Desperate SAHM seeking advise about divorce

[bbface]

I won't bore you with the details, but it has become intolerable being with my husband.

We have a DS, 16 months. I am a SAHM. He earns a very good salary. I was on a good salary and I was about to be promoted when I took maternity leave and then did not return.

What are my rights? What would I be entitled to? Pls help. No support network.

Thank you
x

Posting to support. Do go and see a lawyer - you get 30 mins free. Mine totally recommended (in fact insisted on) mediation.

What I would say tho is - my DS is now 6 - I didn't realise how depressed I was (I am sure I had PND, I have also been through an early menopause which is only now being diagnosed). STBEH couldn't cope with all of the emotional fall out so had an affair. You haven't talked about what is intolerable and obviously you dont have to but you are both only just into parenthood. It is lifechanging with more consequences than perhaps any of us realise.

If I could change some of the last few years I would. I am currently going through divorce from an unhappy marriage post DS.

Don't assume the solicitor offers any free part of an appointment. Some offer the whole appointment free, some (like me) the first half hour, and others offer nothing free. It annoys me when people assume that it must be free because they've heard that one solicitor offers it. If Tesco have a special offer on sliced bread, you can't be sure that Asda will offer it too.

I am in the throes of a very acrimonious separation at the moment so may be able to help. I have a one year old DD and separated at end of July. I am also a SAHM as gave up work towards end of pregnancy (was doing contractual work and it naturally came to and end). I was earning good money but we said we would try to work it so that I could stay at home until DD was at nursery aged 2 or 3.
Won't go in to my details either but we have been coming and going for the last 5 months now with lots of arguing and screaming and reconciliation and threats etc. It has nearly wiped me out.
I found a solicitor specialising in marital law and spoke to them about legal aid. If you are recieving income support then you get legal aid. If you have not applied for income support do it now. You will be required to fill in loads of info and go to the job centre for an indepth interview but then won't be required to go back for about 6 months if you have a small child. You won't get legal aid unless you are claiming income support and they have to have proof. Yes some solicitors will give you a free meeting but these can be a long way off so be prepared to have to wait.

You will also be entitled to child tax credit. Call up the DWP and speak to someone about income support and child tax credits. I am currently moving out of my home (co-owned with heavy mortgage) into a small rented cottage and will be claiming housing benefit and council tax benefit.
This is all new to me to and I NEVER thought I would be doing this, let alone when my DD was so young. My husband has acted like a first class ba**d and thinks he has done no wrong and even though he set up a regular amount to pay to me for maintenance, he has never paid it on time and I always have had to beg for it. This is why I have now got the CSA involved so that they can chase him instead of me doing it. I will get less from him because in his words 'he was overpaying before', but at least I will not have to beg or worry about when I recieve it. I tell him that giving us the bare minimum is really awful and shows what he thinks of his daughter, let alone me, but he says is giving me loads and that I should learn to budget and just take take take. So as you can see he is not hugely understanding or considerate.

You could make and appointment with the Citizens Advice as well. I did that before I did anything else and they helped me with what I might be entitled to so I had some sense of direction and didn't feel so lost.

It's bloody stressful and diffictult, particuarly if you have always earnt your own money and suddently your husband has put you in this position. Money really is power and I refuse to be beholden any more. It seems like a mountain of paperwork and bureaucracy but you will get through it. The day I had to go to the Job Centre and discuss my circumstances was one of the worst of my life and I was humiliated and in tears, but that bit is done now and I am recieving some money regularly so I do not have to cry myself to sleep wondering how I am going to care for my baby.

CSA are still setting up maintenance though because husband is being uncooperative. We'll get there in the end. Let me know if you need to know anything else. xx

Income support is merely one of the passported benefits for legal aid. There are others but you can still get it if you work and your income is low. Speak to a solicitor about eligibility. There is an online calculator, but it's a bit of a blunt tool so easy to get it wrong.

My solicitor added it up for me on the free half hour & i was working & got it BUT be careful that you don't sign up to amy solicitor untill you are 100% certain.