I think my Gran might have dementia. Parents gone away for a week and I'm looking after her. I need some advice.

[pinkrocker]

My Gran is 90 and lives with my parents. I have a loving relationship with her and I'd do anything for her.
My parents have just gone away for a week, I've moved in with my kids to look after her. My parents look after her 24/7 and totally need a break, I don't mind at all!
She won't get out of bed today, she won't wash herself or brush her hair and won't eat a thing and says her back is too bad to get out of bed (although I think she'd managed to go to the toilet in the night)

I said shall I call the doctor? and she got really cross with me and said that she was fine lying on her back looking out of the window. I keep sitting on her bed and chatting about stuff and making her cuppas and getting her inhalers and paracetamol etc, and I keep asking her to eat something but she just won't!
I think she might have accidentally wet in the bed as there's a bit of an ammonia smell in her room and a stain on the sheet, but it could be an old stain IYSWIM? I'm not sure.
I just need to get her out of bed to check, but I feel mean saying why I want her out of bed, I can't just ask if she's had an accident?
I am so sad. My Gran was vivacious, active, fashionable and charming and now she's like a little old lady.
I posted this in dementia as the district nurse (who came when she had a bad fall) said it was a possibility that she had it, but parents won't do anything about it.

Well gran if you are staying in bed all day that's fine but lets get you washed - hands face and under carriage as usual, and into a fresh nightie and new sheets, that'll be nice wont it.... Then we can have a cuppa and some music or something. i quite fancy that don't you?

Whilst jollying about with some nice scented bubbles in the sink etc

At 90 she is likely to have an element of dementia. Work with her and round her rather than confronting her it's so much easier.

Leaving her in a wet bed isn't really an option as she'll get sore.

If she really wont get up, ply here with tea , and squash and ooh milk shake, that'll be nice ( or what ever) till she's forced to go for a wee again!

Good luck :)

Do you think she might be embarrassed about wetting the bed. I think if you can just get her to the bathroom for a quick wash, you might be able to check and do a quick bed change.

I would not worry about not eating, but I would try to get lots of fluid into her. My mum would often just have a bowl of custard, and some milky drinks.

Call the GP. She may have a UTI or other infection that is causing her to act out of character. Your Gran may have dementia but it sounds like she is able to effectively express her wishes and may be unwilling to participate in any medical assessment of her cognition. This is not uncommon. I am not sure what the DN expects your parents to do about it and why.