how do you tell the kids their dad does not want to see them?

[minkembernard]

My EA ex bf father odd my dcs has gone from seeing them for a few hours a week to not at all.
He has been nc for over 3 weeks. he may come back in a few months. he may not.
Tbh i am happy for him to see the dcs if he treats them properly. not so keen if he is using not seeing them as a way to punish me. which he is.

But how do you tell the dcs on those occassions when they ask, why they have not seen or heard from him for weeks?

I cannot think if a way that makes it clear they are not being rejected.

How old are your DC? Would you be happy simply telling them their Dad is very busy, or will they keep questioning?

They are 5.

I am not sure how long they would believe that for. One of them suggested that as a reason the other week. but if he turns our to be very busy for years surely they will start to wonder what is so much more important than they are?

every reason I think of in some way will damage their self esteem.

It is hard as you don't want to be excusing his behaviour. If they grow up and are busy, is that an excuse for them not to contact you or their sibling or their own children?

Try and make it about the father's lack of worth and not them. E.g. I think you are wonderful and so does granny, your teacher etc etc. I love spending time with you. But some people find it hard to think about others and that is what you need to do to be a mummy or daddy (or some vague approximation of what the problem is, if drink/drugs, he's not well right now and needs to get better). I don't know when we are going to hear from Daddy again.

It is a really sad situation but I think if they have one parent who is unreliable they need to really be able to trust the other one.

turnip that is brilliant and really, really helps as I have been wracking my brains for a way to make them see it has nothing to do with their worth and a lot more to do with him without saying he is a useless twunt. which I know they will realise eventually but in the meantime.
thank you.