To sell my belongings and give up my dogs

[Staceyp788]

So...I'm in the same boat as most people rn. I had a good job that I have up to do something I enjoyed, we weren't well off but could afford to live and have days out and yearly holidays etc. Then we all got hit with the cost of living and shits hit the fan. I can't afford my bills. I have cut out all subscriptions, I buy everything from aldi and their essentials range if we run out of something in the week then tough it's gone. The only thing I haven't done is quit smoking...yes I know, I know...I will give it up, I have done it before and will do it again...however the £100 a month this would save us doesn't make up on what we are missing. My husband tried to better himself and get his HGV licence. £3000 later and it turns out that he's really good at driving a lorry, but doesn't like it... that put us in a hole for 5 weeks, cause his anxiety couldn't take it and he didn't go back to work. We have been playing catch up ever since. So now I have to sell my motorbike (crappy Chinese model) my car (crappy old fiat) and my gym equipment(a fit cube, a cheap cross trainer and a hill climber)...and I cant afford to feed the children, let alone the dogs. There is no help for us. I've already checked. You can't just walk into a food bank. And also I can't just get a new job cause I'm in the middle of an apprenticeship. So basically, life's shit and I've had enough.

Your husband is lazy, selfish and irresponsible. He was not anxious when he did the course, it’s just that it’s too hard for him, he’d rather the mother of his kids work nights ,be solely responsible for the finances whilst he plays the mental health card. You are clearly resentful so your marriage is in the toilet , you just haven’t accepted it yet. He’s failed you several times and does not have your back. You can stay with him and abandon your dreams, or abandon him and get financial help whilst keeping your apprenticeship. Incidentally we went without to pay the vets bills for an uninsurable dog( 18 years of high bills), sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

Op l agree with others your DH is a liability, my DH and l have had to work many many extremely difficult jobs to pay bills over the years....he needs to get Ads or anxiety meds and bloody well get and keep a job.

Many many of us suffer anxiety, depression, etc we still go to work !

Regarding the cost of living @Staceyp788 it is shit, of course it is - but we are all making sacrifices, I work in a decent enough job 9-5 Monday to Friday, and still have contemplated a couple of weekend pub shifts to bring in an extra £50 or so a week to keep us afloat, won't see the kids properly for a few years but it'll keep us in our house and cover a couple of bills - if it's not needed it can be saved towards a meal out or a holiday

Firstly decide if you want to keep your husband. If you do, is he realistically ever going to keep any kind of job? If not, then he needs to pursue claims for ESA and PIP and actively seek to improve his mental health. Hopefully he is at least capable of being a "house husband" which frees you up
Is there any point selling your possessions for virtually nothing? Probably not, and you may need transportation in order to earn. You can just turn up at a foodbank btw, just not repeatedly
Do you have a claim for Universal Credit currently? If not, have you an open tax credits claim? Think carefully about which system is more beneficial for you financially. I think you need to keep on with the apprenticeship as it seems very worthwhile
PP have given you very good advice re the school uniform. Regarding the fags/tobacco buy knock off ones if you must persist in smoking. Any newsagent in a slightly rougher part of town will sell them. I don't know if GPs can prescribe vapes yet, perhaps you can approach yours for practical support with giving up smoking rather than going cold turkey. Don't be too hard on yourselves, at least you have tried to improve your situations

Sorry you are struggling that must be really difficult. I hope you find a solution soon. If you're struggling food bank referrals can often be made by schools, GPS, health visitors etc. It might be worth having a quiet word - you aren't alone finding yourself in this situation I promise.
In terms of smoking - I recently stumbled on a thread (I think it's called elf bar witchcraft or something like that) made by a heavy smoker who managed to quit smoking completely without effort by using disposable vapes. I bought one on a whim after reading the thread and within a few days stopped smoking. Try and find the thread if you can - even if you are just substituting a few with the disposable you will save plenty. Best of luck to you!

Fucking hell, your husband needs to get a job.

What career is your apprenticeship going to lead to?

Fr those querying hte PE shirt - DTs are at a bod standard academy and their shirt is £30, the technical fleece £35 and shorts £20. Yes it's ridiculous but second hand PTA shop is good.

What is your DH doing about a job now? As others have said, contact Citizens Advice and the school office.

There’s also a shortage of bus drivers in some areas.

You're getting a ridiculously hard time on here. I hope you're okay. It sounds really difficult and you seem to be doing your best.
I'd try and get NHS support on the quitting smoking- it's bloody hard, especially when you're stressed. But you can do it!
I'd also go to Citizen's advice and ask for referral to a food bank.
School uniform sounds stupidly expensive, so there's no way you're the only parent worried about this- email the school saying that the cost makes it impossible for you, and ask if they have advice.

Good luck op. Hugs.

You would get rid of your dogs but keep your DH, who it appears contributes nothing but worry, stress and false promises? OK.

Do you not all have guilty pleasures? How often do you go on days out? To the pub? For a meal? Get your hair done?

When we were rock bottom skint , there were no guilty pleasures, meals out, hairdressers; days out (other than walking to park for a home made picnic). Our biggest children wore second hand clothes at home and at school (jumble sales or donated) and passed them on to the smaller ones. I cut everyones hair. We didn't have pets because we couldn't afford to feed them. I "bathed" the kids and me , standing in a plastic washing up bowl. Boiling a kettle was affordable; turning on the immerser and heating wasn't. I remember family meals when everyone had exactly the same on their plate including DH and me, because I could not bear our children to see us eating bigger helpings.

We both did whatever crap work we could get( washing doubly incontinent patients and their laundry; bin man, cleaner, kitchen skivvy, mortuary attendant).

If you have £100 a month to burn, you are nowhere NEAR my experience of rock bottom skint.

Fuck off with your pyramid scheme shite.

As others have said. He needs to get the fuck back to driving.
i wouldn’t like to drive a HGV either, I’d be terrified, but that should have been clear to him when training.

if he really hates the class 1 then see if he can get a job driving the smaller class 2 lorries instead. But for now he needs to get on with it and start earning money, he sounds like an avoider.

also quit the smoking, you can’t feed your children but think smoking is an acceptable guilty pleasure? I’m gobsmacked. I don’t smoke but I do get my nails done every couple of weeks. And yes I’d absolutely stop that instantly if my children were going without and I couldn’t afford my bills.

They don't need an entire new uniform just because it is September usually
This!
When you think about it it's a big marketing con to tell parents their children need new everything every September.

I’m sorry things are so tough for you and your family. Making change is not always as easy as it might seem I for one would not like an anxious hgv driver that doesn’t sound safe. I don’t have any advice except possibly searching turn to us for local charities who might be able to help with school uniforms. I hope things improve for you.

It doesn't make sense to buy new uniforms at this point in the school year. Eke it out till after the summer and call the school to find out about second-hand uniforms.

Either you ask if you can defer the apprenticeship or as PPs said, you'll need to get a weekend job. Food banks, churches, local charities can probably offer some support too. I know you said you're not eligible for food banks but either you can't afford to eat ... in which case food banks/charities/churches will help. Or you can afford to eat ... in which case they won't. Ask on your local area Facebook page for advice and support. They'll know which groups help in your area.

I'd be very wary of this.

fgs just report the spam post. Don't keep reposting it.

Also OP most people aren't eating out, going to the pub, getting their hair done or smoking. Most people are struggling atm - except the energy companies, Tory politicians and friends of Tory politicians.

Yes - pyramid schemes are a bad idea.

OP, your husband needs to get a full time job. No ifs or buts. He has DC to help support.

Good luck with quitting smoking. It’s hard but so worthwhile in the end.

You both need proper FT jobs and give up smoking. Tough times mean tough decisions.

FUCK. OFF.

It's kind of you @sophiarofe to join Mumsnet just to post your helpful link.