So skint I'm scared

[Skintandscared24]

Just that really. I'm £600 overdrawn, I have 2 weeks worth of food shopping for a family of 4 to get, plus a £200 payment for my gas and electric for the month so will be about £1100 overdrawn by the time my next wages and child benefit come in. Which will take me to only £300 in the black. And so the cycle will continue.

I've turned the heating off so it doesn't click on and off like previous years, am working an hour each way to work to save on the bus fair. I've cancelled our pet insurance and hope to hell our 17 year old car doesn't get sick. I've even put off getting new glasses as I cannot afford them despite raging headaches.

Can't ask husband for money, he was made redundant recently. Whilst he got an ok payment he needs to pay essentials only such as mortgage, council tax, water, life insurance his phone and then keep the rest to tide him over until he's back in work.

I'm feeling sick with worry. I don't know what to do. Work can't offer me any more hours. I'm looking at evening and weekend work to supplement my income but not getting anywhere at the moment.

Just having a moan really and offloading as an anon post to people who hopefully understand

The more I read threads like this on here, the more I’m convinced that should me and my partner separate or for whatever reason are no longer together, I’m either staying single or happily becoming lesbian. “DH” seems to stand for “DickHead” more often than not.

This is ridiculous. How on earth would finding work so you can support your family impact your employability? No rational employer would think like that. Of course he should take the temporary job and keep looking.
IMO you need to start speaking up. This is unacceptable. Why should you have to shoulder this load alone? Please go home and tell your selfish, feckless husband to shape up and contribute. Firstly, with his redundancy money. You don’t have to be a passenger in your life.

Tough. He needs to get a job - any job - and spend his spare hours applying for jobs he is qualified for.

This is a very weird marriage where one person gets to pick and choose how they’ll work, and the other one is worried sick and can’t afford new glasses.

And, just to add:

In my circle of friends I’m absolutely certain that should any of us women face something like this, we would do whatever we had to to ensure we kept our heads above water, but I’m also sure that a majority of the men would be like the ops “dh” and feel like they had the luxury of waiting for exactly what they want to suit them. Why is that 🤔 some unwritten rule/expectation that the women do what’s necessary and the men do what they want.

Almost 2 months?

That's too long to navel gaze when it's affecting others.

When I was made redundant I popped into the job centre (shows how long ago it was!) on the way home!

My DH had a similar attitude from to time when redundant. The only way I would tolerate it was when he got down to some serious home improvements, diy, decorating, volunteering, etc for several hours each day while looking for work. Not taking over the tasks that I managed to complete without expecting some kind of fucking medal.

That’s really mean, her posts don’t come across like that at all.

Your husband is a disgrace and you are a martyr.

This isn't a marriage - he has no respect for you.

Clearly doesn’t feel that guilty does he? Or he’d be willing to do what he can to share the burden. Getting any job, even part time so he can fit interviews around it, would be better than nothing.

What does "tide him over" mean? Shouldn't all your income be pooled at this point in time if you're at a stage of struggling to buy food and pay bills?

Are your children on free school meals? If not, make that application and at least you'll know they have a warm cooked dinner at lunch and you can do a lighter evening meal which is cheaper - like baked potatoes, omelettes, beans on toast etc.

Talk with Citizens Advice Bureau, they can help and will signpost you to other support locally.

Talk with your children's school. Our school is very community focused and we live in an area where a lot of people struggle financially. If they're not aware that your situation has changed they might not know that you need help and support. We have a pay as you feel food shop, laundrette, uniform shop and cafe which people can use for free if they need. It eases the pressures on our local food bank and is also open to absolutely everyone so no one knows how much anyone is paying into it. I don't know what's local to you but school can be a good place to start.

Do your friends and family know your current situation? When we were have trouble it really helped that people knew. There were kindnesses along the way but also practical help.

Our energy bills jumping from under £200 to over £600 a month and our mortgage increasing massively too was what did us in. Family helped us find a better energy deal.

Everyone's skint is different so be clear with friends about what you mean. I had a friend who always said they didn't have much but she never went into her overdraft at a time I was always scraping the bottom of the overdraft - she had a buffer, we did not. There was then an incident where her husband did something silly which surprised me as it must have cost thousands. I was confused how he'd afforded it and she said he'd used their savings. Savings! Her version of broke was also having savings. My broke was no savings. Again no buffer. So I know it's hard but be honest about it with the people you know in real life.

I got the guts to be open about saying "we can't afford that" e.g. at my child's sport club a visit to an international game was planned and everyone else was going with parents, siblings etc. The coach messaged to say I'd not booked yet and he was ordering that day so I said "we can't afford it so we'll watch it on TV" and he said he'd pay for my son's ticket from club funds and take him in with their family. I had the tenner for my kid (which I gave), I just didn't have the hundreds needed to take the whole family, Being honest meant he didn't miss out and the coach would offer more affordable options for opportunities going forward.

I hope that you get some help and that your husband finds a job soon.

Sorry after your initial post I thought you were a single parent. So you have a partner with savings but you have to go overdrawn to feed everyone and him? He can make £500 a day with a temp job but he’s enjoying his paid vacation? I really really don’t understand why it’s not joint money. My DH got made redundant and whilst applying for similar jobs was looking at stacking shelves overnight at a supermarket, anything he could start immediately for minimum wage just to bring something in. WTAF are you looking at second jobs??

He’s being ridiculous. Temp jobs are fine as others have said, they can be a great way to make new contacts and supplement experience, show willing etc. You also have the benefit of being able to be pretty open about your permanent job search as well and it looks far better to prospective employers.

Not to mention £500 a day would help your family out immensely! He’d maybe even be able to do part time if he could get that sort out day rate which gives him time to apply for perm positions.

In fact he would be in a great position so I am very confused as to why he is so resistant. Is he also so very clueless about you and your finances not to notice the strain you are under? He’s not noticed you walking to save bus fare etc or the difficulties with buying food?

It doesn’t add up, if he’s not seeing and not willing it’s because he doesn’t want to.

Once you get out of this mess. Build up an emergency fund of at least £50 per month in a high interest account, I've been doing this by Standing order for years and was shocked by how much have saved!

In terms of £200 glasses - you don't get to pick these, you get to pick the cheap ones.

I know you said you need varifocals and that you have thinned lenses to fit the frames - but these are choices you are making

You said your work pays for eye test - they will also pay for the cheapest VDU/close work glasses - pick the cheapest smallest frames and live with the thick lenses.

You have to live to your means - which means you pick the frames you can afford and are small enough not to require lens thinning - or live with thick lenses .

But mostly, you have a DH problem - fix that first and you won't need to do the above.

It sounds like he needs to while you get back on your feet. Doesn't mean he can't keep job hunting in the mean time.

You need to sit down and share everything with him, these are household finances. Don't let yourself drown in silence.

This is what happens when companies aren’t paying in line with inflation! My pay has gone up 5% in 3 years everything else has gone up what 10% on average? I keep going into my OD not understanding why as I’ve adjusted my lifestyle so much but apparently need to live like a nun to break even.

OP I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I know this is just pennies and won’t help with the OD but do you have any bits and bobs you could sell on vinted/ eBay/Facebook for a bit of spending money?

If you don’t work full time and have capacity for more work would parcel delivery suit you?

What a horrible thing to say.

Sounds like it’s time for somebody to put their pride to one side, put on their big boy pants, and do some consulting work in order to provide for their children. IMO, an employee is more attractive if they do consulting between jobs (to keep their hand in), rather than sitting at home on their bum doing nothing.

You're supposed to be a team. That means sharing the truth of the situation you're in as a family!
Show him your account. Tell him the truth of the financial situation.

I agree having any job is better for employment.

This is 100% how I feel too and have said as much, so many useless men out there.

This is ridiculous, he sounds like he doesn't fairly contribute when he works, my guess is even not working you probably still do more than him with the house and parenting, and he refuses to take any job when you could struggle instead and you are getting in debt while he has several months good salary in the bank. Sounds like yet another winner! Oh and he won't listen unless mummy gets involved, I mean honestly, what are the positives here?

What a nasty comment.

Ignore this OP, your posts don't come across like this at all

Same. I walked out after my last day, and took the bus into town to register with a temp agency.

This is bonkers! How can you be married, share mortgage and children and your 'D'H not tell you how much redundancy money he's got? And you haven't told him that you're walking an hour each way to work? This is not a relationship OP. Yes you have financial problems but the main problem here is your husband.

This is insane, what's the point of being married if you don't share the financial load etc with your partner?