Coping with a partner in a nursing home and being alone

[mbonfield]

Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you cope/

Lovely wife of 30 plus years had a number of falls over the the last 2 years. Had 2 very bad ones last month, the last one meant being in hospital for over 4weeks. Now bed bound as it was not possible to get her to sit on a chair or out of a bed without the use of a hoist. Has dementia getting worse, multiple organ failure.

In a lovely nursing five minutes away, the only practical option in our circumstances.

How did you cope and what did you do to make your home life now as you are on your own?

Somebody upthread suggested using local authority sports facilities which you might find helpful.

I can second that suggestion and the monthly fee is v modest. There are usually daytime group classes for really really low impact exercises (mostly attended by old bogeys like me) and (my favourite) is a swim and sauna which is v relaxing for tension and aches. There are usually quite short group guided walks too, partly for mobility but partly to provide company.

The exercise classes give me quite a boost and its nice to see familiar faces each time. The weekly routine is a godsend in the winter.

Your wife’s decline must be quite scary and difficult to cope with after so many years together. It is such a cruel disease.

PS My balance is much improved since I started going.

PPS The exercise might help with sleep.

Please remember to ask the care home if she is drinking enough. The elderly are very prone prone to urinary tract infections which can cause them to be delirious.

Watching Then deteriorate like this can be brutal so you do have my sympathy.

If she’s choking in food, has she had an assessment by SaLT? It sounds as though she may need purée food and thickened liquids to reduce her risk of pneumonia?

Wanted to add that if she’s choking has delirium and is distressed then the GP associated with the hike can make a referral to the psychiatry service for older people. I can’t quite remember what the service is called but they should know as it’s quite a common referral for patients with dementia who are distressed