So skint I'm scared

[Skintandscared24]

Just that really. I'm £600 overdrawn, I have 2 weeks worth of food shopping for a family of 4 to get, plus a £200 payment for my gas and electric for the month so will be about £1100 overdrawn by the time my next wages and child benefit come in. Which will take me to only £300 in the black. And so the cycle will continue.

I've turned the heating off so it doesn't click on and off like previous years, am working an hour each way to work to save on the bus fair. I've cancelled our pet insurance and hope to hell our 17 year old car doesn't get sick. I've even put off getting new glasses as I cannot afford them despite raging headaches.

Can't ask husband for money, he was made redundant recently. Whilst he got an ok payment he needs to pay essentials only such as mortgage, council tax, water, life insurance his phone and then keep the rest to tide him over until he's back in work.

I'm feeling sick with worry. I don't know what to do. Work can't offer me any more hours. I'm looking at evening and weekend work to supplement my income but not getting anywhere at the moment.

Just having a moan really and offloading as an anon post to people who hopefully understand

Wtf have I just read?

What a selfish twat your husband is. Get some backbone and tell him to stop being a lazy arse.

The stupid thing is, with his qualification he could £500 a day on a 2 month temping job 😭 but he doesn't want temporary job

It's not about what he wants to do, it's about what he needs to do.

You cannot have this happening from the very man who should be sacrificing his all and all for you and your kids. That is a shameful from a man and he should be single if he wanted to live separately, keeps large amount of money and not suffer a job he feel less for

Thank you everyone for all the advise and help. I know I have to talk to him. I just want him to get a job, any job.

I've said to him for years that after 20+ years together it's unfair we don't have a joint account and all money is pooled.
He's always paid the bigger bills and me the smaller ones but recently that's shifted and mine tend to cost more than his.

I feel it's especially unfair when I've put my earnings potential (and therefore pension in the long run) to the side to raise our children and work around them.

I've no idea how much exactly he had in redundancy but doing rough sums in my head on average I'd say around 6-8 months equivalent of his full time wages. He was made redundant just under 2 months ago.

I don't know if he has any savings apart from the 3K we have set aside for a boiler as that's on its last legs.

Moving won't be an option either as we have an interest rate of less than 3% and when you factor in the moving costs, legal costs and interest rates we would probably be paying more than we are now.

I've looked at online retailers for glasses, luckily work already paid for the sight test as I work with computers but they are still coming out around £200 ish due to a very high prescription and needing varifocals, then having to have them thinned out to fit in frames.

To those of him who said I sound immature for getting his mum involved, I know it sounds immature. I said that myself. But she's had to help out and kick him into shape once before. Whilst on mat leave I didn't have as much coming in and he didn't help towards my portion of the bills then so ended up with some debt. He listened then so I'm banking on it working now too. But I know I shouldn't have to go to her for this.

It's so bloody hard. He seems to think that if he does any random job he won't be as employable in his field and that being unemployed for a while looks bad on his CV. I get wanting a permanent job rather than temporary but I've tried to tell him that as we have found out the hard way permanent doesn't mean permanent.

He isn't usually up in the mornings when I leave for work as he worked from home. He gets up, drops youngest at school then got to work, so wouldn't know if I walked or got the bus. I just wish I was able to drive as I could use his car, but physically I'm unsafe to do so at the moment.

He needs to do something though, I need an operation early part of next year and I'll be on sick pay for about 2 months.

I used to find my job the most stressful part of my life. Now it's this shit

I'm unemployed after being made redundant from a professional job and there's precious little to apply for, so I'm considering doing domiciliary caring to earn some money whilst waiting for the jobs to come in. They always need people, train you up and you go out in twos with a more experienced person. I have no experience but know someone who did it. I've always been able to get work before in my field but times are tough right now and needs must. Would he consider something like this?

You and hubby need to pool your money and sit down together and plan/budget. Hubby needs to just take any job at the moment.

Not at all. I wouldn't ever ask for money from anyone

Not really your husband is he if you're buying all the food for the family while he is unemployed. Unless he's doing all the housework/childcare which I'd bet he's not.

First things first use use a portion of your husbands money to pay off you overdraft then close it down. It’s a false sense of security, a vicious circle.

Secondly, speak to your bank re a mortgage holiday if that’s available.

Third, are there any items that you can utilise to make some money ie old furniture you can sell, TVs you really don’t need or use less in other rooms and so on. Are there any food items you can cut, hidden expenses you can strip?

Fourth, sit down with your husband and with above info, work out the actual money you have available now (do not include overdraft see above). Then forecast if you can actual finances/spend etc needed for the next 10/12 weeks down to absolute detail and stick to them. All money if off limits unless for the plan you’ve made.

Fifth, tell husband it is his responsibility to get back into ANY paid work within next few weeks even temp or agency work, to ensure you don’t go under as a family. It’s not a request it’s a need. You should seriously consider your position as partners if he wont do this as it’s beneath his qualified status, given the position it will put your family in. Be prepared to have that conversation with him. As sorry as he may be for the position you are all in, it doesn’t remove his responsibility to plan a way through this.

Six, assist partner where you can in finding and highlighting ANY paid work you see for him to apply to. Get firm if needed.

then review the position in two weeks. Where is partner up to re work and how much money is out/in and do you have any unexpected expenses which mean a reassessment of financial plan.

This is your problem. Needs must - he needs to go to temp agency and get somE money coming in. It isn’t forever. Have you shown him the numbers?

How can it be “ I “ and not “ we” in a marriage with children in these circumstances?
A very sad way to live imho.

Having a gap on his CV is substantially worse than having temporary work (setting the financial need aside). He needs to take something, a gap of 2 months is already longer than many employers are prepared to interview without a stated reason.
It's irritating but true that employers are more interested to interview someone in work than someone unemployed.

Had to leave previous job as was no longer a good fit for our changed family circumstances. Moved somewhere with less employment opportunities, but family help nearby. Took a paycut of nearly half my previous earnings to take on a junior role, despite having over 15 yrs experience in prestigious jobs and several postgrad degrees.

You do what you have to do for your family's benefit. I have found it hard at times to have started on the bottom rung again after paying my dues already for so long, but this job is definitely the right one for our family.

So, I think you need to get some glasses. Your health comes first. When you can see, you can drive which makes your life easier. You will also feel better which helps with the stress.

Your husband is being a bit immature and selfish, IMHO. If he can make £500 a day in a temporary job, he needs to do that for a while, and keep applying. As you well know, sometimes those temp jobs do lead to something permanent. For him to sit back and watch you take care of the kids and work 7 days a week to bring money in, and go into overdraft, is absurd, esp. when he has redundancy money. You aren’t a servant, you are his partner.

Not guilty enough to get off his arse and take a job, any job, to help you out a bit. I can't believe his behaviour to be honest, he'd be out the door if he was mine and I'd have one less mouth to feed.

Does he know how bad it is? He may be more inclined to take a temp job if he realised how bad it is. A lot of temp jobs for the right person open doors and can lead to perm employment - he could use it somewhere as a foot in the door.

Have you tried claiming UC? It doesn't sound like you are on a big salary - I think you would be entitled to some help

He's had redundancy payment of 8mths salary; you think?
Sit him down and go through the finances!!

You need to write down all the household bills and what they cost, add up the ones you’re paying and that your husband are paying and make a budget. Work out how much you can afford to pay per month. Include the food bills in this. You pay your contribution and he pays his based on his usual salary. Maybe it’s worth getting a joint account for bills? Or he transfers what he owes you from his lump sum. Maybe that will kick his arse into gear.

The temp jobs he can get @Skintandscared24 , are they in 'his' industry? Doing the sort of work he did for a permanent job, perhaps before promotion?

If so I would encourage him to go for a temp contract, as that can often lead to a permanent at the level he wants or in the company he wants and can lead to promotion to the actual post he wants. If nothing else it'll update him on skills at the sharp end of the business.

So, you are so skint that you are scared but not apparently scared enough to actually DO something about it that will make a difference.

I never understand this my money/your money in a relationship and this is the conversation you need to have. stop titting about and be completely transparent about the financial situation. This is your marriage not your MILs and its time to both act like adults in it.

you need to know EXACTLY how much redundancy money he has and make it very clear that waiting for the perfect job is not a viable option. He is being secretive about his situation but then so are you and this is a recipe for disaster.

Just tell your DH how things are and how you're feeling. Give him the chance to contribute to his family again and he may even feel better. Redundancy money is there to support you while you find a new job.

You need to stop pussy footing around him and the guilt he is feeling about losing his job and tell him some hard truths.

He is being an utter twat refusing to even consider a temp job while he looks for his perfect job, and that refusal means that you are having to consider getting a second job

Being made redundant isn't his fault and no one blames him for it, but the family being in hardship because he is being too pig headed to consider doing anything to help tide you over absolutely is on him

This is a simple one to solve. You are £1000 behind each month due to losing an income. A minimum wage job at Aldi, Lidl, Tesco, Morrisons etc is £11.44 per hour. He does a 40 hour week and he is contributing £1800 per month before deductions.

He needs to cough up that £1000 either from savings or earnings or you are better off without him

”He doesn’t want to take just anything” is your problem. He can’t afford to be picky if you’re going to end up defaulting on essential bills.