Living with someone with Alzheimer's

[Blossombee]

Hi all. We are considering getting a house with an annexe so MIL can still live with us but also having her/our space. The problem is she does not like being on her own but keeps saying she would be fine in one. This is hard to believe as she told us previously that she believes family should all sit together in one room at all times even when our or her friends come to visit or other moms with babies come to visit me! She's 87. We don't know where we stand with her. Has anyone ever experienced this kind of scenario of a family member with Alzheimer's living in an annexe? How did this effect your (young) family etc did it work out or did she/he have to go into a home in the end?

Alzheimer's can be hideous. Really look into the caring requirements as the disease progresses before you get into this - the annexe won't be enough if it progresses fast (i.e. A secure facility and/or soneonecwatching her all the time will be needed, personal care... my grandmother got violent towards my grandfather).

We were hoping to arrange a morning and evening carer. She goes to a day centre for the day so would only be alone for a couple of hours afterwards. We are currently able to leave her on her own for 30-60 minutes when we go for a dog walk etc and she watches the TV for the whole time or at least seems to as she still sits where she was sitting when we are back. However we don't trust her going into he kitchen so we make sure there is no access while we are out. What we are stressing about it the night. She sleeps through thre night at the moment and only ever wandered round house once before. If she was to be in an annexe - would the carer need to come and check on her every few hours? We think this could frighten her in the middle of the night if someone was to walk into her room. This has happened before when our cat went into the room she was petrified as couldn't see who was walking around.

I'm really not an expert, but have watched two grandparents with this. Where is she living at the moment?

With us. She was in a respite for a few months and we saw her deteriorate so we got her out of there with the help of a rehabilitation hospital for her to be able to come back to live on her own again but she didn't want to live on her own so she came to live with us. She kept saying an annexe would be different knowing we are only on the othee side of the wall but if allowed would prefer to sleep with us on the same floor. She's been attending a day care since and had improved so much but is now proving to be challenging for us as we also have a baby and we could do with a help from a carer.

My fil as had it for 5 years,
At the present moment his wife is looking for long term care home!

It becomes that you can't leave them at all, she as at present career coming morning and evening to get him out of bed, cleaned washed etc then again evening.
She as sitters third and fri afternoon and he goes to the home on a sat all day till 4

She has to do everything
, he is basically a baby again, puts cup in his head, tells him to eat. He's incontinant, just sits there says the odd word but no conversation.
Mostly asleep, probably because of medication, because it's hard to get exactly right too low he as Tia's so balance is to be found.

If you have a young family I'd imagine this would be very stressful.