To sell my belongings and give up my dogs

[Staceyp788]

So...I'm in the same boat as most people rn. I had a good job that I have up to do something I enjoyed, we weren't well off but could afford to live and have days out and yearly holidays etc. Then we all got hit with the cost of living and shits hit the fan. I can't afford my bills. I have cut out all subscriptions, I buy everything from aldi and their essentials range if we run out of something in the week then tough it's gone. The only thing I haven't done is quit smoking...yes I know, I know...I will give it up, I have done it before and will do it again...however the £100 a month this would save us doesn't make up on what we are missing. My husband tried to better himself and get his HGV licence. £3000 later and it turns out that he's really good at driving a lorry, but doesn't like it... that put us in a hole for 5 weeks, cause his anxiety couldn't take it and he didn't go back to work. We have been playing catch up ever since. So now I have to sell my motorbike (crappy Chinese model) my car (crappy old fiat) and my gym equipment(a fit cube, a cheap cross trainer and a hill climber)...and I cant afford to feed the children, let alone the dogs. There is no help for us. I've already checked. You can't just walk into a food bank. And also I can't just get a new job cause I'm in the middle of an apprenticeship. So basically, life's shit and I've had enough.

If school can't help with the uniform, then I'd suggest posting on local facebook to see if anyone is selling. At this time of year, the parents of children at a leaving school age (whether primary or secondary) are often poised to start selling once term is over, and will be keen to get in touch.

I'd be worse off cause he smokes too (face, palm)

It is almost impossible for one smoker to quit whilst living with another smoker who carries on. You need to both quit or you need to leave him.

Is there not a second hand uniform shop at the school, or a Facebook group?

Woah, stop piling on the OP, she’s offloading and asking for advice.

I second speaking to Citizens Advice to ensure that you’re receiving everything you’re entitled to, plus they can give advice on debt. StepChange is a charity that can also advise on finances.

As for your DH he needs to reconsider HGV driving. As PP’s have said, many of us are diagnosed with with anxiety or depression, myself included. I take a low dose of AD and it really helps me-has he spoken to his GP about it?

Sometimes we have to do jobs we dislike. (at least for a while) to support our families. If he got some help, perhaps he could drive for a certain amount of time to get you out of debt? It might be easier if he puts a time limit on it, e.g., a year, 18 months.

Really sorry but if one of you isn’t working for a decent amount of time time and the other is an apprentice, plus you’ve got 2 kids, anyone without a private income or savings would struggle.

In the short term I would

• make sure DH works at anything, even something like shelf stacking at night, data entry or working on the till at Tesco, and any future big career plans get funded in advance from work/savings,
• try to carry on the apprenticeship if you can, but also try to increase your own working capacity around it- depending on what your DH does could you do a few weekend shifts in a bar/ coffee shop? Or anything at your kids school?
• get a referral from your GP to a food bank and in the meantime use any community fridge type organisations
• review your bills. Check your energy/ WiFi bills. If kids have phones get rid of them.
• have a clear out of the house and sell anything you can on eBay.

Hopefully this will be short term and can tide you over until you have your qualification and can then increase your earning capacity.

Could your DH use his licence for other HGV work - buses, bin lorries etc. (No idea but our bus company lost drivers because they got paid better to drive HGVs s0 I'm guessing the licence is transferable within similar category vehicles)

Your Dh needs to stick with the lorry driving until he gets another job. Loads of people don't like their job but get on with it until you find another suitable one.

I've done all of this too. We are doing it again. The kids are 13 and two 11 Yr old the twins are taller than the 13yr old so their clothes go to him. They are starting a new school. The trousers they have for primary are not the right colour for secondary (at the time the grey ones were cheaper) and the 13yr has had the same uniform for two years (even stitched up a few holes, even though I can't sew!) But he has now grown out of it. They're also a size 8 shoe.. bought them £15 shoe zone trainers once. All of them had blisters all over their feet so then had to buy £27 from sports direct that were comfy but fell apart after two months! Glued them back together of course but not sure how long they will last 😬. I have also always cut their hair and mine. And the dogs are 5 and 3 so we got them when life was looking good and we naively thought I could continue working nights as a manager for the rest of my life!

If you read my posts, I wouldn't ACTUALLY do that fgs. I was just bloody ranting and it's turned into a witch hunt.

Your local community may have a subsidised shop . Our's is run by the local church, we can do a food shop for £4 that includes 12 items of fruit, veg and shelf items plus 2 extra freezer items. All other food is either 50p or £1.00 so you can easily feed your family . See if there is something in your area or ask for a food bank referral. As far as work is concerned you both need to concentrate of finding work that supports your family. Speak to the school about the uniform, you can't be the only parent that is struggling with costs.

Not sure what's happened here, but I wouldn't accept money even if someone offered! Rest assured. Its my mess to sort out. Was just having a rant that's turned into a witch hunt! 😂

You have my sympathies because you are carrying the family like a single parent.
Does your DH support you emotionally or is he self-absorbed and pre-occupied and only thinking of himself and his troubles are more important than anyone elses.

Has he considered he might have Adult ADHD? Because that can involve a lot of changing jobs, wanting a 'new' thing then getting bored when he actually gets it because the tediousness and routine creates difficult feelings for him.

Google ADHDUK..co.uk. They have support groups online also. For example these:

Jun 14Two support groups coming up today!

How to Succeed at Work for ADHD Employees : 11:00 am - 12:00 pm
ADHD Support Group for Over 50s : 12:30 pm - 01:30 pm

This might be a place for him to offload and take responsibility for his behavior, find support for himself and stop his self criticism and just get busy doing what he needs to do!

Your DH is a resource that can help you, if only he can make himself available.

What job is he doing now?

Thank you 🥹 I do have that book but it didn't work for me. I have also had champix in the past which did work but I'm not sure they would prescribe it again. I'm only smoking 5 a day ATM and when I'm finding it hard I have a vape. But I already have a plan for what I can cut out next week. Weekends are hard but I'm sticking with it. I've done it before and can do it again. Let's hope this time it sticks!!

Will you all stop derailing the thread with the smoking. That's the least of her worries in fairness to the OP!

And I could do that with the smoking, but I'd be worse off cause he smokes too

He needs to get off his arse and you both need to give cigarettes up. It's not easy but you don't have a choice, neither of you can afford to smoke currently.

You have made a lot of expensive choices and now you are wondering why you have money worries. You have a higher number of children than average. You also have more dogs than most people have. You have given up your job when most people don’t. Your DH embarks on expensive training for a job he doesn’t want to do. You also have a very expensive habit.

You need to make better financial decisions.

THIS!

But I do know a chap who got his HGV and says it is quite stressful, but to just quit like that?
Not good after spaffing 3k on a test.

@Staceyp788 I quit smoking in 2009 after a really nasty chest infection after flu..
Nicotine replacement really helped.
Haven't smoked since.

The extra money was lovely.

You literally said in your OP that you couldn’t afford to feed your kids. That’s why people came for the smoking.

You now say that you were just ranting, but that wasn’t originally clear.

This sounds tough. I don't think selling your stuff will actually make much money though.

I have sympathy for you. You are doing your best and are just up to your neck in it right now but keep kicking and you will get out of it in a few months. You will.

Fannying about with cutting down really didn't help for me- It became more of an obsession, looking forward to my 3 smokes a day.

Quitting cold with nicotine gum was so much easier.

If you hadn't mentioned that you smoke this thread would have gone very differently.
I think you need to talk to your DH and he needs to understand that it's his responsibility as an adult who brought 3 kids into the world to earn enough to support them. PPs suggestion of courier work sounds like a good one. Don't give up your apprenticeship, the value of being fulfilled in life is enormous, and the long term prospects (if you have management experience I'd imagine you'll be a step ahead on the nursery management track compared to people with no management experience) are good even if it's not the 100k a year some mumsnetters think you ought to earn before even thinking about having one child.

Your DH needs to seriously step up! He needs to quit smoking, and he needs to bring in decent money.

I would be incandescent if my DH spent that amount of money on training only to decide he doesn't like it!! Did he not realise that while he was training?!

Isn't he anxious about feeding the family, or about the cost of school uniform - or does he just ignore it all and leave it to you? (I suspect I know the answer...)

Are there any community fridges in your area? They give out surplus food for free to reduce food waste.
Water companies can reduce bills in certain circumstances. And there are social internet tariffs for certain groups.
selling unwanted stuff is a slow but useful exercise I use Vinted
hope things start to improve soon