To sell my belongings and give up my dogs

[Staceyp788]

So...I'm in the same boat as most people rn. I had a good job that I have up to do something I enjoyed, we weren't well off but could afford to live and have days out and yearly holidays etc. Then we all got hit with the cost of living and shits hit the fan. I can't afford my bills. I have cut out all subscriptions, I buy everything from aldi and their essentials range if we run out of something in the week then tough it's gone. The only thing I haven't done is quit smoking...yes I know, I know...I will give it up, I have done it before and will do it again...however the £100 a month this would save us doesn't make up on what we are missing. My husband tried to better himself and get his HGV licence. £3000 later and it turns out that he's really good at driving a lorry, but doesn't like it... that put us in a hole for 5 weeks, cause his anxiety couldn't take it and he didn't go back to work. We have been playing catch up ever since. So now I have to sell my motorbike (crappy Chinese model) my car (crappy old fiat) and my gym equipment(a fit cube, a cheap cross trainer and a hill climber)...and I cant afford to feed the children, let alone the dogs. There is no help for us. I've already checked. You can't just walk into a food bank. And also I can't just get a new job cause I'm in the middle of an apprenticeship. So basically, life's shit and I've had enough.

And the school uniform is currently the least of your worries.

Is the apprenticeship working towards a job in a nursery? If yes, I'd seriously reconsider as the income isn't reliable enough to support a household. A friend of mine worked in a nursery who decide how many staff are needed at the start of each week and if they decide they don't need you for a day you just don't get paid.

Regarding your husband, does he contribute to the family and running the household in every other possible way? And in my view he absolutely must find a job he can handle. I can understand driving HGV not being a good combination with anxiety but there must be other driving jobs he could do like delivery driver, building site work etc. If he's not doing everything in his power to contribute then I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

On uniform, I cannot believe that £700 is necessary to kit out 3 kids. They don't need new everything every September. My DD will be on her third year of the same skirts come September and second year of same jumpers and polos. Yes our school's logo items are eye-wateringly expensive but there's the option to wear plain supermarket jumpers/shirts in the right colours.

Surely you have some school uniform you can pass down?! I always do that with my three. They don’t care especially with uniform. Plus defo tell school you’re experiencing hardship and can’t pay - they will often have second hand as ppl say, or a fund for buying uniform. And as others say I have never purchased a full set every September. I can often get away with just a few items here and there, plus passing down some stuff.

Also I don’t get why you would get an apprenticeship (low paid) in to a career that is low paid. What did you do before, can you go back in to that? Your DH needs to step up and get some HGV shifts while looking for something else, that is a non negotiable if you’re struggling to feed kids!!! His mental health can get to fuck if your kids are possibly going hungry!!

Like I said we were both in a good financial situation, I took a £500 a month hit, that he was more than making up for with his driving. However the job became too hard for him and he assured me he would find an equivalent job so I could follow my dreams. I have worked nights for 4 years barely seeing my children so he could follow his career path as financially it made more sense. However he pissed two opportunities up the wall in that time and I was sick of working 6 nights a week for the last four years. I requested to be moved into days or shifts but my employer wouldn't allow me. Therefore I found another job that gave me the chance I've been looking for. I have asked my current employer for details on what I can do about my apprenticeship so I can (again) have more than one job. You all assume that I'm sat on my arse sulking. Do you not all have guilty pleasures? How often do you go on days out? To the pub? For a meal? Get your hair done? We don't do any of that and we are still skint. We were fine until all the bills went up. I've worked since I was 13. By the time I was 15 I had three jobs. When my children were still babies I was working nights. I'm pissed off that I'm yet again taking the hit for my career because the cost of everything has gone up. THATS ALL I WAS GETTING AT. I forgot how high you all sit up here on mums net. Of course my children are fed. At my expense. I choose to smoke. Bad choice. I am currently quitting. But I go all day without proper food because I have made that choice. I am aware of that.

If he's 'pissing opportunities up the wall' I'd consider separating as you'll probably be financially better off without him. It's one thing supporting a DP through mental health issues but quite another thing to have to single-handedly support a family because your DP isn't fighting to make sure he shares the financial burden.

Your dh is the problem here.

Your husband needs to get a job .
Problem solved

It does sound as if your partner is a millstone around the necks of you and your children

This.

What is he doing now?

If he cant drive a lorry, is he job hunting right now?

Do you not all have guilty pleasures? How often do you go on days out? To the pub? For a meal? Get your hair done?

We go on days out and for meals out fairly often, because we can afford to. Back when we couldn't, when we were saving for a house deposit and earnt a lot less we didn't do these things. If we didn't have enough money for food we most certainly wouldn't spend any extra money on top of the absolute essentials.

do you have savings or other assets which prevent you from claiming UC? That would be the only reason I can think of that would prevent you from claiming some top up income. Your DH may be entitled to claim LCWRA if he can’t work due to his health.

I mean, leave your shitty husband? How many times are you going to let him fuck up your life and be the center of the universe?

Do you not all have guilty pleasures?How often do you go on days out? To the pub? For a meal? Get your hair done? We don't do any of that and we are still skint.We were fine until all the bills went up.
Strangers on the internet who are spending within their means has nothing to do with your situation OP.

That's not the same as potentially giving the dogs up and having hungry children whilst one parent spends money on cigarettes and another is pissing work opportunities up the wall on a regular basis.

Like other posters have said it sounds like you have a DH problem.

It sounds like you are skint because your DH is not contributing. Is he bringing anything in currently? What is he doing about bringing money into the household? One apprenticeship salary is not enough to feed and home a family.

You both made these choices so you can’t really complain

They share the same problem; inability to prioritise..

You certainly don't need 3 sets of uniform. DD has just finished year 11 and has one skirt, one blazer, one jumper and 2 shirts and we wash as needed. Same for PE kit - one of everything. Talk to the school and ask if they have a second hand rail. We picked up DS's last september from that and everything was a £1 or £2 and £5 for a blazer - saved a fortune.

You have to gibe up smoking. It may only be £100 a month but you can't afford food - you are literally burning money that could be used to feed your family.

Your husband has decided he doesn't like driving a lorry - well tough shit he needs to get over it.
I didn't enjoy cleaning toilets and scrubbing floors when I went through a dry spell of unemployment much but I did it to get through the 6 months in order to feed my DS and my cats.
And for Gods sake give up smoking, you can't expect sympathy when you are wasting £100 a month on fags. You can get nicotine patches etc from your GP or smoking cessation service tomorrow.

Neither me or my DH love our jobs. You just have to do what you have to do. Honestly, working in a nursery is going to be badly paid. You both need to get jobs that will allow you to support your family.

Yeah, I think your DH is going to have to put on his big boy pants, possibly look into getting the right medication for his anxiety (the ones I have now have helped - I was working through the anxiety before because I have to work, but it's a LOT more do-able now. I was cruising for breakdown), and accept that he, along with millions of others, will have to do a job he doesn't like in order to put food on the table.

Meanwhile, I'd be finding out how to access the food banks in your area. No you can't just walk in, but it may be good to at least look into registering.

This⤴️
obviously not ALL men but mostly men feel as if they ought to be the star of the show.
If they can't be the star of the show they will sabotage your show because that's the only way they can get the feeling of power and control that they feel is their right as a man.

Post on local Facebook groups asking if anyone has the uniform available for sale. I often see selling on or giving away school-branded uniforms, especially at this time of year. Most schools have their own group pages.

sounds like you and your husband are more focused on finding jobs you enjoy even if it is to he detriment of your family, very few people like their jobs, that's life, you have to get on with it, i think its crazy to give up a job for an apprenticeship if you have a home and family to run, it is idealistic and further craziness that your husband knowing you are in an apprenticeship trained as a HGV driver and decided he isn't going to do it now, after wasting all that time and money, its all foolish and sounds very childish. Who the feck doesn't have work anxiety? time to grow up unfortunately and sorry if my post comes across as unkind but seriously, have a word with yourself and your husband

£100 a month on smoking isn't he problem here at all, its the lack of income and that is 100% your and your husbands fault through your choices, you don't get the luxury of choices when you have children to feed and a house to run. My husband works 2 hours commute every day, that's 4 hours just travelling a day to keep a roof over our heads, he is exhausted and mentally drained, still has to do it though until as well a paid job becomes available closer, responsibilities!

Talk to citizens advice

I don’t have a single shred of sympathy for anyone who smokes then complains they are skint, and it’s outright disgust for anyone who smokes then says they can’t feed their kids.

Adulting, and doubly so parenting, means you can’t always do what you want. So you need to quit the apprenticeship and get a better paid job and your DH needs to use his HGV licence or get a another job, or move out then you have one less mouth to feed.

@Starlingnest I do this too - DS1 is going into year 3 in September and as long as his feet stay the same size he wont be getting new shows, his Polos all fit fine and will just need 1 or 2 new pairs of trousers as he has a tendency to go through the knees.

DS2 is starting school in Sept - I have 2 of DS1 old jumpers and since Xmas have added a couple of pairs of trousers or a pack of polos to the weekly shop here and there so he's almost all sorted out too.

They don't need an entire new uniform just because it is September usually.