So skint I'm scared

[Skintandscared24]

Just that really. I'm £600 overdrawn, I have 2 weeks worth of food shopping for a family of 4 to get, plus a £200 payment for my gas and electric for the month so will be about £1100 overdrawn by the time my next wages and child benefit come in. Which will take me to only £300 in the black. And so the cycle will continue.

I've turned the heating off so it doesn't click on and off like previous years, am working an hour each way to work to save on the bus fair. I've cancelled our pet insurance and hope to hell our 17 year old car doesn't get sick. I've even put off getting new glasses as I cannot afford them despite raging headaches.

Can't ask husband for money, he was made redundant recently. Whilst he got an ok payment he needs to pay essentials only such as mortgage, council tax, water, life insurance his phone and then keep the rest to tide him over until he's back in work.

I'm feeling sick with worry. I don't know what to do. Work can't offer me any more hours. I'm looking at evening and weekend work to supplement my income but not getting anywhere at the moment.

Just having a moan really and offloading as an anon post to people who hopefully understand

Why if he has more money is he not sharing it?
20 years! He isn’t going to change how c can he not tell you exactly how much redundancy he has. He sounds very selfish and if it was me I’d find out exactly all he has and take legal and leave. You are burning yourself out you deserve more he won’t change so all you have to look forward to is more of the same. You would get help on your own and only gave you and the children to think of. He would have to contribute financially for the children. I may sound harsh but I was with someone who used my money got us in debt I left as my health was affected to the degree that I was hospitalised as my BP was over stroke level. Took my then 6 year old daughter made a life in our own. Wasn’t always easy she is 25 now but it was much easier than worrying all the time and yes I gave him several opportunities to change and he didn’t or wouldn’t. He never did. Thought he was entitled.

OP this situation is ridiculous. There's no point hoarding his redundancy money while the family is getting into debt, costing interest and risking your good credit history, which could derail the family finances for years.

The whole point of it is so you can continue to pay the bills, buy food and pay for other essentials like glasses while he's not earning. If he's keeping his money while you're struggling to pay for essentials, that's financial abuse.

It's also ridiculous that he won't take the (extremely well paid) consultancy work until he gets another permanent job. That could solve all your financial problems and even be a gateway to another job if the company he consults for wants to hire permanent staff.

You need to talk to him about the worries you're having and he needs to pull his finger out and step up, especially as you're expecting to be off work for surgery.

He's a selfish arse, what he should be doing is getting any job to help bring some, clearly, much needed money into the house. You can work whilst applying for better jobs. Does he think hes too good to work in a shop for a while until something better comes up?

This is nuts.

You've posted in cost of living but actually it should be in relationships as your issue has more to do with your relationship.

My DH got made redundant September 2023 and it is a very scary time however we sat down and worked out a plan as to how to get through it.

He was up every morning applying for jobs speaking to recruiters etc.

He had redundancy insurance which kicked in so he couldn't take any old job as we would have been worse off but without a doubt he would have done anything to bring some dosh in if he needed to.

You need transparency on all of your finances. You need to know how much he got in a payout and you need to work out how long that will keep you going for when combined with your monthly earnings. My husband calls it the 'cash runway'.

You also need to factor in Christmas etc ( which sadly is unavoidable with kids) and your sickness pay.

Any money your dh can earn will add to your cash runway.

Do you think if you sit down he will be willing to make a plan? Maybe he is fearful and burying his head in the sand?

Separate finances is a perfectly legitimate way for a couple to organise their finances, provided that both parties:

1. Are transparent about their real numbers in regards to incomings and outgoings. (This is not happening in this instance—OP is not being transparent about outgoings/overdraft debts and DH is not being transparent about incomings/redundancy received.)
2. The couple revisits who pays what when there is a change in circumstances, ie, promotion/redundancy. (This clearly hasn’t happened.)

I am sorry to hear this OP as it’s not your fault, but I am stuck on this “he could earn £500 a day” line. Presumably if he can earn this then he was in a good job earning similar/bit less beforehand? If he wasn’t then he’s obviously not going to waltz into a temp job just based on “qualifications”. If he has then where on earth are your family’s savings? I know temping can pay more but even if he was on 50-75% that’s around £5-7k a month. He needs to pull his head out of arse and get a job sharpish - but unless I’m talking out of my arse then maybe you both need to look at your financial management anyway.

👆

I've said to him for years that after 20+ years together it's unfair we don't have a joint account and all money is pooled.
He's always paid the bigger bills and me the smaller ones but recently that's shifted and mine tend to cost more than his.

I never ever ever understand this. How on earth do you go ahead and buy a house and have children without knowing what each other earn and have in savings.? Me and DH do have separate accounts, or rather I have my own and then there is the shared account, which his wages are paid into and I dip into it as needed. Because like yourself, we have the set up of his wages pay the rates, electric, oil, insurances and anything needed on the house , I get the food, the internet, tv - we both pay for our own cars upkeep. I earn considerably less then him, and food costs have risen so I dip in and use "his account" as and when as Im certainly not taking on debt to feed us , he has to step up to the plate and provide, and he does so, willingly because my DH understands its a partnership. During recessions in the past and work has dried up, my DH has travelled miles for work ( 500 at one point ) taking less money then he was used to so that we could keep afloat. We spent the banking crisis years leaving apart because he had to go where the work was.

Your husband needs to do the same , do what needs to be done to keep you afloat, the children fed and clothed and bills serviced. Else you may as well kick him out and go it alone

You have to sit down at the table, get the bills out, get the bank statements out and see what's what. If he has any money in an account it needs to be used to clear off the over draft, its not YOUR overdraft, its yours - its joint - he is responsible for it as well.

Then you need to work out your budget , what you actually have to cover with what you earn, then he needs to make up the shortfall - and dont forget when working out that budget, you need to account for hair cuts, dentist, opticians etc

I genuinely cannot believe that there are marriages out there like this.

You're posting a thread about being terrified of how skint you are, you're getting into debt, walking to and from work to save money, working two jobs... And your husband of 20 YEARS is sat on his backside at home, squirreling away his redundancy money and claiming that temporary jobs are beneath him?! All whilst watching you trying to make ends meet?!

Wow.

I'm going to go home and give DP a MASSIVE hug tonight and tell him how grateful I am for him.

Seriously OP, what the fuck.

The best suggestion I think is for you to contact the Citizens Advice Bureau, who should be able to point you towards a way of consolidating your finances so that you and your family are able to live, free of the fear and anxiety of debt.

Just do a Google search for their telephone number, there is some one somewhere who can help you.

@Starlight1979
I agree, makes you appreciate the decent man you have. My DP would give me his last penny, never a question about spending or paying anything.

If my DP was made redundant he would be out finding any manual / minimum wage / bar / supermarket job on day one. And then continue to look for work in the field he's in whilst at least bringing some money in. I know because it has happened before. He would literally do any job at all so that he was contributing and we weren't struggling.

Oh and if he had a redundancy payout, it would go into the joint account for the household.

Why does he feel guilty when he was made redundant? Sadly in these times, it is well known that businesses will downsize or close down and it is not a reflection on any of their employees. It is just business and a fact of life.
He needs to just get a job - any job - just bring some money in or be a stay at home dad and let you get out there and find a decent job which helps you pay the bills.
Also his redundancy money is a cushion while he finds another job so if his wages were for example £1k per month and he got £6k then that gives him six months 'wages' to find another job. He's being precious and he can't afford to be when he has a family to support.

My husband was made redundant and joined an agency in the interim - he drove a van doing food deliveries for a few months. He actually quite enjoyed it and the money, whilst not brilliant, helped us from going under.

Tell him to pack his backs, divorce him and force a sale of the house. Things should be easier with one less mouth to feed. At this point he is dead-weight and costing you all.

OP, ring your mortgage company, and your gas and electric company, and anyone else like them. Explain the situation, ask for help. Your energy company will be able to do things like possibly a standing charge holiday, or decreasing your payments for a while until your husband is back in work. Your mortgage company may be able to do a payment holiday or an interest only period.

I was made redundant recently. Trust me, the companies will help. And now I work for an energy company so I KNOW they will be able to help you.

This is madness!! After 20 years and you're in this situation... you've brought up the children so you don't have the same pension accrued.

You've gone into debt paying bills when he's sitting on redundancy money in a separate account.

You don't know how much redundancy he got paid.

You had to talk his mum into speaking with him about stepping up financially when you were on maternity leave.....And that's likely not all.....

Sounding more like financial abuse by the minute.

And to top it all, he can earn £500 day working freelance using his qualifications??? WTF are you even a team working towards the same end.

Show him this thread and wake the tosser up to the selfish shortsighted prick he really is....
Don't you think his inflexibility will have been noticed in his workplace. He's likely to be better working on temp contracts.

He does to an extent but I haven't told him how much, he feels guilty about losing his job and putting us in this situation

I’m not sure your current situation is 100% on your DH if he doesn’t know that you are having to walk an hour each way to work and so far into your overdraft. Presumably he’s not a mind reader?! You’re going to have to put your big girl pants on and actually talk to him about this. If you find that difficult, just send him a link to this thread.

Sorry for the edit, but just to add - how can you be “so skint I’m scared” but not have actually talked to your DH about this? If you’re saying that you are more scared of talking to your DH than you are about being skint then I would suggest speaking to Women’s Aid for advice.

Hi @Skintandscared24 I have been made redundant twice as has my DH - we work in a sector that is constantly restructuring.

When one of us has been out of a job that is when we talk more about finances, we are transparent, start putting all outgoings on a spreadsheet etc

Depending on what your DH did and what he was paid, there is some logic in not taking any old job, as some jobs that are easy to get e.g. retail, shelf stacking - are often very prescriptive in working hours making it hard to go for job interviews or meet with head hunters. There does come a point when you need money coming in though and this is when you need to look at all options.

Talk to your DH. Make him see sense. You cannot go on like this

Sorry but this is absolutely crazy. You are not absolutely skint as your husband has redundancy money that should be used for this period of time.

He also can pick up temp work which is highly lucrative. It's all about his wants though and he just can't be picky at the moment.

If she doesn't get varifocals she'll need 2 pairs (distance and reading) so a false economy. She can still get cheaper frames though some of them are quite nice these days.

I won’t go over how ridiculous and unfair your non joint finances are, but for a practical solution for new glasses go to Asda opticians. They have a set price that includes Varifocals and thinning if needed for £45 from their basic range https://opticians.asda.com/our-complete-price-on-glasses

Tell you DH he has two choices, he either swallows his pride and gets any job, or he doesn’t swallow food.

He has a family to support, that should be kick up the arse enough to make a decent father get any job!
My brother has worked in abattoirs to support his family when nothing else is around, that's what a good father does!

Bloody hell youre a team he needs to get off his arse and do some work and get some money in! Flipping eck my friend used to work for a premier league club not as a footballer lol - when Covid happened he was out delivering parcels for Amazon cos he had no income.