So skint I'm scared

[Skintandscared24]

Just that really. I'm £600 overdrawn, I have 2 weeks worth of food shopping for a family of 4 to get, plus a £200 payment for my gas and electric for the month so will be about £1100 overdrawn by the time my next wages and child benefit come in. Which will take me to only £300 in the black. And so the cycle will continue.

I've turned the heating off so it doesn't click on and off like previous years, am working an hour each way to work to save on the bus fair. I've cancelled our pet insurance and hope to hell our 17 year old car doesn't get sick. I've even put off getting new glasses as I cannot afford them despite raging headaches.

Can't ask husband for money, he was made redundant recently. Whilst he got an ok payment he needs to pay essentials only such as mortgage, council tax, water, life insurance his phone and then keep the rest to tide him over until he's back in work.

I'm feeling sick with worry. I don't know what to do. Work can't offer me any more hours. I'm looking at evening and weekend work to supplement my income but not getting anywhere at the moment.

Just having a moan really and offloading as an anon post to people who hopefully understand

Wtf is wrong with your husband????

Tell him.

If you end up financially screwed it impacts the whole family.

This is a family problem not just a you problem and you all need to work together to solve it.

You need to tell him the full truth about the over draft, stop protecting him at your expense. He needs to know how bad things are so he'll get off his arse and either find some other work to tied you over or get some temporary work in what he's qualified for. Time to wait for the right job is a luxury and it's not something you can afford right now.

This makes 0 sense. Your worried about food buy he's cherry picking a Job. He can do both he can work something temp to bring some money in if the situation is that dire and job search in evenings it's not hard is it its all online!
You need to sit down and have a full and frank conversation with him on how your struggling. He has redundancy money to tide him over but there's no food on the table potentiallybif your running that low. Read what you've written again and make it make sense because it bonkers OP!

Just to add. You sound quite immature re getting his mum involved when you haven't had a proper conversation yourself with him. There will be other issues in the marriage I'm guessing if he is like this to the extent you need to get mum involved at first sign of trouble. Make a plan OP.

This. Anyone who can walk upright can get a job starting tomorrow in any of the warehouses near me.

He should take any job he can while still applying for his ideal role. He could be waiting a couple of years!
A temp role could lead to opportunities and no role for a long time does not look good on a cv.

But not guilty enough to find another job, even if it isn't his dream job or one he feels is at his level. He should absolutely be paying towards more stuff, it's abbhorent you have all of this stress and he isn't applying for each and every job.

When i read your OP, it read like you were a single parent. Then at the 3rd paragraph, 'can't ask husband for money,...'. Like what???!
Why are you shouldering this worry alone????

Then read your next paragraph where your husband

• is sitting on money, using this money for 'his' responsibilities,
• waiting for a job he is qualified in instead of quickly grabbing any job to start earning

and thrn i realised why. I am sorry, your marriage does not sound like a partnership. You need to change that.

There are no 'your' responsibilities and 'his' responsibilities. They are both of your responsibilities which yes, may have been shared out but they were shared out as a team.

When i started reading your 3rd paragraph, i started feeling so stressed on your behalf.

Something's gotta give and it is him.

He doesn’t feel that guilty. If he did, he’d take ANYTHING until something he wants comes up. My DH has been in this situation twice in the last year, both times he’s worked his fucking ass off applying for everything and anything. He thankfully already has a second job so he’s been working ridiculous hours there to help.

Tell him to sort his shit out, he’s letting you down.

Op I have a decent wage, am £3k overdrawn and have credit cards. A lot of people are in similar situations. The cycle will continue but don’t worry you’ll get a break soon enough.

You don't want an argument but maybe you need one. There are children involved in this situation (either his children or his stepchildren, doesn't matter) so he doesn't get to behave like this. Knowing that there are children in his care who are at risk of not having enough food to eat and he is refusing to do what it takes to earn the money to feed them is so very shameful. You should get anyone and everyone involved who would be willing to pile that shame on.

Exactly this.

If I hadn't taken a temp job doing data input (way below my previous pay grade) when I was let go because of a loss of contracts, I wouldn't be in the role I am now. I accidentally landed in a place in the middle of being taken over by a huge firm, and knowing the systems from the bottom up as well as previous analyst experience has meant I am now one of their most senior analysts. Trying to get a foot in the door of the company I work in now would have been a pipe dream otherwise.

Temp positions lead to things and he's got tunnel vision if he can't see that.

You have money and husband problems. He choses not to spend his money whilst you’re stressed and poor
He need to financially contribute by using the redundancy money to support his family, this really should be a given
He need to take a job including one he’d not necessarily make his first choice until this financial crisis resolves
I first read your op thinking you were solo parent until you elaborated about Mr DoesFuckAll. Come on speak up get him told. He’s an abhorrent indulgent man watching you stress and struggle whilst he consider his job opportunities from a position of solvency

@Skintandscared24

1. how long ago was he made redundant?
2. in your opinion, has he been putting in enough effort to find a job? Or is he sitting around enjoying the time off?
3. did he tell you how much redundancy money he got?
4. has he been spending it on things for himself?
5. do you know how much he has left? (Don’t tell us the amount)
6. do you know if he has savings as well as the redundancy money?
7. has he noticed that you’ve put of the house much longer because you’re walking to work?
8. what household bills has he stopped paying since being made redundant? How much extra a month have you had to pay in this time?

An eye test is £25. Look on MSE for codes for cheap glasses, usually 2 pairs for around £15 from Glasses Direct. I’m sure he can add to give you £40.

I’d love to know how you think she’s going to force a grown man who thinks he’s worth £500 a day to go and shift boxes for minimum wage.

Well it depends if you experience, getting a job with no previous experience in the field ( even for minimum wage) is impossible

”… keep the rest to tide him over until he's back in work.”

What does he need to spend his money on (after essential bills) if he’s not working? Food, heating etc are priorities.

Can you give him a deadline? If he doesn’t have any jobs ( or interviews) by end of Sept, then he accepts any job? The longer you’re out if work, the harder it is to get a new one. Also, one of those temporary jobs could lead to something bigger. A foot in the door and all that.

If he can do this, then this is what he should be doing!
It's not a case of what he (selfishly) wants, it's a case of what is necessary to support his family. He doesn't have the luxury of being able to sit on his arse waiting for the "right job" to come along.

She walks an hour each way to her JOB.

Just wanted to say I’m thinking of you and your predicament- I hope it all works out OP.

This is the issue here. He needs to take a temporary job. He could sign up to a temping agency.

Also, citizens advice are very good at helping people look through their finances and make sure you are optimising - they know of all the benefits and don’t judge and don’t report to the benefits agency. It’s all confidential.

Good luck.

Sounds like you need to get a joint account, pool everything and stop thinking in terms of "I pay for X and he pays for Y". You both pay for it all - you're married. Then sit down with him once a week, look at the account and look at the bills and discuss what's getting paid and what can't be. Mortgage gets paid at all costs, and then it's up for discussion. Perhaps this will help him to see that you (that's the joint "you") just don't have the money to pay everything and motivate him to get back into work, even if it's just something temporary. Don't take a second job if he doesn't get a first one.

@Skintandscared24

What does he have as far as qualifications are concerned, OP?

Another poster in that field might be able to advise.