So skint I'm scared

[Skintandscared24]

Just that really. I'm £600 overdrawn, I have 2 weeks worth of food shopping for a family of 4 to get, plus a £200 payment for my gas and electric for the month so will be about £1100 overdrawn by the time my next wages and child benefit come in. Which will take me to only £300 in the black. And so the cycle will continue.

I've turned the heating off so it doesn't click on and off like previous years, am working an hour each way to work to save on the bus fair. I've cancelled our pet insurance and hope to hell our 17 year old car doesn't get sick. I've even put off getting new glasses as I cannot afford them despite raging headaches.

Can't ask husband for money, he was made redundant recently. Whilst he got an ok payment he needs to pay essentials only such as mortgage, council tax, water, life insurance his phone and then keep the rest to tide him over until he's back in work.

I'm feeling sick with worry. I don't know what to do. Work can't offer me any more hours. I'm looking at evening and weekend work to supplement my income but not getting anywhere at the moment.

Just having a moan really and offloading as an anon post to people who hopefully understand

Do you not think shes doing enough as it is and it would be so much easier for the DH to get off his arse and pull his weight, rather then she work herself into the ground taking on extra work?

I would cut other things before pet insurance for a 17 year old cat. Our14 year old cat was ill recently and vet bills have gone sky high. If he had not been insured it would have cost us £6,800 . He became very ill very quickly and was in an animal hospital for 5 days with a series of tests. He has recovered - but at one point he collapsed while I was there and I was there for 6 hours he was so unstable- on oxygen, unstable blood pressure and breathing. They said they thought I should stay because he was 'critically ill' and they did not know what it was.
Faced with the tests and the costs, you would have an awful decision to make. As it is he has fully recovered and is back to his normal healthy self and it is not a chronic condition. I would have paid if we did not have insurance (still cost us over £1300 because of excess and age). However, I dread to think the awful decisions people must be faced with and the pets that must be being euthanised because owners can not pay. Your husband needs any job at the moment- he can't afford to be choosey.

This is absolutely rediclious and I think you need to sit down and put it in black and white he either gets a job and contributes or I'd be leaving. How can he sit there and want to keep money when he knows you're struggling (maybe not the full extent but he still knows)

The guy eats the food, uses the gas and electricity, uses the water he needs to be contributing too!!

I don't get this yours and mine, me and my partner have a joint account, once everything is paid and kids have anything they may need if there's anything left we spilt it, if not oh well...

I really think he needs a good kick up the back side and be brought to reality, people take any old job all the time, I have a degree but I'm not even working in the industry right now as there were no vacancies so I took on another role while I look in the industry I worked so hard for my degree in, as they saying goes it's easier to find a job while working than it is unemployed.

@suki1964 you're not wrong. The work of which I spoke is suitable for people of both sexes. I was just picking up on the fact she was looking for extra hours. Of course her husband should be applying for work as well.

He can't afford to be picky.

His children need food, heating, clothing.

Tell him to stop with the Pity Party, get off his ass and go stack shelves in Tesco, flip burgers, pour pints, ANYTHING full time to bring in a wage.

He can't afford pride.

Yeah, pride is a luxury he cannot afford right now.

Pride wont pays the bills or feed his kids or stop his wife having a breakdown.

Humilty however will do all of the above.

You do need to sit down and put heads together with your husband though and see what you can come up with together. You’re in this together, it’s not for you to solve this alone. Could you downsize at all/move somewhere less costly for a while until things pick up financially? Sell anything?

Dh is sitting with money in the bank while you worry - this is not ok, he is eating I take it?! Using the electric?! It’s shared bills not just your responsibility, tell him to pay out so you are back in the black and stop pandering to his “only applying for jobs he is qualified in” nonsense. He can’t be picky with kids to feed.

Why can’t you ask your husband, seriously! You should have all your money pooled together to work from.

Any job is better than no job until he can get a job in his field! We have call done jobs we may not have wanted to do at some point but a temporary job is better than no job. Surely that money is exactly for circumstances like this. He doesn’t sound very supportive to me. You are thinking of another job and he isn’t willing to take one! He needs to sort his priorities.

A lot of employers will say he's over qualified. Because they know as soon as something else comes along he'll be off. It's not like he can just leave it off his CV. They will know from his work history. They would rather employ someone who's never had a job and willing to start at the bottom.

I can't fathom this. What sort of an arsehole would sit on a pot of money while his wife is having regular headaches for want of a pair of glasses? My DP isn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination but he'd move heaven & earth to get me those glasses. If he didn't have the money he'd find it somehow.

I live in a town with a lot of distribution warehouses, most of them are on temp conracts. They will take anyone who isnt an obvious serial killer, they actually have a deal witha local open prison where they employ prisoners being prepared for release. He could walk into a warehousing job tomorrow.

Amazon et al will take him on in a heart beat. If he can walk and breathe, they will take him on.

Your tactic is the correct one. Your husband can't afford to be choosy at the moment.

You need to tell him exactly how dire things are.

The most expensive thing to buy is money. If there is any option to not borrow money that should be prioritised over everything else.

You are doing everything you can to keep your lives on track, he isn't.

Sit down with him and show him the financial situation. Tell him how much money needs to be made over the next few months to prevent you from getting into trouble.

This situation is fixable.

Beggars can't be choosers, can they??

He needs to wake up and get to that agency tomorrow morning

What does he need to see, bare cupboards???

Going overdrawn and into overdraft when there is money between you is really silly.

When my husband and I have been in bad financial situations (maternity pay ending and no childcare for me to return to work paired with v high outgoings) we have stuck together - eBayed and Vinted-ed anything of value we have. Husband taken on obscene amounts of overtime and any extra work in the time at home (last year he was working flat out in theatre, coming home from a 12-hour day doing heavy manual work and then building props through the night for the extra money it would bring). I did as much as I could from home selling stuff and trying to freelance whenever baby was asleep.

What I’m trying to say is, you need someone who will pull out all the stops especially when they can see the stress you’re under. My husband didn’t want to be up at 3am spray painting bits of theatre sets but he did it to put food on the table so I could breathe easier when managing our finances.

Your other half should be wanting your life to be as easy and joyful as possible, not languishing at home waiting for a magical job to appear while you walk miles to work to save a few pounds a day. How long is he going to wait for the perfect job to come along? It’s not fair on you at all.

It sucks he was made redundant but your family cannot afford for him to be picky, unfortunately. He can always quit when something he enjoys comes along.

Come on OP. You’re being a complete doormat here. If I were in your shoes this would be a “help out or get out” ultimatum for my husband. He is also very qualified in a niche area which requires a PhD but I know in this situation he would be stacking shelves in Sainsbury’s ASAP whilst looking for another job.

Or better yet your DH could do this.

You said he feels guilty about the situation? but then here you think it will cause an argument and you talk about how selfish he's being.

This is absolutely insane.

How could you love this man or be attracted to him?

Imagine just how little respect, love or consideration you would have to have for him if you let him get that worried about money, had to walk an hour each way to work, let him suffer raging headaches because he couldn't afford glasses while all the time you had money in the bank AND the ability to easily earn more but you just chose not to?

Because that's how he feels about you.
And you have kids with this man? This is absolutely appalling.

Bottom. Line. He needs to take any job. He can continue to apply for the job he wants while working. You should also do the same.

Is he the father of your children? I don't understand why you can't just talk to him?

Cautionary tale. I have a good friend whose DH was let go from a sales role. He was at a middle management level. Is refusing to get a job below that level as they pay less and the title matters to him. He was unemployed 9 months before he got an offer. It was temporary and they offered him a salary he didn’t like after his trial ended. He turned it down. It’s months later and he’s still unemployed as he can’t get over himself. He spends his days reading books. Ironically his wife is a grifter who works so hard and is well rewarded, but not enough that they can survive single salary. They are financially struggling and in all seriousness do you want this to be you a year from now?

ouch321 · Yesterday 21:55

You should find it easy to pick up a retail job. There's always vacancies somewhere and Sep is the month they hire for the Xmas period. Try a supermarket as then you'll get discount on your food shop too.

It’s not always this easy to pick up a job!!!!! (4 months trying to get any job now and all the suggestions are ‘would you not try Tesco/ lidl/ McDonald’s etc’)

OP you are your partner need to talk about this, this isn’t just your worry

He clearly doesn't feel that guilty if he's doing nothing about it.

Tell him he has to pay some of the bills, what on earth does he need the money to last for if not fir essentials like food and energy? For someone with apparently high qualifications he sounds unintelligent and selfish.