Splitting up civil partnership - how to decide who sees DCs when

[hotelindia]

My partner and I are splitting up our civil partnership, we have two DCs below the age of 2. She is the major "breadwinner" so to speak so I am the primary carer of DCs, although I do work part-time. She would like to see DCs just as much as I would but I am worried that at such a young age, could making them live out of two homes in the week be disruptive/disturbing for them? Should they be with me most of the time? How did others come to an agreement when DCs are at such a young age? I am thinking purely of their welfare but I suspect she would probably see these concerns as trying to take them away from her.

I've read some stuff Tanya Byron wrote about shared care. She thinks that it's not suitable until about the age of 7, as kids struggle to be secure if they don't know where is 'home'. I finally split with ex-H in Feb, DC are 6,4 and 2. 2 year old has faired best with seeing him irregularly. 6 year old doesnt want to stay over at daddy's but happily goes out for days.

My conclusion is that children need to know where they're going to be, who with and when. So, between you (with a mediator if necessary) you need to arrange regular contact with your ex, but with it being clear that they will live with you, as you're their main carer. When we initially split last summer, ex would visit kids at my house. That wasn't great as they werent sure who was in charge, if that makes sense. The most important thing is for your DC to know what's going to happen when.

That's very helpful, thanks jugglingmug. [hsmile]

jugglingmug, can you tell me the Tanya Byron publication please? I'd be very interested to read it. Cheers. [hsmile]