting to do that. We try to have a little time just ds and his parents now and again. Depends how you want to play it

My dp is good with it fortunatley. Ds dad is v friendly and lovely ( and a bit of a tit sometimes) so it works for now.

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