So skint I'm scared

[Skintandscared24]

Just that really. I'm £600 overdrawn, I have 2 weeks worth of food shopping for a family of 4 to get, plus a £200 payment for my gas and electric for the month so will be about £1100 overdrawn by the time my next wages and child benefit come in. Which will take me to only £300 in the black. And so the cycle will continue.

I've turned the heating off so it doesn't click on and off like previous years, am working an hour each way to work to save on the bus fair. I've cancelled our pet insurance and hope to hell our 17 year old car doesn't get sick. I've even put off getting new glasses as I cannot afford them despite raging headaches.

Can't ask husband for money, he was made redundant recently. Whilst he got an ok payment he needs to pay essentials only such as mortgage, council tax, water, life insurance his phone and then keep the rest to tide him over until he's back in work.

I'm feeling sick with worry. I don't know what to do. Work can't offer me any more hours. I'm looking at evening and weekend work to supplement my income but not getting anywhere at the moment.

Just having a moan really and offloading as an anon post to people who hopefully understand

He could be earning £500 a day temping but he doesn't want to? Sod that, you need to have a conversation with him tomorrow and tell him you can't afford for him not to take one!

God no don't get his mum involved. Get strong. He should be doing any job.

Please buy yourself a weekly or monthly bus pass and get your spectacles sorted. Put your health first. And sit down and discuss finance.

why do women put up with this shit.

what would you think of it was the other way round. He was walking 2 hours a day to work, etc, but not saying anything to you to protect your ego.

it sounds like your boss or parent who you’re afraid to piss off, or someone who has a fragile ego you don’t want to step on

not a relationship or partnership or team.

you know this. What’s stopping you setting it out to him squarely.

or pandering to the weird dynamic by leveraging his mum and not having a frank discussion.

if you don’t mind me pointing out there is almost a martyred element to how you write. so you are getting something from this dynamic of tiptoeing, enjoying caretaking his ego or losing yourself to indulge him. I think you’re here partly to reinforce this, but also part of you has had enough.

unless you think his mh is at risk from his change in status and are trying to protect him.

perhaps post on the relationships board if you feel the issues go deeper and there is more history .

Why do people do this, it’s not family money there is no such bloody thing, if there was no one would have their own bank account.

and as much as I agree this is an an appalling situation and the man needs to work and they need to work as a team, posting nonsense doesn’t help.

It seems a bit much to go to his mum to get him to realise how selfish he is being - when YOU are hiding the true extent of the situation from him to avoid upsetting him. You both need a reality check and to work together

Have you checked to see if you will be entitled to any support now husband is not in work? Council tax should reduce to single person as a minimum of support. You can fill out the forms for universal credit online and they will advise either way.

I would never be with anyone who viewed it as their own money, a family is a team. If you're willing to sit there while your partner walks to work for an hour at half 5 in the morning and you're not in a third world country, and you're happy to leave your kids to starve so you have a nest egg, you're not a fit partner.

Why would council tax go to single person? He still lives there doesn't he?

100 percent, but that’s not the point is it. It isn’t family money, there is no such thing legally. People manage their finances all different ways, that’s a personal choice. Now I’d never live like the op is and I find it unacceptable, but pretending his money is family money helps no one. I’m sure the man knows full well it’s not and the op can’t just take it out his bank account.

We have family money, together we are a team and neither of us would sit on money whilst the other struggled.

@Pandasnacks if only one person is working you have a 25% reduction. ( single person supplement it's to support families where people have been made redundant etc

You need to tell him that there is no money. It is ridiculous sitting with redundancy but struggling to feed your children. That is essential. Plus, he needs to take any job. Why would you work 2?

No, you are wrong there

Honestly. I would be telling him to do the agency work, or get out.

Absolutely, but that’s your choice, and it is a choice, it’s not something one can force on the other.

He needs to get to work.
Any work. He also needs to use the redundancy money for living costs. Unbelievable.

Well that’s a luxury he doesn’t have. Lots of people do whatever job they can to get food on the table.

Sorry but he cant afford that luxury

When money is tight, you take whatever job comes your way to tide you over, whilst looking for the ideal job

You are a partnership, your vows say "richer or poorer" , he needs to get of his arse and contribute

Why on earth are you protecting him from reality when he could be earning 10k a month in a temp job?! That's money most of us can only dream of.

Presumably he was earning well before, do you have any savings?

He could earn £10k in a month and you are in overdraft and can't put food oj the table? Walk out and take half his redundancy with you.

OPs DH should find it easy to pick up a retail job. OP already has a job.

Oh for fuck sake

So, I'm going to chuck in a curveball suggestion OP, I think your DH is full of more poop than our slurry tank.

I'm going to suggest he is, for whatever reason no where near as employable as he'd like to think, managed out under the cover of redundancy as he's no longer fulfilling whatever he has to to the current targets.

And not as in demand on the freelance market as he'd have you believe.

No one with a functioning braincell would be sitting in a cold house, letting the mrs. put it on the never never and munching through a nice saveable lump sum if they could do what they are trained to do for a couple of months for a cool £10K

He's pulling your chain!

Are there any benefits that can help you?