Thanks to everyone who helped and advised on my previous posts re my MIL. We have now got her into a lovely care home near us and she is settling in well. She's made some friends, is doing activities like singing and bingo (!), enjoys it there, can sit outside in the garden, and is clean and looked after for the first time in tears, wearing clean clothes. The staff are really nice too. It's lovely.
After the first couple of days, she hasn't asked about if she can go home. We can go and see her twice a week and so it;'s much better. She enjoys seeing us. It's all gone much better than we could have hoped.
One question, though: the staff said the other day that MIL is having some faecal incontinence - is this likely to be another symptom of dementia or a reaction to a change in diet, more biscuits etc at the care home?? This is new.